This is why, when I lay down thoughts of all my lowest moments come flooding in. My biggest regrets. Things I wish I could take back. Things I hate about myself, that I did to myself and to others. Things that make me sick to look at myself in a mirror or go to class, be among other people, talk to anyone. I feel like filth, slime, garbage, the scum of the earth. I quite literally hate those parts of myself. My past...my current thoughts....my fear of the future.
I try and force myself to think of Truth. I mean I know those things really are true of me. and that really hurts. But I try to think of what God says of me, but that is much harder. Why is it so much harder?
I know He cares for me, is seeking me out:
"What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go in search of the one that went astray? And if he finds it, truly, I say to you, he rejoices over it more than over the ninety-nine that never went astray. So it is not the will of my Father who is in heaven that one of these little ones should perish." --Matthew 18:12-14 ESV
He loves me:
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life". - John 3:16
Romans 5:8. But God shows and clearly proves His love for us by the fact that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
"We love because he first loved us."
1 John 4:19 New International Version
"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends."
John 15:13 New International Version
He has forgiven me:
(God is love and...)
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear ...
-- 1 John 4:18
"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."
Hebrews 4:16 New International Version
"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."
1 John 1:9 New International Version
Lord, help me to hold onto Your truth. Not anything else, but Your truth, Your love, Your Grace, Your forgiveness. Help me to cling to You, Lord.
It is the cry of my heart to follow You
It is the cry of my heart
To follow You
It is the cry of my heart
To be close to You
It is the cry of my heart
To follow
All of the days of my life
Teach me Your holy ways, O Lord
So I can walk in Your truth
Teach me Your holy ways, O Lord
And make me wholly devoted to You
Open my eyes to I can see
The wonderful things that You do
Open my heart up more and more
And make it wholly devoted to You
In the secret, in the quiet place
In the stillness You are there.
In the secret, in the quiet hour I wait,
Only for You,'cause I want to know You more;
I want to know You,
I want to hear Your voice
I want to know You more.
I want to touch You,
I want to see Your face
I want to know You more.
I am reaching for the highest goal,
then I might receive the prize.
Pressing onward, pushing every hindrance aside,
Out of my way, 'cause I want to know you more
I want to know You,
I want to hear Your voice
I want to know You more.
I want to touch You,
I want to see Your face
I want to know You more....
Lord, I need to know You more.
"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need."
Hebrews 4:16 New International Version
"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."
1 John 1:9 New International Version
"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,"
Romans 8:1 New International Version
"Come now, let us reason together,"
says the LORD.
"Though your sins are like scarlet,
they shall be as white as snow;
though they are red as crimson,
they shall be like wool.""
Isaiah 1:18 New International Version
"In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God's grace."
Ephesians 1:7 New International Version
"As far as the east is from the west,
so far has he removed our transgressions from us."
Psalm 103:12 New International Version
Lord, help me to hold onto Your truth. Not anything else, but Your truth, Your love, Your Grace, Your forgiveness. Help me to cling to You, Lord.
It is the cry of my heart to follow You
It is the cry of my heart
To follow You
It is the cry of my heart
To be close to You
It is the cry of my heart
To follow
All of the days of my life
Teach me Your holy ways, O Lord
So I can walk in Your truth
Teach me Your holy ways, O Lord
And make me wholly devoted to You
Open my eyes to I can see
The wonderful things that You do
Open my heart up more and more
And make it wholly devoted to You
In the secret, in the quiet place
In the stillness You are there.
In the secret, in the quiet hour I wait,
Only for You,'cause I want to know You more;
I want to know You,
I want to hear Your voice
I want to know You more.
I want to touch You,
I want to see Your face
I want to know You more.
I am reaching for the highest goal,
then I might receive the prize.
Pressing onward, pushing every hindrance aside,
Out of my way, 'cause I want to know you more
I want to know You,
I want to hear Your voice
I want to know You more.
I want to touch You,
I want to see Your face
I want to know You more....
Lord, I need to know You more.
Read this out LOUD Rachel!!!
ReplyDeleteHe loves you SO much!! : )
Psalm 118
1 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;
his love endures forever.
2 Let Israel say:
"His love endures forever."
3 Let the house of Aaron say:
"His love endures forever."
4 Let those who fear the LORD say:
"His love endures forever."
5 In my anguish I cried to the LORD,
and he answered by setting me free.
6 The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?
7 The LORD is with me; he is my helper.
I will look in triumph on my enemies.
8 It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in man.
9 It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in princes.
10 All the nations surrounded me,
but in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
11 They surrounded me on every side,
but in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
12 They swarmed around me like bees,
but they died out as quickly as burning thorns;
in the name of the LORD I cut them off.
13 I was pushed back and about to fall,
but the LORD helped me.
14 The LORD is my strength and my song;
he has become my salvation.
15 Shouts of joy and victory
resound in the tents of the righteous:
"The LORD's right hand has done mighty things!
16 The LORD's right hand is lifted high;
the LORD's right hand has done mighty things!"
17 I will not die but live,
and will proclaim what the LORD has done.
18 The LORD has chastened me severely,
but he has not given me over to death.
19 Open for me the gates of righteousness;
I will enter and give thanks to the LORD.
20 This is the gate of the LORD
through which the righteous may enter.
21 I will give you thanks, for you answered me;
you have become my salvation.
22 The stone the builders rejected
has become the capstone;
23 the LORD has done this,
and it is marvelous in our eyes.
24 This is the day the LORD has made;
let us rejoice and be glad in it.
25 O LORD, save us;
O LORD, grant us success.
26 Blessed is he who comes in the name of the LORD.
From the house of the LORD we bless you.
27 The LORD is God,
and he has made his light shine upon us.
With boughs in hand, join in the festal procession
up to the horns of the altar.
28 You are my God, and I will give you thanks;
you are my God, and I will exalt you.
29 Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good;
his love endures forever.
Rachel,
ReplyDeleteOne of the things that God impressed on me when I was about your age, my freshman year in college, was that His love for me was different than I had been able to grasp before. He really delights in us, our different personalities, our response to His love, our growth, each of us uniquely.
A beautiful verse to consider is Zephaniah 3:16 and 17 - In that day it shall be said to Jerusalem: "Do not fear: Zion, let not your hands be weak. The Lord your God in your midst, The Mighty One, will save; He will rejoice over you with gladness, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing."
We are Jerusalem because we have been grafted in, we are adopted, beloved children. If you can delight in Selah, and Alexa, just because they are who they are, imagine how much deeper God's love is for you. The thought of Him singing over me, over you, how amazing is that?
It is whenever I grasp, even just a little, how much He loves me, that I am strong. Our enemy wants us to forget this - because this truth is what seals us to our Father...He woos us with His kindness. When we are focusing on ourselves, even on the things that we know need to be changed, we are nevertheless missing out by not focusing on Him. He will grow us, change us, as we keep our minds on Him, and we will be at peace. We can't change ourselves anyway.
Hey, just so you know, I need to be reminded of this all the time...so, I'm preaching to the choir, so to speak. I know this is nothing new to you, but thought it might help.
I love you,
Mom
I just wanted to say thank you to both of you. That really helped a lot.
ReplyDeleteI love you guys. =)