After writing that last post two things happened; one I instantly felt relieved, as if I had gotten something off my mind, off my chest, out into the open. Two, I felt selfish, as if crying out for attention.
This was not my purpose, but still may seem to be the result of such a blog. For anyone who reads my blog, please do not take the previous blog to be a plea for compliments. That is not what I am, far from it actually. I tend to respond negatively to compliments.
Rather its a baring of my feelings. Yes it seems silly to me to write out such personal things to such a public domain. However, I know relatively few people actually read this, and of those who do y'all would probably just ask me if you had any major concerns.
Please do not think I am depressed, I am not, thanks be to my glorious loving heavenly Father.
I do have moments of sadness, and confusion. Things I am trying to figure out.
Maybe I am just dramatic in my writing...though when I look back on things they accurately reflect the way I felt/feel. Maybe my emotions about the topic are just too strong. This I do not know.
Anyways, I am just writing this because I felt like I needed to write an explanation or maybe just write in general. I have this urge to just put my thoughts onto the screen right now. I can't really explain it. But oh well, not all things in this life can be explain.
Its really late and I should be sleeping, but I don't want to.
I love sleep, but am almost afraid of sleeping right now. It doesn't make sense. I just feel apprehensive. I should try anyways.
OK.
Dear Lord, as I try to sleep tonight, give me Your peace. Help my thoughts to be glorifying to You. May my focus be on Your glory and love.
With love, to Love, Amen.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
value?
A question keeps going through my head and I don't know the answer to it.
This question was sparked by a conversation I had with one of my friends.
This question has actually shifted slightly from one that is very similar to it. The first question was "Do you consider yourself valuable?", which has now shifted to "why don't you consider yourself valuable?"
Why don't I?
The Lord of the entire universe says He loves me, has given me value, says I am worth His life. If that isn't value, then nothing is.
Yet these are truths I know, but they don't sink in.
Can I not accept that I am so loved?
I know what the Lord says about me. He delights in me (Zephaniah 3:17). He loves me enough to send His son to live and die for me. For me.
Yet, I feel worthless. I honestly feel like I am not worth the time of day to anyone. I often feel that if I were not here then it really would not make a difference in anyone's life.
People have told me differently, but I don't see what they are talking about.
I do not think I have any skills or gifts that really benefit people.
I want to, I desire to care and love and really be able to help others. I want to do things that make a difference, but I feel incapable.
I lack the gifts of so many around me. I am not brave, or creative, or of wise counsel, or generous, or intellect.
This is one of the reasons why I've decided to carry on with my no dating in college. It isn't so much that I am in college, but that I am too much of an emotional wreck, too confused and lacking in confidence to want to put a guy (or well man) through that crazy roller coaster. It simply would not be fair, nor would it be healthy or good.
I sit here with tears in my eyes, because I don't want people to read this and then just say "oh, but you are so great at this or that". That's not what I want. I want to know that God can use me. I believe He can use anyone...but myself. I feel as though I possess nothing in which can further God's kingdom.
Oh I hate that I believe the lies of Satan. God can use me. I know He can. I want Him to. Why do I despair? Why is my soul downcast? Why do I have such little faith?
I can think of plenty of days in which I greatly dislike myself, but very few in which I see myself as having any value.
Why can't I find value when looking at myself. I see the value of others. Do I not have value as well?
Dear Lord, help me to not focus on myself. On my shortcomings, lack of gifts. OH Lord, help me. Help me to be satisfied in You. For this life is not about me, it's about Your glory and love. Why am I so frustrated within myself. Redirect my focus, teach me Your ways, to see life through Your eyes. Give me the grace to rejoice in the gifts of others without sadness for the lack of being able to see mine. Christ Jesus, You are good, great, gracious and glorious. In You is all satisfaction. Teach this to my heart.
with love, to Love, in Your glorious name, Amen.
This question was sparked by a conversation I had with one of my friends.
This question has actually shifted slightly from one that is very similar to it. The first question was "Do you consider yourself valuable?", which has now shifted to "why don't you consider yourself valuable?"
Why don't I?
The Lord of the entire universe says He loves me, has given me value, says I am worth His life. If that isn't value, then nothing is.
Yet these are truths I know, but they don't sink in.
Can I not accept that I am so loved?
I know what the Lord says about me. He delights in me (Zephaniah 3:17). He loves me enough to send His son to live and die for me. For me.
Yet, I feel worthless. I honestly feel like I am not worth the time of day to anyone. I often feel that if I were not here then it really would not make a difference in anyone's life.
People have told me differently, but I don't see what they are talking about.
I do not think I have any skills or gifts that really benefit people.
I want to, I desire to care and love and really be able to help others. I want to do things that make a difference, but I feel incapable.
I lack the gifts of so many around me. I am not brave, or creative, or of wise counsel, or generous, or intellect.
This is one of the reasons why I've decided to carry on with my no dating in college. It isn't so much that I am in college, but that I am too much of an emotional wreck, too confused and lacking in confidence to want to put a guy (or well man) through that crazy roller coaster. It simply would not be fair, nor would it be healthy or good.
I sit here with tears in my eyes, because I don't want people to read this and then just say "oh, but you are so great at this or that". That's not what I want. I want to know that God can use me. I believe He can use anyone...but myself. I feel as though I possess nothing in which can further God's kingdom.
Oh I hate that I believe the lies of Satan. God can use me. I know He can. I want Him to. Why do I despair? Why is my soul downcast? Why do I have such little faith?
I can think of plenty of days in which I greatly dislike myself, but very few in which I see myself as having any value.
Why can't I find value when looking at myself. I see the value of others. Do I not have value as well?
Dear Lord, help me to not focus on myself. On my shortcomings, lack of gifts. OH Lord, help me. Help me to be satisfied in You. For this life is not about me, it's about Your glory and love. Why am I so frustrated within myself. Redirect my focus, teach me Your ways, to see life through Your eyes. Give me the grace to rejoice in the gifts of others without sadness for the lack of being able to see mine. Christ Jesus, You are good, great, gracious and glorious. In You is all satisfaction. Teach this to my heart.
with love, to Love, in Your glorious name, Amen.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Something to think about
So lately I have heard a lot about short term missions trips. Whether with my home church or the church I attend while in college. So it got me thinking, what is the reason most people go on short-term missions trips? Why are they going and what are they expecting?
I sent out a question to a lot of my friends and family and these were the responses (many of which had follow up comments and discussions, but I am not going to include those because it would just be confusing):
The original question "What do you believe is the main point of short term missions trips"
Answers:
JCA- " To go aid a long0term missionary and gain mission experience, loving people and being stretched out of your comfort zone."
JH -"Hmm, a good question...I have never been on one myself, but my answer would have to be so that we as Christians get to exhibit the hands, heart and head of Christ to others and share his love and reflect his character... Additionally so we as Americans get the opportunity to remove our "blinders" in order to see what life is like in a different area of the world to help put our "position" more into perspective"
JVA- "To connect the church with the rest of the body, to transform the lifestyle and outlook of those who go on theses trips, to financially bless those who are doing long term missions. It is a way for people to love Christ in a tangible way: doing what they know they should do. I' sure there are other reasons."
JA- "Okay. Well, I think that short term mission trips affect the people going on the trip more than the people they are going to serve. It helps people see that there is another World out there that people live in. There is poverty and strife in the world. God is already working inthe place you visit. He does not need your help to serve people and "fix" their lives. We cannot go to Mexico for a week and expect to change their lives. It is pretty arrogant of us to think we can change anybody's life in a week."
MD- "Short term I think is mainly spiritual development/missions awareness for the person going on the trip as well as development of relationship in the universal church... I think it raises important awareness of yourself, God, and other believers"
VG- "I think its more for us to open our eyes, to prepare us for bigger things, and to feel the spirit. Also to expose other people to us, a people willing to act and be lead by the spirit"
VA- "I think that if you do go on one God can show you something that is eye opening in that way if that makes sense. It's a good experience to be able to be in that setting and delve in that culture too if you are going to a different country"
DC- "So [my sister] went on a short term mission trip, and it changed her life completely. God seriously got a hold of her heart once she was disconnected from America and americana. That's why she is where she is now, trying to get a missions degree. It became so obvious to her, to the point of her never being able to ignore it again, that Jesus bleeds for this world, and that there can't possibly be anything more important in life than fighting to accomplish the deepest dreams and desires of your lover and master"
LB- "To have a large number of ppl that lay down some work that can be followed up on later. To glorify God."
CM- "Hm. I probably will know better after I get back from {short term mission trip}. Maybe to rely on God more than your own abilities."
BV- "I believe the main point is to get a glimpse of the work the Lord is doing in another part of the world on a smaller scale. I know before I went on SP I had never considered doing long-term missions, but now after going on both SP's I am totally open to doing long-term missions if God opens that door for me after graduation. I also think SP's re a great way to see whether or not you feel like the Lord is putting missions on your heart! :)"
AD- "I think probably to understand how blessed we are and to learn humbleness and servitude"
NA- "Developing personal passion for cross cultural ministry"
JC- "In most cases it seems to do more for the person going than anything. I think it opens eyes to what's really going on in the world. It also gives people a chance to go & serve ministries that need the help. That's my in a nutshell version I guess."
JRA- "Short term missions makes me think that potentially Gos has set up things needed and like a revival, maybe the spark is needed. So the effect I guess would be the people you are able to reach in that short time. Empowerment of the locals in the knowledge of Christ. I guess then a long term mission would be for a much more grand scale. Establishing a church and literally harvesting the sowing."
AC- "Reaching out to people and planting seeds"
LC- "To experience something uncomfortable and to challenge you to do something way out of your comfort zone. Since God doesn't call us to live a comfortable life, it's a good way to experience that discomfort to serve others. Meeting people that are nothing like you and being able to form those relationships is one of the most rewarding feelings in the world. The month I spend in {country} changed my life and I think about the people I met everyday. It's just amazing. And the discomfort turned into comfort when I really got to know those people and loved on these orphans that felt like they had no one that loved them or cared about them and being able to show God's love to them through you. I could go on and on. I'm pretty sure that is where I want to end up one day."
JN- "to glorify God through serving either by assisting in the spread of evangelism (though the usefulness of short term missionaries is debated in this regard) or by work projects and visiting/encouraging the local church. it might be fair to at least be aware that such adventures can drive home the realities of the outside world and encourage believers in advancing their own faith though such advancement should be done for the sake of others or, more correctly, for God's sake. but it's all theory. I'm really too young and inexperienced to be sure."
JD- "To expose people to condition in the rest of the world, meet the physical needs of others, and hopefully have spiritual change/renewal in those going"
BS- "To spread the love of Christ to anyone you can reach and grow your own relationship with Christ by sharing him with everyone else :)"
SS- "Well I think we should always be ministering but I think a short term mission trip is where you go somewhere you normally wouldn't go and your purpose isn't to sight see but to spend your time telling anyone willing to listen about Jesus. About getting you out of your comfort zone. Being willing to take up your cross and follow him. We come back on fire for God because we've given him all our time and then we lose our passion by rejoining our old busy lives. Sometimes he sends us away to remember our passion and love for him. So many benefits. You teach people about Jesus and he further teaches you who he is."
EH- "To pop the bubble of those who go on them...Give them eyes for real struggles, real opportunities to serve, real need for Jesus..in a universal way. Those who go and those who they serve."
DM- "Short term missioning, if they're successful. You goob... seems like same point as regular, only condensed. So maybe serving practical, spiritual needs quickly"
MD- "I don't know that I do think there is a "main point" of them that applies in general to all of them except for simply following God's direction. I think the purpose and reason for each one can be so different. I believe God uses those experiences to grow and shape the people who are on them as well as to bless others by being encouraged, or giving them the opportunity to encourage and challenge others."
My response: "I think its so God can open our eyes, teach us how to really love, especially in situations where we are not in our comfort zone. To teach us to rely on Him and be willing to serve Him anywhere He puts us".
.... more to come, still waiting on some replies then I will finish this out with some thoughts and questions. =)
I sent out a question to a lot of my friends and family and these were the responses (many of which had follow up comments and discussions, but I am not going to include those because it would just be confusing):
The original question "What do you believe is the main point of short term missions trips"
Answers:
JCA- " To go aid a long0term missionary and gain mission experience, loving people and being stretched out of your comfort zone."
JH -"Hmm, a good question...I have never been on one myself, but my answer would have to be so that we as Christians get to exhibit the hands, heart and head of Christ to others and share his love and reflect his character... Additionally so we as Americans get the opportunity to remove our "blinders" in order to see what life is like in a different area of the world to help put our "position" more into perspective"
JVA- "To connect the church with the rest of the body, to transform the lifestyle and outlook of those who go on theses trips, to financially bless those who are doing long term missions. It is a way for people to love Christ in a tangible way: doing what they know they should do. I' sure there are other reasons."
JA- "Okay. Well, I think that short term mission trips affect the people going on the trip more than the people they are going to serve. It helps people see that there is another World out there that people live in. There is poverty and strife in the world. God is already working inthe place you visit. He does not need your help to serve people and "fix" their lives. We cannot go to Mexico for a week and expect to change their lives. It is pretty arrogant of us to think we can change anybody's life in a week."
MD- "Short term I think is mainly spiritual development/missions awareness for the person going on the trip as well as development of relationship in the universal church... I think it raises important awareness of yourself, God, and other believers"
VG- "I think its more for us to open our eyes, to prepare us for bigger things, and to feel the spirit. Also to expose other people to us, a people willing to act and be lead by the spirit"
VA- "I think that if you do go on one God can show you something that is eye opening in that way if that makes sense. It's a good experience to be able to be in that setting and delve in that culture too if you are going to a different country"
DC- "So [my sister] went on a short term mission trip, and it changed her life completely. God seriously got a hold of her heart once she was disconnected from America and americana. That's why she is where she is now, trying to get a missions degree. It became so obvious to her, to the point of her never being able to ignore it again, that Jesus bleeds for this world, and that there can't possibly be anything more important in life than fighting to accomplish the deepest dreams and desires of your lover and master"
LB- "To have a large number of ppl that lay down some work that can be followed up on later. To glorify God."
CM- "Hm. I probably will know better after I get back from {short term mission trip}. Maybe to rely on God more than your own abilities."
BV- "I believe the main point is to get a glimpse of the work the Lord is doing in another part of the world on a smaller scale. I know before I went on SP I had never considered doing long-term missions, but now after going on both SP's I am totally open to doing long-term missions if God opens that door for me after graduation. I also think SP's re a great way to see whether or not you feel like the Lord is putting missions on your heart! :)"
AD- "I think probably to understand how blessed we are and to learn humbleness and servitude"
NA- "Developing personal passion for cross cultural ministry"
JC- "In most cases it seems to do more for the person going than anything. I think it opens eyes to what's really going on in the world. It also gives people a chance to go & serve ministries that need the help. That's my in a nutshell version I guess."
JRA- "Short term missions makes me think that potentially Gos has set up things needed and like a revival, maybe the spark is needed. So the effect I guess would be the people you are able to reach in that short time. Empowerment of the locals in the knowledge of Christ. I guess then a long term mission would be for a much more grand scale. Establishing a church and literally harvesting the sowing."
AC- "Reaching out to people and planting seeds"
LC- "To experience something uncomfortable and to challenge you to do something way out of your comfort zone. Since God doesn't call us to live a comfortable life, it's a good way to experience that discomfort to serve others. Meeting people that are nothing like you and being able to form those relationships is one of the most rewarding feelings in the world. The month I spend in {country} changed my life and I think about the people I met everyday. It's just amazing. And the discomfort turned into comfort when I really got to know those people and loved on these orphans that felt like they had no one that loved them or cared about them and being able to show God's love to them through you. I could go on and on. I'm pretty sure that is where I want to end up one day."
JN- "to glorify God through serving either by assisting in the spread of evangelism (though the usefulness of short term missionaries is debated in this regard) or by work projects and visiting/encouraging the local church. it might be fair to at least be aware that such adventures can drive home the realities of the outside world and encourage believers in advancing their own faith though such advancement should be done for the sake of others or, more correctly, for God's sake. but it's all theory. I'm really too young and inexperienced to be sure."
JD- "To expose people to condition in the rest of the world, meet the physical needs of others, and hopefully have spiritual change/renewal in those going"
BS- "To spread the love of Christ to anyone you can reach and grow your own relationship with Christ by sharing him with everyone else :)"
SS- "Well I think we should always be ministering but I think a short term mission trip is where you go somewhere you normally wouldn't go and your purpose isn't to sight see but to spend your time telling anyone willing to listen about Jesus. About getting you out of your comfort zone. Being willing to take up your cross and follow him. We come back on fire for God because we've given him all our time and then we lose our passion by rejoining our old busy lives. Sometimes he sends us away to remember our passion and love for him. So many benefits. You teach people about Jesus and he further teaches you who he is."
EH- "To pop the bubble of those who go on them...Give them eyes for real struggles, real opportunities to serve, real need for Jesus..in a universal way. Those who go and those who they serve."
DM- "Short term missioning, if they're successful. You goob... seems like same point as regular, only condensed. So maybe serving practical, spiritual needs quickly"
MD- "I don't know that I do think there is a "main point" of them that applies in general to all of them except for simply following God's direction. I think the purpose and reason for each one can be so different. I believe God uses those experiences to grow and shape the people who are on them as well as to bless others by being encouraged, or giving them the opportunity to encourage and challenge others."
My response: "I think its so God can open our eyes, teach us how to really love, especially in situations where we are not in our comfort zone. To teach us to rely on Him and be willing to serve Him anywhere He puts us".
.... more to come, still waiting on some replies then I will finish this out with some thoughts and questions. =)
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Out of darkness into light.
Darkness is not so much a surrounding nothingness, but more so an inward despair.
Darkness is the absence of light. Christ is the Light of the world. Without Him we are in darkness. Even if we do live in Texas, where the sunshine makes itself very well known, we can still be sitting in darkness.
In Christ is the Light of Life.
Darkness can be an inward feeling, it can swallow us up. We can be blinded by the darkness of this world. We can be so focused on our failures or the evil in the world that we surround ourselves with darkness. But God in His goodness has provided us with light. All we are called to do is to walk into it. Move into the realm of light. Into LIFE.
Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, "I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won't have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life." -John 8:12
"He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins." -Colossians 1:13-14
All we have to do is chose Him, to find our satisfaction in Him. We walk in the light. I am afraid of the dark, but perfect love casts out fear. And God is perfect love. In Him is no darkness at all.
Oh Lord, teach me to be satisfied in You. Nothing of this world can satisfy me. I need You. I need to see my desperate need of You. Let me walk in Your light. I do not like the dark. I want to follow You. Lead me in the Light "that leads to Life. Teach my heart to focus on You and not my failures. When I focus on my failures, I look into the darkness. Turn my eyes to the light. "When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by Glory And I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me." Lord teach me to look at Your goodness, Your grace, Your love, Your greatness, and not on earthly things or my failures. I am dust, but You love me. It is Your love that makes my life worthwhile. Help me Lord Christ Jesus keep my eyes on You.
With love, to True Love
Amen
"I once was fatherless,
A stranger with no hope;
Your kindness wakened me,
Awakened me, from my sleep
Your love it beckons deeply,
A call to come and die.
By grace now I will come
And take this life, take your life.
Sin has lost it's power,
Death has lost it's sting.
From the grave you've risen
VICTORIOUSLY!
Into marvelous light I'm running,
Out of darkness, out of shame.
By the cross you are the truth,
You are the life, you are the way
My dead heart now is beating,
My deepest stains now clean.
Your breath fills up my lungs.
Now I'm free. now I'm free!
Lift my hands and spin around,
See the light that i have found.
Oh the marvelous light
Marvelous light
Lift my hands and spin
See the light within..." -Marvelous Light (Charlli Hall)
Darkness is the absence of light. Christ is the Light of the world. Without Him we are in darkness. Even if we do live in Texas, where the sunshine makes itself very well known, we can still be sitting in darkness.
In Christ is the Light of Life.
Darkness can be an inward feeling, it can swallow us up. We can be blinded by the darkness of this world. We can be so focused on our failures or the evil in the world that we surround ourselves with darkness. But God in His goodness has provided us with light. All we are called to do is to walk into it. Move into the realm of light. Into LIFE.
Jesus spoke to the people once more and said, "I am the light of the world. If you follow me, you won't have to walk in darkness, because you will have the light that leads to life." -John 8:12
"He has delivered us from the domain of darkness and transferred us to the kingdom of his beloved Son, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins." -Colossians 1:13-14
All we have to do is chose Him, to find our satisfaction in Him. We walk in the light. I am afraid of the dark, but perfect love casts out fear. And God is perfect love. In Him is no darkness at all.
Oh Lord, teach me to be satisfied in You. Nothing of this world can satisfy me. I need You. I need to see my desperate need of You. Let me walk in Your light. I do not like the dark. I want to follow You. Lead me in the Light "that leads to Life. Teach my heart to focus on You and not my failures. When I focus on my failures, I look into the darkness. Turn my eyes to the light. "When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by Glory And I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me." Lord teach me to look at Your goodness, Your grace, Your love, Your greatness, and not on earthly things or my failures. I am dust, but You love me. It is Your love that makes my life worthwhile. Help me Lord Christ Jesus keep my eyes on You.
With love, to True Love
Amen
"I once was fatherless,
A stranger with no hope;
Your kindness wakened me,
Awakened me, from my sleep
Your love it beckons deeply,
A call to come and die.
By grace now I will come
And take this life, take your life.
Sin has lost it's power,
Death has lost it's sting.
From the grave you've risen
VICTORIOUSLY!
Into marvelous light I'm running,
Out of darkness, out of shame.
By the cross you are the truth,
You are the life, you are the way
My dead heart now is beating,
My deepest stains now clean.
Your breath fills up my lungs.
Now I'm free. now I'm free!
Lift my hands and spin around,
See the light that i have found.
Oh the marvelous light
Marvelous light
Lift my hands and spin
See the light within..." -Marvelous Light (Charlli Hall)
Lord I confess that I do not trust You enough.
That I too often try to hold onto control.
I despair Lord, I crumble, I am lowly.
You humble me by Your grace.
You allow affliction for Your glory and my good.
You allow me to fall, so that I will learn that it is while on my knees, on my face, that I can most clearly see the wonder of Your glory.
I thank You for reminding me I am lower than dust.
I am unworthy.
I am despicable.
I am a sinner.
I thank You Lord for not leaving me there.
Thank You dear Lord Jesus, You have redeemed me.
You have cleansed me, so that I can stand by Your side.
You have allowed me to be Your daughter, oh God.
You have allowed me to fall down, that I may lift my eyes up.
Teach my heart Your truth.
Teach my heart Your love oh Lord.http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif
You alone are worthy.
You gather Your lamb in Your arms
You gently lead me.
Bring me back to You.
You will renew my strength, strength alone is in You.http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif
You, oh God, alone are worthy of all glory, honor, praise and love.
May the eyes of my heart be fixed on You, my Savior and Father.
May my heart sing Your praises.
In my weakness, You are strong.
You have delivered me from darkness
May my eyes stay fixed upon the Life, the Light, the Love, the Lord of my salvation.
You work all things for my good, and for Your glory.
Thank You dear Father, Savior, Redeem, Joy and Life.
You are good.
Amen
That I too often try to hold onto control.
I despair Lord, I crumble, I am lowly.
You humble me by Your grace.
You allow affliction for Your glory and my good.
You allow me to fall, so that I will learn that it is while on my knees, on my face, that I can most clearly see the wonder of Your glory.
I thank You for reminding me I am lower than dust.
I am unworthy.
I am despicable.
I am a sinner.
I thank You Lord for not leaving me there.
Thank You dear Lord Jesus, You have redeemed me.
You have cleansed me, so that I can stand by Your side.
You have allowed me to be Your daughter, oh God.
You have allowed me to fall down, that I may lift my eyes up.
Teach my heart Your truth.
Teach my heart Your love oh Lord.http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif
You alone are worthy.
You gather Your lamb in Your arms
You gently lead me.
Bring me back to You.
You will renew my strength, strength alone is in You.http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif
You, oh God, alone are worthy of all glory, honor, praise and love.
May the eyes of my heart be fixed on You, my Savior and Father.
May my heart sing Your praises.
In my weakness, You are strong.
You have delivered me from darkness
May my eyes stay fixed upon the Life, the Light, the Love, the Lord of my salvation.
You work all things for my good, and for Your glory.
Thank You dear Father, Savior, Redeem, Joy and Life.
You are good.
Amen
Monday, September 19, 2011
well?
"The fear of the LORD is the BEGINNING of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding" (Psalm 111:10)...But..."There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love" (1 John 4:18).
As we grow in His love, we realize that we will not have the punishment due to us, because of His glorious sacrifice. So whom and what shall we fear? We will not have to fear. As we become perfected in and by His love, we lose the fear of punishment.
There will still be awe, stunning, beauty that leaves us speechless. Our respect for our glorious father shall increase, our understanding of our depravity will become clearer to us. But we shall not fear in the sense that we expect to be cast away. Do we deserve it? Absolutely. But we have access to the great, free gift of mercy. Thanks be to God!
Lord, You are so good. Why do You love me? I am so lowly and dirty. Yet You love me, You give me Your peace that surpasses understanding, and is everlasting. Thank You for Your grace and mercy. I am undeserving of all good and deserving of all punishment, yet, I receive goodness, love, blessings, kindness. You are good. You have given me good gifts. Thank You. You are glorious. You alone are worthy. Thank You for Your love.
With love, to Love,
in Your wonderful glorious name,
Amen.
As we grow in His love, we realize that we will not have the punishment due to us, because of His glorious sacrifice. So whom and what shall we fear? We will not have to fear. As we become perfected in and by His love, we lose the fear of punishment.
There will still be awe, stunning, beauty that leaves us speechless. Our respect for our glorious father shall increase, our understanding of our depravity will become clearer to us. But we shall not fear in the sense that we expect to be cast away. Do we deserve it? Absolutely. But we have access to the great, free gift of mercy. Thanks be to God!
Lord, You are so good. Why do You love me? I am so lowly and dirty. Yet You love me, You give me Your peace that surpasses understanding, and is everlasting. Thank You for Your grace and mercy. I am undeserving of all good and deserving of all punishment, yet, I receive goodness, love, blessings, kindness. You are good. You have given me good gifts. Thank You. You are glorious. You alone are worthy. Thank You for Your love.
With love, to Love,
in Your wonderful glorious name,
Amen.
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Repeating Truth, so that my heart will learn to recognize it.
I had a conversation a few weeks ago with a good friend of mine, and here for a few of the ideas/thoughts/things that came out of it:
Relationships, our stupidity in them and sin, can be very frustrating. It is so hard to do things the right way, in the right timing, however it is so beautiful when that is the case. It is so much harder to do things the wrong way. We easily get deceived that giving in is much easier, but if we ever genuinely evaluate a situation, we see this is not truth. God's timing is always best. To trust that means to daily lay our desires in His hands. It means laying down the cross of relationships (romantic and otherwise) in His hands, and saying "Lord I trust You with the most precious things to me". I have to stress, this is a DAILY thing. Sometimes even hourly. "Lord, I give you my day today. I know You are good and I trust and rejoice in that truth". I have to repeat this, so that my heart will learn to recognize the truth.
In addition it is good to recognize that for those who do not know our Lord, Love Himself, they are even more easily deceived that those of us, whom God has blessed to already become His children. Without Him (the source of Life and Love)what you would feel would be nothing...in the sense of there being no point, only confusion, sadness, despair. And the point is every girl who knows not the savior is in that position which is why the run to boys to help them not be scared, to not feel alone. Its something to keep in mind when talking to girls who do not believe, or refuse to, in God. To realize that if we were in their place, our emotions would control us, for without God we can do nothing, but with God we can do all things.
In God is the ability to overcome.
Lord, I thank You for the privileged and blessing it is to know You. To be loved by You, and be able to love You in return (no matter how inadequate love from me may be). That You give me the resources to be able to please You, for in it of myself I can do nothing good. I thank You for the relationships You have put in my life. Help me to continually hand them back to You...to lay them at Your feet. You are love, power, majesty. You alone are worthy of all praise. The alpha and omega. All that is good. I thank You for the gift of Your Son, and the gift to be called Your daughter.
With love, to Love.
In Jesus name, Amen.
Relationships, our stupidity in them and sin, can be very frustrating. It is so hard to do things the right way, in the right timing, however it is so beautiful when that is the case. It is so much harder to do things the wrong way. We easily get deceived that giving in is much easier, but if we ever genuinely evaluate a situation, we see this is not truth. God's timing is always best. To trust that means to daily lay our desires in His hands. It means laying down the cross of relationships (romantic and otherwise) in His hands, and saying "Lord I trust You with the most precious things to me". I have to stress, this is a DAILY thing. Sometimes even hourly. "Lord, I give you my day today. I know You are good and I trust and rejoice in that truth". I have to repeat this, so that my heart will learn to recognize the truth.
In addition it is good to recognize that for those who do not know our Lord, Love Himself, they are even more easily deceived that those of us, whom God has blessed to already become His children. Without Him (the source of Life and Love)what you would feel would be nothing...in the sense of there being no point, only confusion, sadness, despair. And the point is every girl who knows not the savior is in that position which is why the run to boys to help them not be scared, to not feel alone. Its something to keep in mind when talking to girls who do not believe, or refuse to, in God. To realize that if we were in their place, our emotions would control us, for without God we can do nothing, but with God we can do all things.
In God is the ability to overcome.
Lord, I thank You for the privileged and blessing it is to know You. To be loved by You, and be able to love You in return (no matter how inadequate love from me may be). That You give me the resources to be able to please You, for in it of myself I can do nothing good. I thank You for the relationships You have put in my life. Help me to continually hand them back to You...to lay them at Your feet. You are love, power, majesty. You alone are worthy of all praise. The alpha and omega. All that is good. I thank You for the gift of Your Son, and the gift to be called Your daughter.
With love, to Love.
In Jesus name, Amen.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
No complaining? Yep, that is what is says.
"We should not lust after evil things...And do not become idolaters... nor let us commit sexual immorality....nor complain.... No temptation has seized you except what is common to man; but God is faithful, Who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with temptation will also make a way of escape, that you may be able to bear it." 1 Corinthians 10: 6-13
"Let no one say when he is tempted, 'I am tempted by God'; for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He Himself tempt anyone. But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death" James 1: 13-15
"Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart" 2 Timothy 2:22
The best way that I have learned to flee from temptations, from lusts, from the desire to idolize things, is to set my gaze on my Lord. If I am focused on Him, the things of this world have a much harder time grasping my attention. For who would look at an crack in the side walk when the grand canyon is before them?
1 peter 1 tells me to rest my "mind FULLY upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ; as OBEDIENT children, not conforming to the former lusts, as in (my) ignorance, but as He who called (me) is holy, (I) also be holy in all (my) conduct".
If I meditate on the things of God and pursue Him above all else, when temptation comes I will know where to turn.
I am called to be diligent in adding to my faith virtue, knowledge, SELF-CONTROL, perseverance, godliness, brotherly-kindness, and love.
This means not complaining. I need to have thanksgiving on my lips, not grumbling. I am called to be holy as my God is holy. I cannot do this... but He can do it in me.
I can only do this through the love and the grace of my Lord and Savior. I turn to Him for all strength. He is worth it all, millions of times over. I can do all things through Him: resist temptation, flee youthful lusts, be obedient and have self-control, mediate on Him and His goodness. For He is stronger than the things of this world, He has overcome them.
Thank You, my Lord, my Rock, my Savior, my Redeemer, the Love of my life, Holy One, that You would help me in every trial, in every temptation. You never leave me nor forsake me. You love me even though I can not even come close to deserving Your love. You care for me though I do nothing to gain approval or favor. You are good and holy, I am not. Yet You love me, You sustain me, You carry me, You guide me. Lord teach me to never wander from You. Help me set my eyes upon You. Be my life. I thank You Lord for Your immeasurable kindness and Love.
With love, to Love
Amen.
"Let no one say when he is tempted, 'I am tempted by God'; for God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does He Himself tempt anyone. But each one is tempted when he is drawn away by his own desires and enticed. Then, when desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, brings forth death" James 1: 13-15
"Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart" 2 Timothy 2:22
The best way that I have learned to flee from temptations, from lusts, from the desire to idolize things, is to set my gaze on my Lord. If I am focused on Him, the things of this world have a much harder time grasping my attention. For who would look at an crack in the side walk when the grand canyon is before them?
1 peter 1 tells me to rest my "mind FULLY upon the grace that is to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ; as OBEDIENT children, not conforming to the former lusts, as in (my) ignorance, but as He who called (me) is holy, (I) also be holy in all (my) conduct".
If I meditate on the things of God and pursue Him above all else, when temptation comes I will know where to turn.
I am called to be diligent in adding to my faith virtue, knowledge, SELF-CONTROL, perseverance, godliness, brotherly-kindness, and love.
This means not complaining. I need to have thanksgiving on my lips, not grumbling. I am called to be holy as my God is holy. I cannot do this... but He can do it in me.
I can only do this through the love and the grace of my Lord and Savior. I turn to Him for all strength. He is worth it all, millions of times over. I can do all things through Him: resist temptation, flee youthful lusts, be obedient and have self-control, mediate on Him and His goodness. For He is stronger than the things of this world, He has overcome them.
Thank You, my Lord, my Rock, my Savior, my Redeemer, the Love of my life, Holy One, that You would help me in every trial, in every temptation. You never leave me nor forsake me. You love me even though I can not even come close to deserving Your love. You care for me though I do nothing to gain approval or favor. You are good and holy, I am not. Yet You love me, You sustain me, You carry me, You guide me. Lord teach me to never wander from You. Help me set my eyes upon You. Be my life. I thank You Lord for Your immeasurable kindness and Love.
With love, to Love
Amen.
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Why are there temptation and trials?
If there was never temptation, where would obedience be?
If there were only things in which our physical bodies needed, we would readily do them for there it would only make sense to do so.
The tree of the knowledge of good and evil was so that Adam and Eve would obey God for the sake of obedience. God could have made it to where there was no forbidden tree, but then how would their obedience (or disobedience) ever be shown? If they had no way to disobey, would they actually be obeying or simply just doing?
These are some questions I have been thinking about a lot lately.
In James it says to consider ever trial a pure joy, because in it we grow and become mature. We learn how to obey through trials (either that or the consequences for disobedience). For this reason we are to consider it joy! For in obeying we love God. It is through obedience that we learn more about God, how to truly love and receive love.
Obedience starts in the little things of life. Daily interactions. Typical conversations. Thoughts. Any small things God is convicting you (me) about. To learn how to obey in the seemingly "unimportant" things, we train ourselves to be obedient in the bigger decision this life throws at us.
Practicing obedience is an exercise of the will. Just like a muscle you cannot expect to never lift weights and then be able to lift 200 lbs. It takes time, patience, and practice to be able to work up to that point/skill level. It is the same with obedience. We must give over all the little things in this life to God, that we will be ready to give over the larger things when they come to us.
Dear Lord, help me to give over all of the things in this life to You. To be obedient to Your calling in every aspect of my life. In sorrows. Burdens. Joys. Blessings. In everything. In You alone can joy be found. In You alone is life.
Help me to be obedient and steadfast to the calling I have receive. To love You. To love others. To bring glory to You name in both the "small" and vastly important things of this life. To look on trials with joy, seeing them as a chance to obey You and show my love. To look on blessings as the great and wonderful treasure they are. To make You my treasure, my goal, my life, my all. For where my treasure is there my heart is. Be my treasure.
With love, to Love. Amen
If there were only things in which our physical bodies needed, we would readily do them for there it would only make sense to do so.
The tree of the knowledge of good and evil was so that Adam and Eve would obey God for the sake of obedience. God could have made it to where there was no forbidden tree, but then how would their obedience (or disobedience) ever be shown? If they had no way to disobey, would they actually be obeying or simply just doing?
These are some questions I have been thinking about a lot lately.
In James it says to consider ever trial a pure joy, because in it we grow and become mature. We learn how to obey through trials (either that or the consequences for disobedience). For this reason we are to consider it joy! For in obeying we love God. It is through obedience that we learn more about God, how to truly love and receive love.
Obedience starts in the little things of life. Daily interactions. Typical conversations. Thoughts. Any small things God is convicting you (me) about. To learn how to obey in the seemingly "unimportant" things, we train ourselves to be obedient in the bigger decision this life throws at us.
Practicing obedience is an exercise of the will. Just like a muscle you cannot expect to never lift weights and then be able to lift 200 lbs. It takes time, patience, and practice to be able to work up to that point/skill level. It is the same with obedience. We must give over all the little things in this life to God, that we will be ready to give over the larger things when they come to us.
Dear Lord, help me to give over all of the things in this life to You. To be obedient to Your calling in every aspect of my life. In sorrows. Burdens. Joys. Blessings. In everything. In You alone can joy be found. In You alone is life.
Help me to be obedient and steadfast to the calling I have receive. To love You. To love others. To bring glory to You name in both the "small" and vastly important things of this life. To look on trials with joy, seeing them as a chance to obey You and show my love. To look on blessings as the great and wonderful treasure they are. To make You my treasure, my goal, my life, my all. For where my treasure is there my heart is. Be my treasure.
With love, to Love. Amen
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Bible study numero uno
So, we had our first bible study tonight. It is called Essentials. And it is simply that, exploring the essentials of the Christian faith.
Well, so God is amazing. He continually goes above and beyond my expectations. Why do I try to limit Him? Its such a silly thing.
So many people came that there was not even enough room for chairs (one person ended up sitting on the floor).
The discussion was good. No it was great! People were so open and willing to discuss, wanting to talk about God. To hear what others had to say. To dive into what it means when we say God and realize that though we can never fully comprehend all of God, we can get to know Him better by exploring some of His characteristics. His goodness, justice, righteousness, that He is omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, and soo very much more.
And then we sang worship songs afterwords til about 11 o'clock, when it became a just singing time.
It was really good, I am excited for what God has in store for us in the future. He has blessed me with my wonderful sister, who basically lead the study for us (since I am still trying to figure it out. I couldn't be more thankful!)
I even learned two cords on the guitar. I truly hope that I will be able to learn how to play at least a little bit this summer. And the piano!
I feel like there is so much I want to do this summer, and its simply too short. But its ok, I'll get done what I need to get done (after all God is the controller of time, if I don't get something done either I didn't need to do it, or I need to learn to use my time more wisely).
I have wonderful friends. Thank Lord for them! Thank You! Thank You! That they desire to talk about You, and push me to do the same.
Ah so many questions to someone that I cannot ask. You are merciful in that as well. Thank You for giving me guidance and self control. There is no way I could refrain simply on my own. And in due time I will know what I need to and won't what would not be helpful for me to know. You, Lord Jesus, are in control of that. You have time, knowledge, power, and love in Your hands. As long as I cling to You, follow You, worship and desire You above all else, the things of this world will work out the way You designed.
Lord, help me to realize Your plan is best, Your timing is best, You have a great plan for me. I will follow You Lord. I will trust You Lord. You alone are worthy of all glory! From You come blessing, honor, strength and power. Thank You creator for the blessings in my life.
You are good my dear savior and friend, all the time You are good.
With love, to Love. Amen.
Well, so God is amazing. He continually goes above and beyond my expectations. Why do I try to limit Him? Its such a silly thing.
So many people came that there was not even enough room for chairs (one person ended up sitting on the floor).
The discussion was good. No it was great! People were so open and willing to discuss, wanting to talk about God. To hear what others had to say. To dive into what it means when we say God and realize that though we can never fully comprehend all of God, we can get to know Him better by exploring some of His characteristics. His goodness, justice, righteousness, that He is omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, and soo very much more.
And then we sang worship songs afterwords til about 11 o'clock, when it became a just singing time.
It was really good, I am excited for what God has in store for us in the future. He has blessed me with my wonderful sister, who basically lead the study for us (since I am still trying to figure it out. I couldn't be more thankful!)
I even learned two cords on the guitar. I truly hope that I will be able to learn how to play at least a little bit this summer. And the piano!
I feel like there is so much I want to do this summer, and its simply too short. But its ok, I'll get done what I need to get done (after all God is the controller of time, if I don't get something done either I didn't need to do it, or I need to learn to use my time more wisely).
I have wonderful friends. Thank Lord for them! Thank You! Thank You! That they desire to talk about You, and push me to do the same.
Ah so many questions to someone that I cannot ask. You are merciful in that as well. Thank You for giving me guidance and self control. There is no way I could refrain simply on my own. And in due time I will know what I need to and won't what would not be helpful for me to know. You, Lord Jesus, are in control of that. You have time, knowledge, power, and love in Your hands. As long as I cling to You, follow You, worship and desire You above all else, the things of this world will work out the way You designed.
Lord, help me to realize Your plan is best, Your timing is best, You have a great plan for me. I will follow You Lord. I will trust You Lord. You alone are worthy of all glory! From You come blessing, honor, strength and power. Thank You creator for the blessings in my life.
You are good my dear savior and friend, all the time You are good.
With love, to Love. Amen.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Honestly.
I've felt like I should write this, but haven't wanted to. Its something I have been struggling a lot with, this last year, but especially this last week.
I don't want to sound self-pitying, yet I am afraid that will be the way it comes across. I am not saying this hoping someone will refute it, but because it is what is on my heart.
I have felt inadequate lately.
How ironic after reading my sister's latest blog about this very issue.
And I truly do know He is enough, more than enough.
So loving, kind, generous, healing is my heavenly father!
And so I am trying to understand where these feelings are coming from.
To figure out how to rejoice in the gifts He has given to others, without becoming envious of them.
It is not that I wish they did not have those gifts, I am so glad they have them! And they use them for the glory of the father.
It just saddens me that I do not know how to participate in that way.
So many of my wonderful, loving, God-fearing, God-honoring friends are so musically talented. They either have amazing instrumental skills, great voices, or both. And I simply do not fit that category at all. Although my voice is not terrible, it also, in all honesty, is not very good.
I so desire to join in when they start to play, but find myself on the sidelines.
Please if any of you are reading this, continue to play around me! I enjoy your music immensely and don't want you to feel awkward around me for having written this.
I desire to have a gift that I can share. Join in with other people and do.
I know I have heard people say I am good with kids and babies, and I know that helps people other than just me, but its not really something you can do in a group.
I'm not really sure how to put into words what I have been struggling with.
I guess its realizing that I don't really have a place where I fit in.
At school, I do not fit in with the Corps guys that my former roommate hangs out with all the time. I do not understand the military. I don't feel like I fit in here either, since I have no real musical abilities.
People have said, well you are athletic and you like sports so you fit in that way. But as I get older, it honestly gets more difficult to find people to play with. Most guys want to play with other guys, and girls, there are fewer who really want to play (I think some of my guy friends who still include me, you have no idea how much it means to me!).
This is rambling and really has no direction. I just feel really crummy lately and am trying to figure out why.
I have such great friends, yet I feel like I have nothing to contribute to them. Like when they start playing, I don't know the words and make it awkward. I'm the dud.
I want to give back, to them, to God.
Yet I am left with nothing, I don't know how!
Lord I know You accept me empty handed. How gracious You are! And You have given me friend who love me regardless of what I can give, thank You. Yet I so desperately want to give to You. To find a way to love You, glorify You, alone but also with a group. To be creative LOrd!
Yet not my will, but Your will be done.
Help me to accept what You have given me, but also what You have not.
I know You are good. Your plans are good.
Help me to see that Lord!
I need Your eyes to see that.
Help me.
With love, to Love. Amen
I don't want to sound self-pitying, yet I am afraid that will be the way it comes across. I am not saying this hoping someone will refute it, but because it is what is on my heart.
I have felt inadequate lately.
How ironic after reading my sister's latest blog about this very issue.
And I truly do know He is enough, more than enough.
So loving, kind, generous, healing is my heavenly father!
And so I am trying to understand where these feelings are coming from.
To figure out how to rejoice in the gifts He has given to others, without becoming envious of them.
It is not that I wish they did not have those gifts, I am so glad they have them! And they use them for the glory of the father.
It just saddens me that I do not know how to participate in that way.
So many of my wonderful, loving, God-fearing, God-honoring friends are so musically talented. They either have amazing instrumental skills, great voices, or both. And I simply do not fit that category at all. Although my voice is not terrible, it also, in all honesty, is not very good.
I so desire to join in when they start to play, but find myself on the sidelines.
Please if any of you are reading this, continue to play around me! I enjoy your music immensely and don't want you to feel awkward around me for having written this.
I desire to have a gift that I can share. Join in with other people and do.
I know I have heard people say I am good with kids and babies, and I know that helps people other than just me, but its not really something you can do in a group.
I'm not really sure how to put into words what I have been struggling with.
I guess its realizing that I don't really have a place where I fit in.
At school, I do not fit in with the Corps guys that my former roommate hangs out with all the time. I do not understand the military. I don't feel like I fit in here either, since I have no real musical abilities.
People have said, well you are athletic and you like sports so you fit in that way. But as I get older, it honestly gets more difficult to find people to play with. Most guys want to play with other guys, and girls, there are fewer who really want to play (I think some of my guy friends who still include me, you have no idea how much it means to me!).
This is rambling and really has no direction. I just feel really crummy lately and am trying to figure out why.
I have such great friends, yet I feel like I have nothing to contribute to them. Like when they start playing, I don't know the words and make it awkward. I'm the dud.
I want to give back, to them, to God.
Yet I am left with nothing, I don't know how!
Lord I know You accept me empty handed. How gracious You are! And You have given me friend who love me regardless of what I can give, thank You. Yet I so desperately want to give to You. To find a way to love You, glorify You, alone but also with a group. To be creative LOrd!
Yet not my will, but Your will be done.
Help me to accept what You have given me, but also what You have not.
I know You are good. Your plans are good.
Help me to see that Lord!
I need Your eyes to see that.
Help me.
With love, to Love. Amen
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Home again
Well here I am, home again.
And very glad to be...and yet, its not the same.
I love being with my family, and actually do not miss college station much at all (if at all). I think its that here its harder for me to go places. I can not just walk across campus and visit people. And since I don't have a car, I can't drive anywhere. Not that I mind so much, its just very different.
I enjoy getting to talk to my family, be around children again, have my own room, attend my home church. And yet there is an ache that comes with being home.
Not an ache for somewhere else, but for what used to be and is no longer.
I feel no different than how I was a year ago, which saddens me, because I think I should.
In less than a month I will be 21, a legal adult in all ways in the eyes of the law. Yet I still feel like such a child.
I do not know what I am supposed to do.
I feel lost, like I am going in circles, and these emotions, memories, feelings and attachments, that I so desperately want to be rid of, continue to cycle all the more.
How do I get him out of my head and away from my heart? I do not desire that he is there. I want God there, to fill every space of it, to clean it out. I desperately call out and pray to You, Lord, heal, fix, mend, remove, burn away, restore me!
Why will they not pass or fade? I think they are gone only for another wave to sweep over me. I feel like I am drowning sometimes.
Yet, the Lord is merciful. He gives me life lines, family, good friends, and most importantly Himself.
Lord,
Help me please, to every day focus on You and what You would have of me.
Take away what needs to be taken, and fill me with You instead.
Thank You for Your mercy and love.
I need You and love You, though I am often bad at showing it.
With love, to true Love.
Amen
And very glad to be...and yet, its not the same.
I love being with my family, and actually do not miss college station much at all (if at all). I think its that here its harder for me to go places. I can not just walk across campus and visit people. And since I don't have a car, I can't drive anywhere. Not that I mind so much, its just very different.
I enjoy getting to talk to my family, be around children again, have my own room, attend my home church. And yet there is an ache that comes with being home.
Not an ache for somewhere else, but for what used to be and is no longer.
I feel no different than how I was a year ago, which saddens me, because I think I should.
In less than a month I will be 21, a legal adult in all ways in the eyes of the law. Yet I still feel like such a child.
I do not know what I am supposed to do.
I feel lost, like I am going in circles, and these emotions, memories, feelings and attachments, that I so desperately want to be rid of, continue to cycle all the more.
How do I get him out of my head and away from my heart? I do not desire that he is there. I want God there, to fill every space of it, to clean it out. I desperately call out and pray to You, Lord, heal, fix, mend, remove, burn away, restore me!
Why will they not pass or fade? I think they are gone only for another wave to sweep over me. I feel like I am drowning sometimes.
Yet, the Lord is merciful. He gives me life lines, family, good friends, and most importantly Himself.
Lord,
Help me please, to every day focus on You and what You would have of me.
Take away what needs to be taken, and fill me with You instead.
Thank You for Your mercy and love.
I need You and love You, though I am often bad at showing it.
With love, to true Love.
Amen
Friday, March 25, 2011
Away from the abscene of light
What is it about the dark that scares me?
It is not the darkness itself, but rather what is in the dark...or rather what is not in the dark.
Dark is the absence of light.
I need light, I desire light.
Sunlight is what allows plants to grow, without it they die. Light allows us to see colors. Light allows us to see. Light shows us the way out of the dark.
I need light to be in me. I do not merely mean physical light. But light that comes from the ultimate source, not the sun, but the Son.
Jesus calls Himself the light. He directs our paths to those of righteousness.
Christ has drawn us our of the darkness to Himself. In Him is salvation, the forgiveness of sins.
We are called to be lights of the world. To shine bright for God's glory. To shine lights into the darkness of others. We can't do that while remaining in the dark.
We often like to stay in the dark, sitting there watching so bright flashy distraction, which we can see better in the dark. It looks appealing when we are in the dark, no one can see us. They don't know what we are doing while we are all in the dark. We would rather be distracted by the "flashy" things are this world that will pass away, than step into the everlasting light. The bright glorious light that outshines any form of amusement we try to distract ourselves with.
When we step into the light we can see what was happening in the dark, which will make us desire to stay in the light. I am more easily tempted to do wrong in the dark, actual dark, than I am in the light. The dark hides the ugly for a time, but it is still there. The light displays the ugly for what it is, so that we can change it, give it to God, be renewed, and see the beauty around us. In the dark you can't see. You are blind, except for the distractions satan wants you to see. In the light, by God's grace, you can see. Your eyes are open, not only to the destruction, hurt, ugliness that takes place in the dark, but to the true beauty of what God has made, has in store for us, to renewal, glory, wonder. Everything will be brought to light in the end. The longer we stay in the dark, the longer we ignore the light, the harsher it will be when we are brought out.
As God is graciously pulling me out of the dark, I don't want to go back. He reaches for us in the dark, pulls us out. Being in the light is hard, for a time. It hurts my eyes to adjust. To really see that what I was doing in the dark was not only wrong, but excruciatingly painful to my Lord, to the point of causing His death.
In dark is death. In light is light.
Christ is light.
Dear Lord, help me to live and walk in the light. Help me to stay way from the dark, from death, destruction, sin. I need Your help to stay in the light, You are the light. Help me stay near to You.
With love, to Love. Amen
Psalm 36:9
"For with You is the fountain of life: In Your light we see light."
Proverbs 4:18
"But the path of the just is like the shinning sun, that shines ever brighter unto the perfect day."
Isaiah 9:2
"The people who sat in darkness have seen a great light, and upon those who sat in the region and shadow of death Light has dawned"
Matthew 5:14-15
"You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.
Matthew 10:27
"Whatever I tell you in the dark, speak in the light;"
Mark 4:22
"For there is nothing hidden which will not be revealed, nor has anything been kept secret but that it should come to light"
John 1:4-5
"In him was life, and the life was the light of men. And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it."
John 3:19-21
"And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world and men loved darkness rather than light because their deeds were evil. For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed. But he who does the truth comes to the light, that his deeds may be clearly seen, that they have been done in God"
John 8:12
"I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life."
John 9:39, 41
"For judgment I have come into this world, that those who do not see may see, and that those who see may be made blind... If you were blind you would have no sin; but now you say 'we see'. Therefore your sin remains"
John 12: 35-36
"Then Jesus said to them 'A little while longer the light is with you. Walk while you have the light, lest darkness overtake you; he who walks in darkness does not know where he is going. While you have the light, believe in the light, that you may become sons of light"
John 14:6
"Jesus said to him 'I am the way the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me."
John 14:15
"The Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither see Him nor knows Him; but you know Him for He dwells with you and will be in you."
Romans 1:20-21
"For since the beginning of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the thing that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse, because although they knew God, they did not glorify Him as Gog, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish hearts were darkened."
Ephesians 5:8-14
" For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth), finding out what is acceptable to the Lord. And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of those things which are done by them in secret. But all things that are exposed are made manifest by the light, for whatever makes manifest is light.Therefore He says “Awake, you who sleep, Arise from the dead, And Christ will give you light.”
Colossians 1:13-14
"He has delivered us from the power of darkness and conveyed us into the kingdom of the Son of His love, in whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins"
Hebrews 4:13
"An there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account"
1 John 1:5
"This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you, that God is light an din Him is no darkness at all."
Interesting fact I learned: our eyes naturally respond faster when moving from darkness into the light than the other way around.
Hmmm.
"The eye takes approximately 20–30 minutes to fully adapt from bright sunlight to complete darkness and become ten thousand to one million times more sensitive than at full daylight. In this process, the eye's perception of color changes as well. However, it takes approximately five minutes for the eye to adapt to bright sunlight from darkness. This is due to cones obtaining more sensitivity when first entering the dark for the first five minutes but the rods take over after five or more minutes"
It is not the darkness itself, but rather what is in the dark...or rather what is not in the dark.
Dark is the absence of light.
I need light, I desire light.
Sunlight is what allows plants to grow, without it they die. Light allows us to see colors. Light allows us to see. Light shows us the way out of the dark.
I need light to be in me. I do not merely mean physical light. But light that comes from the ultimate source, not the sun, but the Son.
Jesus calls Himself the light. He directs our paths to those of righteousness.
Christ has drawn us our of the darkness to Himself. In Him is salvation, the forgiveness of sins.
We are called to be lights of the world. To shine bright for God's glory. To shine lights into the darkness of others. We can't do that while remaining in the dark.
We often like to stay in the dark, sitting there watching so bright flashy distraction, which we can see better in the dark. It looks appealing when we are in the dark, no one can see us. They don't know what we are doing while we are all in the dark. We would rather be distracted by the "flashy" things are this world that will pass away, than step into the everlasting light. The bright glorious light that outshines any form of amusement we try to distract ourselves with.
When we step into the light we can see what was happening in the dark, which will make us desire to stay in the light. I am more easily tempted to do wrong in the dark, actual dark, than I am in the light. The dark hides the ugly for a time, but it is still there. The light displays the ugly for what it is, so that we can change it, give it to God, be renewed, and see the beauty around us. In the dark you can't see. You are blind, except for the distractions satan wants you to see. In the light, by God's grace, you can see. Your eyes are open, not only to the destruction, hurt, ugliness that takes place in the dark, but to the true beauty of what God has made, has in store for us, to renewal, glory, wonder. Everything will be brought to light in the end. The longer we stay in the dark, the longer we ignore the light, the harsher it will be when we are brought out.
As God is graciously pulling me out of the dark, I don't want to go back. He reaches for us in the dark, pulls us out. Being in the light is hard, for a time. It hurts my eyes to adjust. To really see that what I was doing in the dark was not only wrong, but excruciatingly painful to my Lord, to the point of causing His death.
In dark is death. In light is light.
Christ is light.
Dear Lord, help me to live and walk in the light. Help me to stay way from the dark, from death, destruction, sin. I need Your help to stay in the light, You are the light. Help me stay near to You.
With love, to Love. Amen
Psalm 36:9
"For with You is the fountain of life: In Your light we see light."
Proverbs 4:18
"But the path of the just is like the shinning sun, that shines ever brighter unto the perfect day."
Isaiah 9:2
"The people who sat in darkness have seen a great light, and upon those who sat in the region and shadow of death Light has dawned"
Matthew 5:14-15
"You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.
Matthew 10:27
"Whatever I tell you in the dark, speak in the light;"
Mark 4:22
"For there is nothing hidden which will not be revealed, nor has anything been kept secret but that it should come to light"
John 1:4-5
"In him was life, and the life was the light of men. And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it."
John 3:19-21
"And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world and men loved darkness rather than light because their deeds were evil. For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed. But he who does the truth comes to the light, that his deeds may be clearly seen, that they have been done in God"
John 8:12
"I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life."
John 9:39, 41
"For judgment I have come into this world, that those who do not see may see, and that those who see may be made blind... If you were blind you would have no sin; but now you say 'we see'. Therefore your sin remains"
John 12: 35-36
"Then Jesus said to them 'A little while longer the light is with you. Walk while you have the light, lest darkness overtake you; he who walks in darkness does not know where he is going. While you have the light, believe in the light, that you may become sons of light"
John 14:6
"Jesus said to him 'I am the way the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me."
John 14:15
"The Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither see Him nor knows Him; but you know Him for He dwells with you and will be in you."
Romans 1:20-21
"For since the beginning of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the thing that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse, because although they knew God, they did not glorify Him as Gog, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish hearts were darkened."
Ephesians 5:8-14
" For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth), finding out what is acceptable to the Lord. And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of those things which are done by them in secret. But all things that are exposed are made manifest by the light, for whatever makes manifest is light.Therefore He says “Awake, you who sleep, Arise from the dead, And Christ will give you light.”
Colossians 1:13-14
"He has delivered us from the power of darkness and conveyed us into the kingdom of the Son of His love, in whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins"
Hebrews 4:13
"An there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account"
1 John 1:5
"This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you, that God is light an din Him is no darkness at all."
Interesting fact I learned: our eyes naturally respond faster when moving from darkness into the light than the other way around.
Hmmm.
"The eye takes approximately 20–30 minutes to fully adapt from bright sunlight to complete darkness and become ten thousand to one million times more sensitive than at full daylight. In this process, the eye's perception of color changes as well. However, it takes approximately five minutes for the eye to adapt to bright sunlight from darkness. This is due to cones obtaining more sensitivity when first entering the dark for the first five minutes but the rods take over after five or more minutes"
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Hopeless Case- Varnadore
So, I recognize you're amazing
I've known it since the day we met
Oh beautiful, you are my darling
But lately you can't stand yourself
Cause you've been hurt by the world
It's such a painful place to be
Oh but I still see beauty
So darling, don't you fear
I know you're not a hopeless case
And you were meant for more
This is a temporary stay
Don't believe you've gone to far
I'll love you just the same
So please don't run away
So, you're feeling pretty lonely
You are not who you thought you'd be
Well everybody needs forgiveness
Even sometimes from themselves
When you're hurt by the world
Such a painful place to be
Oh but I still see beauty
So darling, don't you fear
I know you're not a hopeless case
And you were meant for more
This is a temporary stay
And don't believe you've gone to far
I'll love you just the same
So please don't run away
You've been scared to face yourself at night
Telling everyone that you're just fine
Tell me what's the use in life if you can't be free
So darling, don't you fear
I know you're not a hopeless case
And you were meant for more
This is a temporary stay
And don't believe you've gone to far
I'll love you just the same
So please don't run away
I've known it since the day we met
Oh beautiful, you are my darling
But lately you can't stand yourself
Cause you've been hurt by the world
It's such a painful place to be
Oh but I still see beauty
So darling, don't you fear
I know you're not a hopeless case
And you were meant for more
This is a temporary stay
Don't believe you've gone to far
I'll love you just the same
So please don't run away
So, you're feeling pretty lonely
You are not who you thought you'd be
Well everybody needs forgiveness
Even sometimes from themselves
When you're hurt by the world
Such a painful place to be
Oh but I still see beauty
So darling, don't you fear
I know you're not a hopeless case
And you were meant for more
This is a temporary stay
And don't believe you've gone to far
I'll love you just the same
So please don't run away
You've been scared to face yourself at night
Telling everyone that you're just fine
Tell me what's the use in life if you can't be free
So darling, don't you fear
I know you're not a hopeless case
And you were meant for more
This is a temporary stay
And don't believe you've gone to far
I'll love you just the same
So please don't run away
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
I'm addicted to...
.. easy/quick fixes.
Examples:
instead of making a sandwich, or rather actually going upstairs and really cooking something, I will instead heat up a thing of soup and eat it with crackers.
I feel alone, so instead of praying and reading my bible, searching for Him...I text someone, get on facebook, etc.
I get tired, so I try to take a quick nap (which usually lasts way long than intended) instead of pushing through and going to sleep earlier at night.
Anyone have suggestions for me about how to specifically overcome this addiction? Verses I can memorize, reminders I can put up?
If you do, it'd be greatly appreciated.
Lord, help me to seek out what is truly good, not what is simply easy.
Through You I can do all things, help this to be true in my life.
with love, to Love. Amen
Examples:
instead of making a sandwich, or rather actually going upstairs and really cooking something, I will instead heat up a thing of soup and eat it with crackers.
I feel alone, so instead of praying and reading my bible, searching for Him...I text someone, get on facebook, etc.
I get tired, so I try to take a quick nap (which usually lasts way long than intended) instead of pushing through and going to sleep earlier at night.
Anyone have suggestions for me about how to specifically overcome this addiction? Verses I can memorize, reminders I can put up?
If you do, it'd be greatly appreciated.
Lord, help me to seek out what is truly good, not what is simply easy.
Through You I can do all things, help this to be true in my life.
with love, to Love. Amen
Saturday, January 29, 2011
With and without
I'm so..
tired of being tired.
Restless of restlessness.
Confused about confusion.
Sick of sickness.
Sad because of sadness.
frustrated with frustration
pained by pain.
heavy with heaviness.
emptied by emptiness.
drained of draining.
angry with anger.
Sinfully sinful
arrogantly arrogant
hungry for hunger.
thirsty for thirst.
desiring desire.
longing longing.
hopelessly hopeless.
Broken brokenness
You are...
Living life
Patiently patient
Peacefully peace
truthfully truth
wonderfully wonderful
joyfully joyous
calmly calm
lovingly loving
awesomely awesome
full of fullness
justly justice
purely pure
humbly humble
kindly kind
creatively creative
faithfully faithful
hopefully hopeful
perfectly perfect
You heal...
My tiredness with Your peace
My restlessness with Your patience
My confusion with Your truth
My sickness with Your wonder
My sadness with Your joy
My frustration with Your calm
My pain with Your love
My heaviness with Your awe
My emptiness with Your fullness
My anger with Your justice
My sin with Your purity
My arrogance with Your humility
My hunger with Your kindness
My thirst with Your creativity
My longing with Your faithfulness
My hopelessness with Your hope
My brokenness with Your perfection
I am
nothing without You.
Everything with You.
Lost without You.
Found with You.
Alone without You.
Belonging with You.
Scared without You.
Secure with You.
Longing without You.
Satisfied with You.
Empty without You.
Full with You.
Hate without You.
Love with You.
Lord, I realize my need for You. My desires and my wants of more You. Help me to change anytime I use "I""me" or any other pronoun pertaining to myself, and changed it to You. Until all that is left is more and more of You, and less of me. You are what matters, what is important, what is good, right, faithful, true. Make that clear Lord. More of You.
With love, to Love. Amen
tired of being tired.
Restless of restlessness.
Confused about confusion.
Sick of sickness.
Sad because of sadness.
frustrated with frustration
pained by pain.
heavy with heaviness.
emptied by emptiness.
drained of draining.
angry with anger.
Sinfully sinful
arrogantly arrogant
hungry for hunger.
thirsty for thirst.
desiring desire.
longing longing.
hopelessly hopeless.
Broken brokenness
You are...
Living life
Patiently patient
Peacefully peace
truthfully truth
wonderfully wonderful
joyfully joyous
calmly calm
lovingly loving
awesomely awesome
full of fullness
justly justice
purely pure
humbly humble
kindly kind
creatively creative
faithfully faithful
hopefully hopeful
perfectly perfect
You heal...
My tiredness with Your peace
My restlessness with Your patience
My confusion with Your truth
My sickness with Your wonder
My sadness with Your joy
My frustration with Your calm
My pain with Your love
My heaviness with Your awe
My emptiness with Your fullness
My anger with Your justice
My sin with Your purity
My arrogance with Your humility
My hunger with Your kindness
My thirst with Your creativity
My longing with Your faithfulness
My hopelessness with Your hope
My brokenness with Your perfection
I am
nothing without You.
Everything with You.
Lost without You.
Found with You.
Alone without You.
Belonging with You.
Scared without You.
Secure with You.
Longing without You.
Satisfied with You.
Empty without You.
Full with You.
Hate without You.
Love with You.
Lord, I realize my need for You. My desires and my wants of more You. Help me to change anytime I use "I""me" or any other pronoun pertaining to myself, and changed it to You. Until all that is left is more and more of You, and less of me. You are what matters, what is important, what is good, right, faithful, true. Make that clear Lord. More of You.
With love, to Love. Amen
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
It no longer feels like alone...
So often I have viewed the words "alone" and "single" as synonyms. But that is by far not the case. And although I have told myself time and time again that there is a difference between the two things, in the back of my mind I think I still saw them the same.
But, by God's grace, I no longer do.
Struggling over the last winter break (trying to understand what I needed to do, where the guilt was coming from, realizing what I needed to do and trying to figure out how to do it) I was confused. I kept putting the blame on something else, and really believing that was the cause. When really what God was telling me is "you are not ready for this. First be satisfied in Me"
Although I have heard this many many many many times before, I didn't understand what it meant. To be honest I know I still don't completely grasp it. But I do know that when I had that conversation (as hard as it was, as long as it was) when I walked away, although I was sorry for the pain that I had caused by beginning such a thing, I felt lighter. Free almost. God gave me a sense of peace.
For the first time in a while, I wanted to read my bible, to pray.
I hadn't even realized how hard that had become for me until it no longer was.
Last night at breakaway there were two songs that stuck out to me. God's grace in reminders. God's love through our realization of Him and His power, love, mercy, justice.
The first song was "You alone can rescue" by Matt Redman
And the lines get repeated some, so this was probably about the 3rd or 4th time I was singing these lyrics when it just hit me:
"You alone can rescue, You alone can save "
As dumb as it may sound, this had been one of my biggest fears with having that conversation...that it would drive him away from God.
But God just told me, "its not your job to save or rescue, its Mine. And I can do it no matter what you have done".
God just allowed His peace to rest on me. He gave me the ability to lay down my burden at His feet. His grace is enough, its always enough.
The second song was: "Christ is Risen" by Matt Maher
"Let no one caught in sin remain
Inside the lie of inward shame
But fix our eyes upon the cross
And run to Him who showed great love"
Just His constant reminder to return to Him.
Just joy in His love.
He has given me peace and joy.
Its hard to explain. But those who understand know that already. Yet it is so great.
I do know that got has great things for me now. I have NO CLUE what they are. But I know that I need to do it just Him and me. And I am happy about that.
Its no longer alone to be single, not in the least. Its to learn to be closer to my True Love, to my Savior, to learn to be satisfied in Him and Him alone.
Lord, thank you for changing my mind, and my heart. For taking away earthly longing that I hadn't even realized my directing my actions. Help me to hold to this realization that You are all I need. I find joy and peace in You. And when I am in turmoil Lord, help me to realize You are the only thing solid . You are more than enough. Help me to search out what You desire for me, here and now. I love You Lord. Help me to grow in that love.
With love, to Love. Amen.
But, by God's grace, I no longer do.
Struggling over the last winter break (trying to understand what I needed to do, where the guilt was coming from, realizing what I needed to do and trying to figure out how to do it) I was confused. I kept putting the blame on something else, and really believing that was the cause. When really what God was telling me is "you are not ready for this. First be satisfied in Me"
Although I have heard this many many many many times before, I didn't understand what it meant. To be honest I know I still don't completely grasp it. But I do know that when I had that conversation (as hard as it was, as long as it was) when I walked away, although I was sorry for the pain that I had caused by beginning such a thing, I felt lighter. Free almost. God gave me a sense of peace.
For the first time in a while, I wanted to read my bible, to pray.
I hadn't even realized how hard that had become for me until it no longer was.
Last night at breakaway there were two songs that stuck out to me. God's grace in reminders. God's love through our realization of Him and His power, love, mercy, justice.
The first song was "You alone can rescue" by Matt Redman
And the lines get repeated some, so this was probably about the 3rd or 4th time I was singing these lyrics when it just hit me:
"You alone can rescue, You alone can save "
As dumb as it may sound, this had been one of my biggest fears with having that conversation...that it would drive him away from God.
But God just told me, "its not your job to save or rescue, its Mine. And I can do it no matter what you have done".
God just allowed His peace to rest on me. He gave me the ability to lay down my burden at His feet. His grace is enough, its always enough.
The second song was: "Christ is Risen" by Matt Maher
"Let no one caught in sin remain
Inside the lie of inward shame
But fix our eyes upon the cross
And run to Him who showed great love"
Just His constant reminder to return to Him.
Just joy in His love.
He has given me peace and joy.
Its hard to explain. But those who understand know that already. Yet it is so great.
I do know that got has great things for me now. I have NO CLUE what they are. But I know that I need to do it just Him and me. And I am happy about that.
Its no longer alone to be single, not in the least. Its to learn to be closer to my True Love, to my Savior, to learn to be satisfied in Him and Him alone.
Lord, thank you for changing my mind, and my heart. For taking away earthly longing that I hadn't even realized my directing my actions. Help me to hold to this realization that You are all I need. I find joy and peace in You. And when I am in turmoil Lord, help me to realize You are the only thing solid . You are more than enough. Help me to search out what You desire for me, here and now. I love You Lord. Help me to grow in that love.
With love, to Love. Amen.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
I am tired of stumbling
I feel like I continually fall below the standards I hold for myself.
I am not running the race well, I can barely walk it.
It is not that the ground is too full of rocks, but rather that I have tried to step on the needles and lava, the deathly things that lie outside the path so long that I have maimed my feet.
They no longer know how to walk.
They are scarred, broken, bleeding.
So again I turn to You, the giver of all grace. To heal my brokenness, as only You can do.
To fix what I have messed up.
To clean the spots away, that I may run the race in a way in which reflects a desire for the prize.
You are good and faithful.
You are righteous and true
In You is justice, yet mercy.
In You in the way of life.
So Lord, I ask of You again, please grab my hand and teach me how to walk, and then run, the path You have set before me.
Teach these stumbling legs the sturdiness of Your strength.
Allow these searching and hurting feet to find the firm way beneath them.
Lord, ever so faithful. I thank You.
You have pulled me from the fire, bandaged my wounds
and led me back to the track, pointed me in the right direction, and then held out Your hand to teach me to walk, that I might one day be able to run the race for You. For Your glory.
You are wonderful and I undeserving
You are merciful, gracious and I gladly receive the gifts of Your hand and Your majesty.
Lord, thank You
with love, to LOVE. Amen.
I am not running the race well, I can barely walk it.
It is not that the ground is too full of rocks, but rather that I have tried to step on the needles and lava, the deathly things that lie outside the path so long that I have maimed my feet.
They no longer know how to walk.
They are scarred, broken, bleeding.
So again I turn to You, the giver of all grace. To heal my brokenness, as only You can do.
To fix what I have messed up.
To clean the spots away, that I may run the race in a way in which reflects a desire for the prize.
You are good and faithful.
You are righteous and true
In You is justice, yet mercy.
In You in the way of life.
So Lord, I ask of You again, please grab my hand and teach me how to walk, and then run, the path You have set before me.
Teach these stumbling legs the sturdiness of Your strength.
Allow these searching and hurting feet to find the firm way beneath them.
Lord, ever so faithful. I thank You.
You have pulled me from the fire, bandaged my wounds
and led me back to the track, pointed me in the right direction, and then held out Your hand to teach me to walk, that I might one day be able to run the race for You. For Your glory.
You are wonderful and I undeserving
You are merciful, gracious and I gladly receive the gifts of Your hand and Your majesty.
Lord, thank You
with love, to LOVE. Amen.
Monday, January 3, 2011
When I crumble
Why is it that every time I see you, I crumble.
It doesn't matter how long I have been preparing myself, how far in advance I know, how many prep talks I give my heart/emotions, I still crumble.
Am I a sand castle built on the rock?
I know that the root of my foundation will not be moved. Christ is my rock, and He is consistent, He is faithful.
It is true I do not weep for as long. Nor does the longing and thoughts persist as harshly and predominately as before. Yet they return, with power they return, though I hope and think that power is slowly weakening.
Yet you, with all the memories attached, return to me.
But, would I rather never see your face? Have you disappear without a trace?
Would I rather run away and never have to face the day in which you would return.
Do I not want to give you that hug, the one we used to share so readily that now must be received with hesitation and confusion?
No, my answer is still the same.
Regardless of the pain
I want to see your face again, I want to talk about your plans
I want to know what is in your life, I want to make it through this strife.
I think that in the end we'll see, that God really has a plan for you and me.
We might not be together,we might have to part.
But trust me when I tell you,
You were my first love.
And always will be.
I cannot change this fact,
no matter how much the desire or lack thereof.
But I know this, I will thank the God above
He has taught me what is love
He will teach me how to wait
how to find the right way
which I pray
I will be able to see
In the end
God knows the plan
everything in my life
is in His hand.
What comfort this thought
through all the hard times
to know that God
has me on His mind.
I thank you Lord,
for Your faithfulness
and know that in You
lies eternal bliss.
I run to You
for You are truth
May I get lost in Your wondrous grace
for my true desire is to see Your face.
Teach me what I need to know
For my heart still aches for the past I cannot change
Yet I desire to embrace the future You have for me
Oh dear Lord, please hear my plea.
God, I need You. OH so much more than I even know, or can express. Yet You know my heart, my needs, everything.
Heal me Lord, from the inside out.
With love, to Love
Amen
It doesn't matter how long I have been preparing myself, how far in advance I know, how many prep talks I give my heart/emotions, I still crumble.
Am I a sand castle built on the rock?
I know that the root of my foundation will not be moved. Christ is my rock, and He is consistent, He is faithful.
It is true I do not weep for as long. Nor does the longing and thoughts persist as harshly and predominately as before. Yet they return, with power they return, though I hope and think that power is slowly weakening.
Yet you, with all the memories attached, return to me.
But, would I rather never see your face? Have you disappear without a trace?
Would I rather run away and never have to face the day in which you would return.
Do I not want to give you that hug, the one we used to share so readily that now must be received with hesitation and confusion?
No, my answer is still the same.
Regardless of the pain
I want to see your face again, I want to talk about your plans
I want to know what is in your life, I want to make it through this strife.
I think that in the end we'll see, that God really has a plan for you and me.
We might not be together,we might have to part.
But trust me when I tell you,
You were my first love.
And always will be.
I cannot change this fact,
no matter how much the desire or lack thereof.
But I know this, I will thank the God above
He has taught me what is love
He will teach me how to wait
how to find the right way
which I pray
I will be able to see
In the end
God knows the plan
everything in my life
is in His hand.
What comfort this thought
through all the hard times
to know that God
has me on His mind.
I thank you Lord,
for Your faithfulness
and know that in You
lies eternal bliss.
I run to You
for You are truth
May I get lost in Your wondrous grace
for my true desire is to see Your face.
Teach me what I need to know
For my heart still aches for the past I cannot change
Yet I desire to embrace the future You have for me
Oh dear Lord, please hear my plea.
God, I need You. OH so much more than I even know, or can express. Yet You know my heart, my needs, everything.
Heal me Lord, from the inside out.
With love, to Love
Amen
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