Growing Pains

January 30, 2010

Oh joy that ...seeks me through the pain
I cannot close my heart to thee
I trace the rainbow through the rain
and know the promise is not vain
that mourn shall tearless be

Rejoice my heart! Rejoice my soul!
my savior God has come to thee
Rejoice my heart! You've been made whole
by a love that will not let me go

This last week has been really hard for me.
I never knew I could be in so much pain and still know that I will be/am ok.
That sounds like a contradiction, but its not.
I have been hurting a lot, but also have felt an immense amount of peace from my Savior.
My family has been a huge support for me, (not only these last few days but over the last few months especially), I do not think I could ask for/think of a better group to help me. They do not do this by negating my pain, or saying oh it will go away, or saying I am overreacting, but rather they point me to the only one who can actually help me, my Lord and Savior.
I do not understand His will for my life, I do not understand why certain things happen, but I KNOW that He loves me, and wants what is best for me.
Maybe my timing has just been off for now, or maybe its more than that.
It is painful to think the latter, and even more so to actually put it out in words, but whichever of the two it is I will trust my Lord.

It is not in the easy times that our faith is pushed to the brink, but in the times of suffering.
And although I can not even begin to understand the pain that many people have gone through....I have never had to experience starving, being homeless, being abandoned, having a serious disease... I do know that my pain is real to me.
It is not pleasant. But it is part of the growing process. (Growing Pains).
Sometimes I feel as if I would rather stay small, and not grow because the process hurts so much, but then I would never get to experience some of the great stuff out there that only the little bit older, little bit bigger people can understand.

I need to continually pray to God that He molds my heart to fit His purpose and His kingdom.
It hurts and I don't like pain.
But the knowledge of the joy that comes after the TEMPORARY pain, is worth it.
Even if that pain lasts for an entire lifetime, it is still temporary in light of eternity, and so that is what I need to keep my focus on.