Its better, but still...

I do not understand. I should be jumping for joy. After 4 months my best friend has decided that he can speak to me...only wait. It can only happen once a week.
OK. I understand where he is coming from. He has other friends he needs to focus on. Also sometimes its hard to not act as if "we are a couple", so he tells me. And I understand that. I agree that is difficult to do sometimes, but its what I have been trying very hard to do, because I don't want to lose a really good friend again.
Then he asks me, just before we get out of his truck, "Ok, I just really want to know, do you think we will ever be somethings again?
What a loaded question, with a few seconds to answer. So my response comes out like this "Oh I don't know....maybe?"(Though I don't even know if he heard the last part, he was on his way out of the truck).
Ugh, I wanted to kick myself, not exactly for my response, because that is the truth I don't know, but just for answering at all. I should have thought a second longer, prayed about it, something. Not just blurted something out like the idiot I continue to prove myself to be.
Haha, I can't help but laugh. What a question to ask. Why? I mean. "do you think we will ever be something again?" really? How on earth am I supposed to know that. Had he said "do you want to" or "how do you feel about me" or any rendition of those questions, I might have been able to answer but no, he didn't. Blessing in disguise? for me or for him? Its too early to tell.
The thing is I am not looking to be in a relationship. I just want his friendship. Sadly I think I sacrificed that long ago with being the idiot that I continue to be.


Oh to keep my heart open and vulnerable to God. I want to do what He wants. Why am I so deaf and blind.
Lord, I want to do what You want for me. How do I do that?

James 1:2-4
2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Psalm 118: 24
This is the day that the LORD has made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it.

Psalm 118:28, 29
You are my God, and I will praise You;
You are my God, I will exalt You.
Oh, give thanks to the LORD, for He is good!
For His mercy endures forever.

and Jeremiah 29:11

Lord help me to live these out and to love You.
Cause I suck at it, and I really need Your help.
Especially with him.