Finals week

Its finals week and I am restless. Unable to sit down and study.

What is worse though, is my overall lack of desire to read the Word. Life giving Words that are readily available.
Why am I running from them?
I need to confess my sins to my Father in heaven, and yet I am afraid to approach His throne.
Its so silly how I try to run/hide from a God who is everywhere....who dwells inside of me. Why is He willing to stay in such a filthy home? Its beyond me the vastness of His love.
I know these words to be true, yet I have lost all feeling towards them.
It is completely wrong to here all the truths about my God, Savior, King...and not be affected by it.
My heart is a stone...it will cause me to sink to the bottom of the ocean.
Only He can't melt it, but why am I not letting Him.
I feel myself gasping for air, choking on the things around me...yet I do not reach out to oxygen?

Why am I running from You, Lord? I need You. My head abundantly knows that I need You, as does my heart...yet it does not understand. Lord make it understand. Please. Change anything in my life to bring me back to You, closer to You. Do what You have to Lord. For I need You more than anything else. I recognize this truth. I hold to it. I hope in it. Regardless of whether I feel it or not. I know this is the Truth. That You are the TRUTH, the LIFE, LOVE, HOPE, PEACE and JOY.
With the tiny bit of love I have through Your grace, to Love. Amen