When I crumble

Why is it that every time I see you, I crumble.
It doesn't matter how long I have been preparing myself, how far in advance I know, how many prep talks I give my heart/emotions, I still crumble.

Am I a sand castle built on the rock?
I know that the root of my foundation will not be moved. Christ is my rock, and He is consistent, He is faithful.

It is true I do not weep for as long. Nor does the longing and thoughts persist as harshly and predominately as before. Yet they return, with power they return, though I hope and think that power is slowly weakening.

Yet you, with all the memories attached, return to me.
But, would I rather never see your face? Have you disappear without a trace?
Would I rather run away and never have to face the day in which you would return.
Do I not want to give you that hug, the one we used to share so readily that now must be received with hesitation and confusion?

No, my answer is still the same.
Regardless of the pain
I want to see your face again, I want to talk about your plans
I want to know what is in your life, I want to make it through this strife.

I think that in the end we'll see, that God really has a plan for you and me.

We might not be together,we might have to part.

But trust me when I tell you,
You were my first love.
And always will be.

I cannot change this fact,
no matter how much the desire or lack thereof.

But I know this, I will thank the God above
He has taught me what is love
He will teach me how to wait
how to find the right way
which I pray
I will be able to see

In the end
God knows the plan
everything in my life
is in His hand.

What comfort this thought
through all the hard times
to know that God
has me on His mind.

I thank you Lord,
for Your faithfulness
and know that in You
lies eternal bliss.

I run to You
for You are truth

May I get lost in Your wondrous grace
for my true desire is to see Your face.

Teach me what I need to know
For my heart still aches for the past I cannot change
Yet I desire to embrace the future You have for me
Oh dear Lord, please hear my plea.


God, I need You. OH so much more than I even know, or can express. Yet You know my heart, my needs, everything.
Heal me Lord, from the inside out.
With love, to Love
Amen