Being a friend.

This will seem a little strange in light of the last post. But I really think God has been working on my mind and heart, protecting them and shedding light on what is really going on.
So, weird as it may sound, I really like being the friend who can offer encouragement and advice in this situation. A really good guy friend of mine is worried, I care about him, speak truth into his life about what is really going on where he is apt to believe only the negative. I am really excited and blessed to be his friend, sister in Christ, who can encourage him, point him to truth. I think my emotions were confusing the respect and care I have about him, as a good friend and brother in Christ, into something else, something not really helpful. This seems like a sudden change, but I think seeing how happy he is with the place he is currently in, and getting to talk to him about it, helps a lot. I don't feel jealous when he talks about it. I think its more that I just really care, and I need to no confuse that with other feelings.

Dear Lord, I thank You for protecting my heart and mind, even in my foolishness. I thank You for turning hard situations in to ones that are life giving and maturing. That You send all kinds of trials, not for punishment, but for our maturing, that we may be complete in You. I thank You for Your love and goodness. Continue to protect my heart. Teach me more each day to be more satisfied in You and rely on You for all things. You are good, You are God.
With love, to Love, Amen.

The things friends do.

There is something seriously wrong with having to encourage the guy you like to ask another girl out. Like really wrong with that. But as a friend, they come to you nervous, you know it is inevitable that this will happen and yet it hurts to say "its going to be alright".
Because honestly in some ways you would be happy if it didn't work out...but then that is extremely selfish. You know that you will be happy for him if the girl says yes, to see that smile spread across his face. Yet a small part will be sad that you aren't the reason for that smile.
Its funny, boys say girls don't understand what it is like to be rejected, when in all honesty we are rejected often...only its more drawn out and possibly more painful. We can't just ask and see, we have to wait, and wait, and then in a lot of situations, get rejected. Our rejection isn't direct, that is true. Rather we get rejected by not getting picked. That's just the way it works.
And well, its been a while since I've felt rejection. Then again, its been a while since I've let myself like someone who hasn't shown they liked me first...its been about 7 years? Something like that.
So those were childhood crushes, with those who barely knew I existed. This is something a little deeper and more personal, yet just as unintentional as the others were. *Sigh* Things like this happen. And well, we heal. I'll heal. And so, I say those word of encouragement, because honestly, I do want to see him happy...and if she is the girl to make him happy, then so be it. I will continue being the friend (which was going to happen either way), and I will try to calm his fears. Because honestly, why wouldn't she date him?

Well, there it is.

Lord, I pray that You teach me to run to Your arms with these feelings of rejection. I pray that You remind me that You are full of love, You do not turn me away, You call me beloved, wanted...You smile at me, delight over me. Your love is more than enough. Teach me satisfaction in You. I love You, Lord, grow that love.
With love, to Love, amen.