I don't know....

... what's wrong with me. Lately I have felt very emotional, but have not wanted it to show at all. So many thoughts keep going through my head, yet I can't concentrate on any of them. They are fleeting, coming and going, darting around in my head. I want to sleep, just curl up in a ball, away from everything, yet at night I can't. The last 3 nights my brain has been so active and yet unfocused I can't sleep, even though I am very tired. I don't know what is going on with me. I don't like this. I don't like me right now.
I keep questioning everything I do; was that the right thing to say to her? Should I have been paying closer attention to what she was saying? Do I spend enough time with so and so? Should I have studied more for that test? Am I doing the best I can? Am I giving off the wrong impression?
In addition to that other questions, thoughts, ideas, etc, keep running through my brain. Why do I care that he respects me and thinks I am smart? Does he know that he is the only guy I have ever loved? Why do I care if he knows that or not? Should I even write that out on the off chance that he sees it? That people think I am smart is very important to me. Do I take that too far? It isn't wrong to hope that others like you, but am I putting too much emphasis on this? People say I am a good bible study leader. I do not feel like a good leader. I am often confused, lost, and grasping for what I should do. I hate saying “I don't know”, yet it is the most honest answer I can give most the time. Why does it kinda hurt that even though I didn't like him at all like that, he moved on so quickly after saying he liked me to another girl. That is just silly! I am frustrated with myself about that. I don't want him to like me like that, so why did it bother me a little bit?
I constantly feel like I am behind in school. I have no idea what I am doing in the future. I want to go home and be home, but I know that won't solve my problems. I just want a real, big genuine hug from someone who actually cares about me. Not romantically, but as a person. Someone who just wants to comfort me. I feel like such a girl writing this out. Yet I can't help it. Is this a pathetic cry for attention or help? I don't know. I don't like that I don't know.
Why have I started feeling lonely lately? I am not supposed to date right now, God has given me peace and direction about that...so why this new feeling cropping up?

Oh God, I am so frazzled right now. I can't think straight, my emotions are screwed up, I am grasping for air. Help me. Calm me. Teach me Your peace. I will count this trial as joy, because I know You are wanting to grow me. Lord help me to view things in light of eternity, in light of Your gift, of You, and not my crazy emotions. Lord I trust You, teach my heart to trust You more.
With love, to Love, in the wonderful name of my beloved Savior, Christ Jesus, Amen.