Why are there temptation and trials?

If there was never temptation, where would obedience be?
If there were only things in which our physical bodies needed, we would readily do them for there it would only make sense to do so.

The tree of the knowledge of good and evil was so that Adam and Eve would obey God for the sake of obedience. God could have made it to where there was no forbidden tree, but then how would their obedience (or disobedience) ever be shown? If they had no way to disobey, would they actually be obeying or simply just doing?

These are some questions I have been thinking about a lot lately.

In James it says to consider ever trial a pure joy, because in it we grow and become mature. We learn how to obey through trials (either that or the consequences for disobedience). For this reason we are to consider it joy! For in obeying we love God. It is through obedience that we learn more about God, how to truly love and receive love.

Obedience starts in the little things of life. Daily interactions. Typical conversations. Thoughts. Any small things God is convicting you (me) about. To learn how to obey in the seemingly "unimportant" things, we train ourselves to be obedient in the bigger decision this life throws at us.
Practicing obedience is an exercise of the will. Just like a muscle you cannot expect to never lift weights and then be able to lift 200 lbs. It takes time, patience, and practice to be able to work up to that point/skill level. It is the same with obedience. We must give over all the little things in this life to God, that we will be ready to give over the larger things when they come to us.


Dear Lord, help me to give over all of the things in this life to You. To be obedient to Your calling in every aspect of my life. In sorrows. Burdens. Joys. Blessings. In everything. In You alone can joy be found. In You alone is life.
Help me to be obedient and steadfast to the calling I have receive. To love You. To love others. To bring glory to You name in both the "small" and vastly important things of this life. To look on trials with joy, seeing them as a chance to obey You and show my love. To look on blessings as the great and wonderful treasure they are. To make You my treasure, my goal, my life, my all. For where my treasure is there my heart is. Be my treasure.
With love, to Love. Amen

Bible study numero uno

So, we had our first bible study tonight. It is called Essentials. And it is simply that, exploring the essentials of the Christian faith.

Well, so God is amazing. He continually goes above and beyond my expectations. Why do I try to limit Him? Its such a silly thing.
So many people came that there was not even enough room for chairs (one person ended up sitting on the floor).
The discussion was good. No it was great! People were so open and willing to discuss, wanting to talk about God. To hear what others had to say. To dive into what it means when we say God and realize that though we can never fully comprehend all of God, we can get to know Him better by exploring some of His characteristics. His goodness, justice, righteousness, that He is omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent, and soo very much more.
And then we sang worship songs afterwords til about 11 o'clock, when it became a just singing time.

It was really good, I am excited for what God has in store for us in the future. He has blessed me with my wonderful sister, who basically lead the study for us (since I am still trying to figure it out. I couldn't be more thankful!)

I even learned two cords on the guitar. I truly hope that I will be able to learn how to play at least a little bit this summer. And the piano!
I feel like there is so much I want to do this summer, and its simply too short. But its ok, I'll get done what I need to get done (after all God is the controller of time, if I don't get something done either I didn't need to do it, or I need to learn to use my time more wisely).
I have wonderful friends. Thank Lord for them! Thank You! Thank You! That they desire to talk about You, and push me to do the same.

Ah so many questions to someone that I cannot ask. You are merciful in that as well. Thank You for giving me guidance and self control. There is no way I could refrain simply on my own. And in due time I will know what I need to and won't what would not be helpful for me to know. You, Lord Jesus, are in control of that. You have time, knowledge, power, and love in Your hands. As long as I cling to You, follow You, worship and desire You above all else, the things of this world will work out the way You designed.

Lord, help me to realize Your plan is best, Your timing is best, You have a great plan for me. I will follow You Lord. I will trust You Lord. You alone are worthy of all glory! From You come blessing, honor, strength and power. Thank You creator for the blessings in my life.
You are good my dear savior and friend, all the time You are good.
With love, to Love. Amen.

Honestly.

I've felt like I should write this, but haven't wanted to. Its something I have been struggling a lot with, this last year, but especially this last week.

I don't want to sound self-pitying, yet I am afraid that will be the way it comes across. I am not saying this hoping someone will refute it, but because it is what is on my heart.

I have felt inadequate lately.
How ironic after reading my sister's latest blog about this very issue.
And I truly do know He is enough, more than enough.
So loving, kind, generous, healing is my heavenly father!

And so I am trying to understand where these feelings are coming from.
To figure out how to rejoice in the gifts He has given to others, without becoming envious of them.

It is not that I wish they did not have those gifts, I am so glad they have them! And they use them for the glory of the father.
It just saddens me that I do not know how to participate in that way.
So many of my wonderful, loving, God-fearing, God-honoring friends are so musically talented. They either have amazing instrumental skills, great voices, or both. And I simply do not fit that category at all. Although my voice is not terrible, it also, in all honesty, is not very good.
I so desire to join in when they start to play, but find myself on the sidelines.
Please if any of you are reading this, continue to play around me! I enjoy your music immensely and don't want you to feel awkward around me for having written this.

I desire to have a gift that I can share. Join in with other people and do.
I know I have heard people say I am good with kids and babies, and I know that helps people other than just me, but its not really something you can do in a group.

I'm not really sure how to put into words what I have been struggling with.

I guess its realizing that I don't really have a place where I fit in.
At school, I do not fit in with the Corps guys that my former roommate hangs out with all the time. I do not understand the military. I don't feel like I fit in here either, since I have no real musical abilities.
People have said, well you are athletic and you like sports so you fit in that way. But as I get older, it honestly gets more difficult to find people to play with. Most guys want to play with other guys, and girls, there are fewer who really want to play (I think some of my guy friends who still include me, you have no idea how much it means to me!).

This is rambling and really has no direction. I just feel really crummy lately and am trying to figure out why.
I have such great friends, yet I feel like I have nothing to contribute to them. Like when they start playing, I don't know the words and make it awkward. I'm the dud.
I want to give back, to them, to God.
Yet I am left with nothing, I don't know how!

Lord I know You accept me empty handed. How gracious You are! And You have given me friend who love me regardless of what I can give, thank You. Yet I so desperately want to give to You. To find a way to love You, glorify You, alone but also with a group. To be creative LOrd!
Yet not my will, but Your will be done.
Help me to accept what You have given me, but also what You have not.
I know You are good. Your plans are good.
Help me to see that Lord!
I need Your eyes to see that.
Help me.
With love, to Love. Amen

Home again

Well here I am, home again.
And very glad to be...and yet, its not the same.

I love being with my family, and actually do not miss college station much at all (if at all). I think its that here its harder for me to go places. I can not just walk across campus and visit people. And since I don't have a car, I can't drive anywhere. Not that I mind so much, its just very different.
I enjoy getting to talk to my family, be around children again, have my own room, attend my home church. And yet there is an ache that comes with being home.
Not an ache for somewhere else, but for what used to be and is no longer.
I feel no different than how I was a year ago, which saddens me, because I think I should.
In less than a month I will be 21, a legal adult in all ways in the eyes of the law. Yet I still feel like such a child.
I do not know what I am supposed to do.
I feel lost, like I am going in circles, and these emotions, memories, feelings and attachments, that I so desperately want to be rid of, continue to cycle all the more.
How do I get him out of my head and away from my heart? I do not desire that he is there. I want God there, to fill every space of it, to clean it out. I desperately call out and pray to You, Lord, heal, fix, mend, remove, burn away, restore me!

Why will they not pass or fade? I think they are gone only for another wave to sweep over me. I feel like I am drowning sometimes.

Yet, the Lord is merciful. He gives me life lines, family, good friends, and most importantly Himself.

Lord,
Help me please, to every day focus on You and what You would have of me.
Take away what needs to be taken, and fill me with You instead.
Thank You for Your mercy and love.
I need You and love You, though I am often bad at showing it.
With love, to true Love.
Amen

Away from the abscene of light

What is it about the dark that scares me?
It is not the darkness itself, but rather what is in the dark...or rather what is not in the dark.

Dark is the absence of light.

I need light, I desire light.

Sunlight is what allows plants to grow, without it they die. Light allows us to see colors. Light allows us to see. Light shows us the way out of the dark.

I need light to be in me. I do not merely mean physical light. But light that comes from the ultimate source, not the sun, but the Son.
Jesus calls Himself the light. He directs our paths to those of righteousness.
Christ has drawn us our of the darkness to Himself. In Him is salvation, the forgiveness of sins.
We are called to be lights of the world. To shine bright for God's glory. To shine lights into the darkness of others. We can't do that while remaining in the dark.
We often like to stay in the dark, sitting there watching so bright flashy distraction, which we can see better in the dark. It looks appealing when we are in the dark, no one can see us. They don't know what we are doing while we are all in the dark. We would rather be distracted by the "flashy" things are this world that will pass away, than step into the everlasting light. The bright glorious light that outshines any form of amusement we try to distract ourselves with.
When we step into the light we can see what was happening in the dark, which will make us desire to stay in the light. I am more easily tempted to do wrong in the dark, actual dark, than I am in the light. The dark hides the ugly for a time, but it is still there. The light displays the ugly for what it is, so that we can change it, give it to God, be renewed, and see the beauty around us. In the dark you can't see. You are blind, except for the distractions satan wants you to see. In the light, by God's grace, you can see. Your eyes are open, not only to the destruction, hurt, ugliness that takes place in the dark, but to the true beauty of what God has made, has in store for us, to renewal, glory, wonder. Everything will be brought to light in the end. The longer we stay in the dark, the longer we ignore the light, the harsher it will be when we are brought out.
As God is graciously pulling me out of the dark, I don't want to go back. He reaches for us in the dark, pulls us out. Being in the light is hard, for a time. It hurts my eyes to adjust. To really see that what I was doing in the dark was not only wrong, but excruciatingly painful to my Lord, to the point of causing His death.
In dark is death. In light is light.
Christ is light.

Dear Lord, help me to live and walk in the light. Help me to stay way from the dark, from death, destruction, sin. I need Your help to stay in the light, You are the light. Help me stay near to You.
With love, to Love. Amen



Psalm 36:9
"For with You is the fountain of life: In Your light we see light."

Proverbs 4:18
"But the path of the just is like the shinning sun, that shines ever brighter unto the perfect day."

Isaiah 9:2
"The people who sat in darkness have seen a great light, and upon those who sat in the region and shadow of death Light has dawned"

Matthew 5:14-15
"You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.

Matthew 10:27
"Whatever I tell you in the dark, speak in the light;"

Mark 4:22
"For there is nothing hidden which will not be revealed, nor has anything been kept secret but that it should come to light"

John 1:4-5
"In him was life, and the life was the light of men. And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it."

John 3:19-21
"And this is the condemnation, that the light has come into the world and men loved darkness rather than light because their deeds were evil. For everyone practicing evil hates the light and does not come to the light, lest his deeds should be exposed. But he who does the truth comes to the light, that his deeds may be clearly seen, that they have been done in God"

John 8:12
"I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life."

John 9:39, 41
"For judgment I have come into this world, that those who do not see may see, and that those who see may be made blind... If you were blind you would have no sin; but now you say 'we see'. Therefore your sin remains"

John 12: 35-36
"Then Jesus said to them 'A little while longer the light is with you. Walk while you have the light, lest darkness overtake you; he who walks in darkness does not know where he is going. While you have the light, believe in the light, that you may become sons of light"

John 14:6
"Jesus said to him 'I am the way the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me."

John 14:15
"The Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither see Him nor knows Him; but you know Him for He dwells with you and will be in you."


Romans 1:20-21
"For since the beginning of the world His invisible attributes are clearly seen, being understood by the thing that are made, even His eternal power and Godhead, so that they are without excuse, because although they knew God, they did not glorify Him as Gog, nor were thankful, but became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish hearts were darkened."

Ephesians 5:8-14
" For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light (for the fruit of the Spirit is in all goodness, righteousness, and truth), finding out what is acceptable to the Lord. And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to speak of those things which are done by them in secret. But all things that are exposed are made manifest by the light, for whatever makes manifest is light.Therefore He says “Awake, you who sleep, Arise from the dead, And Christ will give you light.”


Colossians 1:13-14
"He has delivered us from the power of darkness and conveyed us into the kingdom of the Son of His love, in whom we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins"

Hebrews 4:13
"An there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account"

1 John 1:5
"This is the message which we have heard from Him and declare to you, that God is light an din Him is no darkness at all."



Interesting fact I learned: our eyes naturally respond faster when moving from darkness into the light than the other way around.
Hmmm.
"The eye takes approximately 20–30 minutes to fully adapt from bright sunlight to complete darkness and become ten thousand to one million times more sensitive than at full daylight. In this process, the eye's perception of color changes as well. However, it takes approximately five minutes for the eye to adapt to bright sunlight from darkness. This is due to cones obtaining more sensitivity when first entering the dark for the first five minutes but the rods take over after five or more minutes"

Hopeless Case- Varnadore

So, I recognize you're amazing
I've known it since the day we met
Oh beautiful, you are my darling
But lately you can't stand yourself

Cause you've been hurt by the world
It's such a painful place to be
Oh but I still see beauty
So darling, don't you fear
I know you're not a hopeless case
And you were meant for more
This is a temporary stay
Don't believe you've gone to far
I'll love you just the same
So please don't run away

So, you're feeling pretty lonely
You are not who you thought you'd be
Well everybody needs forgiveness
Even sometimes from themselves

When you're hurt by the world
Such a painful place to be
Oh but I still see beauty
So darling, don't you fear
I know you're not a hopeless case
And you were meant for more
This is a temporary stay
And don't believe you've gone to far
I'll love you just the same
So please don't run away

You've been scared to face yourself at night
Telling everyone that you're just fine
Tell me what's the use in life if you can't be free

So darling, don't you fear
I know you're not a hopeless case
And you were meant for more
This is a temporary stay
And don't believe you've gone to far
I'll love you just the same
So please don't run away

I'm addicted to...

.. easy/quick fixes.

Examples:
instead of making a sandwich, or rather actually going upstairs and really cooking something, I will instead heat up a thing of soup and eat it with crackers.

I feel alone, so instead of praying and reading my bible, searching for Him...I text someone, get on facebook, etc.

I get tired, so I try to take a quick nap (which usually lasts way long than intended) instead of pushing through and going to sleep earlier at night.


Anyone have suggestions for me about how to specifically overcome this addiction? Verses I can memorize, reminders I can put up?

If you do, it'd be greatly appreciated.

Lord, help me to seek out what is truly good, not what is simply easy.
Through You I can do all things, help this to be true in my life.
with love, to Love. Amen