I don't understand why I feel sad lately.
I am so blessed, I'm trying to realize that, yet I feel like crying so often.
"The hurt will go away, give it time" words I try to use to comfort myself but it doesn't do any good.
To add other things on top, school has been bothering me. I am disappointed in myself for not working harder, for not devoting more time to school, but I just can't seem to do it lately. And my grades are reflecting that. In a single test I knock my way out of being able to get an A in history, unless I get a 100 on all the rest of the quizzes and tests. I could have done better.
What is wrong with me?
Why am I acting and feeling this way?
Why do I feel like crying even as I type this?
Sure I seem ok enough, I can act a little...whats the point in making everyone else around me miserable. And its not like everything is bad all the time, it just seems to be whenever I hear certain songs, stop to think for a while, try to fall asleep with thoughts racing through my head. I look for distractions, it doesn't work.
I need to turn to God. The only one who can help.
I will search Your word oh Lord, my refuge and my strength. Help me Lord.

"The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song". ~Psalms 28:7

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." ~Jeremiah 29:11

God help me to take that truth and move it from my head to my heart. I need to know Lord. My heart is stubborn. Melt it please. It hurts, please take it from me. Help me to give it to You.

"Guard my life and rescue me; let me not be put to shame, for I take refuge in you." ~Psalms 25:20

I will hold to Your truth, Oh Lord my God:

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. ~James 1:17

Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life ? "And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? ~Matthew 6:26-30

Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. ~Matthew 7:7

Lord, I love you, even with my pitiful love, and You say, "welcome my child".

I am not worthy to be in Your presence, and You say," come sit by My side".

I say I am ugly, sinful, unworthy, and You say to me, "My beautiful daughter, you are forgiven, come to me, I love you".
Thank You Lord.
Help me to love You.