I've still been going through a lot of hurt lately, asking myself useless questions because its not as if you can change the past, but still the questions come.
Was it worth it?
Would I change anything?
Would it have been better never to have known you?
And I think I'm finally realizing answers to those questions, or at least some of them.
Was it worth it:
Yes. Although my heart is still torn, I would not change loving you. I also wouldn't have experienced the deep peace of Christ. God has definitely been carrying me these last few months, in the form of friends, family, His word-both read and spoken into my life. God is healing me, although it is taking a while, partly because of my stubbornness, He is healing my heart.
Are there some things I wish I could change? Yes, just as much for your sake as mine. I regret somethings because they were not good for either of us. And for that I am sorry. But I am not sorry for learning to love you, just sometimes the way I wrongly expressed it.
Would it have been better never to have known you:
NO. A solid no. I would not give up your friendship even if it meant the pain would never have been there. You meant and mean too much to me. I would not give up our memories, I cherish them. I loved seeing God grow in your life, I know you don't feel like it was all that much, but I saw Him change you from the inside out, and I see Him at work in your life. I love you, I wanted you in my life. I know things didn't work out the way we wanted, but I still don't want to give you up. Its what I was afraid of at the beginning, why I tried to push you away initially. But no, it would not have been better to never have known you. I'm glad I know you, and knew you, and that we were really good friends...though I'm not sure what we are anymore.
I'm sorry for having somehow pushed you away, or for some reason not being able to be in your life. I miss you, though I hope you never read this, since I know it would probably only hurt you. So here I am again venting into something I hope only a few (very few) if any ever read.
Just so you know, my first memory of you is us and another person laughing so hard that it hurt and we could no longer stand. I miss those kind of memories.
Take care, go with God, I love you.
Friday, March 26, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
Blessed
I am so blessed and yet I am also very blind to it most the time.
God has given me a huge family full of God-fearing, loving, caring, intelligent people.
Let me just start with my parents:
My mom- She is so patient with us. She loves us and cares for us. Even though it get really expensive she goes out of her way to buy healthy (organic if possible) food for us. She cooks huge meals and devotes her time to her kids well being. Rarely does she take a break for herself, she is constantly on the move for others. For as long as I can remember my dad and us kids where always put before her. But beyond all this, God is her number one. Yep God goes before my dad, He goes before my siblings, He goes before me. I am so thankful for this!
I know most people are thinking: what? Before her own kids and husband?
My answer is, umm yeah. My mom realizes that the One who gives her the strength to go on day after day, the One who taught her patience, the One who continually teaches her love, is the One to be put first, and she does so. Mom thank you for teaching me where true wise priorities should be, by constantly making God number one in your life.
Dad- Feeding 9 kids on a high school teacher salary is not an easy thing to do, but somehow this man manages to do it, as well as provide a secure and loving home. He is very wise and has great advice if you actually listen to it. I've found in my life whenever I've asked my dad for advice, and then not listened to it, it has always ended very badly for me. He does not "rule with an iron fist" but rather does everything out of love and tries to lead by example. Were we kids punished/are punished? Yes. If we disobey there are consequences. I've had my share of spankings/groundings/timeouts/things being taken away/etc. But I deserved it, and more importantly I learned the value of following rules. There are rules in life, some more important than others, and my dad, I believe, taught me the importance of obeying rules either set forth by God or by those in authority over me. My dad also has God as his number one. I can't remember the last time I've asked for advice that my dad's advice didn't include something about prayer or scripture or (most often) both. Dad turns to the Father in Heaven in order to be a good dad to his children.
Dad thank you so much for your love, advice, help, guidance, and punishments when necessary. You have helped me so much in life (you and mom both) and I'm just seeing the tip of the iceberg, thank you so much. Words cannot express my gratitude.
Now for my siblings:
Joel - Your desire to learn more is truly inspiring to me. I think your love of books rubbed off on me and I thank you for that immensely. Also thank you for showing me how trusting God was all aspects of your life truly is what we are called to do. Your willingness to follow God half-way across the globe is so great. Also your patience on God to bring you the right person to marry is very encouraging to me. Thank you.
Melissa (sil)- I could say the same thing about your willingness to follow God. It truly is a blessing to have two people in my family strongly follow after the Lord's will, even if it leads them to a desert...literally. Also, just for all your prayers and encouragement these last few months, just for being there whenever I have needed you, thank you for that. (Also to both of you, I've so very excited about my nephew!)
Elise- You have helped me throughout the years in so many ways I won't even attempt to name them all. Thank you for writing to a scared, lost, confused little girl, and helping her grow up (at least a little bit since then). All the time you put into me, and everyone else in the family, has not gone unnoticed. I know I don't say it enough, but thank you, so very much. You have shown me how to follow God, although I still mess up all the time you've shown me His grace, both through your life and through your words. I love how you talk about God and how He speaks to you, its very encouraging to me. Thank you for being there for me, to help lead me back to God every time I want to stray. Also thank you for Selah and Alexa, even on really hard days those two can bring a smile to my face so easily. They are beautiful just like there momma.
Jason (bil)- Thanks for all the laughs, sharing music, movies or just good conversations. I love all the fish tank stuff, its given me a better appreciation for the hard work that goes into mantaining something like that. Also your love for the Lord is very evident, thank you for letting me see the transformation of God in your life, and the hope it has given me for others who I desperately want to see the Love of God. Thank you.
Jeremy- You have helped me so much this last semester, I don't know how to thank you enough. Every time I wanted to give up you would open my eyes and say look at what you need to be concetrating on. Your encouragement was not soft or gental, but strong and I was not able to avoid it or ignore it, and I truly thank you for that. Also thank you for never making me feel like I wasn't good enough. In basketball you would be the one to pass it to me, tell me to shoot, encouarage me to reach higher. In college you have seemed to do the same, you tell me to get out there, be active, search for what God has for me. In places where I have truly felt out of place, the odd man out, you have shown me that I can belong, that I do have the ability to fit in and do good things....though I'm still working on that. But thank you for your encouragement.
Amanda(sil)- You are so beautiful and kind. I'm just amazed sometimes at your kindness, to just say or do the right thing in the moment it is most needed. I know you get that from God, and your love for Him is evident. You have also been there to encourage me, whenever I have asked. I'm really looking forward to seeing my neice in a few months, I'm so happy for both of you.
Michelle- Thank you. You have shown me in your life how to diliegently seek after the Lord. I love how whenever your life gets really busy instead of putting God to the side, you shove the other stuff out of the way to make sure you spend time with Him. I've seen time after time how you get stressed to the point of breaking, and then just give it all up to Him. I have seen Him lift the burndens off your shoulders time and time again as you are willing to hand them over to Him. Thank you so much for showing that to me. And also for all the times you have prayed with me or for me. I really apprieciate it more than words can say. Plus thanks for taking time out of your super business to show your little sister around a new frightening place. I honestly don't know what I would have done without you here to help guide me, I've felt so lost and frightened and constantly you take my hand and point my face heavenward and tell me to ask Him for help, and then you also demonstate His love by helping me. Thank you for being there for me.
Stephen- Little brother, you have truly taught me a lot of patience. I don't mean that to sound mean, and I am truly grateful for it. Thank you for always being willing to stand up for me. I know you liked to poke fun at me, but I also had the reassurance that if I ever was really threatened you would be there to protect me. Thank you for showing me that things really are worth standing up for, like in school whenever you would protest unwholesome books, it is encouraging to see someone younger than me truly stand up for what they believe.
Aleya- Your art, whether in the form of picture or poems, gives me a new appreciation for things in this life. The way you say things in your poems ressiates with my heart and I thank you for that. You can express my feelings in words without even knowing it and then you look back to God. You express your heart, and then say "Lord take it". That is so encouraging to me. God truly does shine out from you, you are a part of His beauty. Thank you for not only being my sister, but also being a really good friend. Thank you for all the laughs, the tears, stories, trips, moments, songs, etc, that we have shared together. You bring joy to the people around you, and I am so glad that God blessed me with the privlidge to be one of those people.
Shannon- girl you are amazing. You are so talented, but you don't even know you it. You are humble in the things you excel at. I love your diligent work to improve your abilities, whether that be at some art form or sports, its really encouraging to see that hard work really does pay off. Your willingness to help people is so great. I love you for it (as well as other things). You constantly put others before yourself in that way, you see someone in need and you help them out. I know you think your work at home goes unnoticed, but it doesn't always. Thank you for helping mom out with chores or food or helping Elise out with the little girls. You are a blessing, and I hope you know that.
Claire- You are growing so fast, I love to see the way you that you are already maturing. I think that it is awesome that even at a young age you are willing to give things up for what you believe in. I know that not watching Disney things is sometimes hard, but I really like that you see the importance of bigger issues. You love God and I'm looking forward to seeing the ways He works in your life. Keep sharing Him with your friends, its a blessing to see you unashamed of Him and all His glory. Don't change that. Thanks for being my little sister!
Selah- You are a joy. You are so beautiful and lively. I love seeing how God creates all these personalities and sticks them in us from a young age, you truly have a strong will. You make me smile even through difficult times. You are lovely.
Alexa- Beautiful baby. I love you and am glad that I have gotten to be in your life, even though I'm not around as much as I might like. Your little toothless smile and baby chuckles brighten a room. I am thankful for you.
God, thank you for all those you have put in my life, both friends and family. God I am so blessed that I can't even take time to write out all the people who have touch my life. Thank you so much for that Lord.
God has given me a huge family full of God-fearing, loving, caring, intelligent people.
Let me just start with my parents:
My mom- She is so patient with us. She loves us and cares for us. Even though it get really expensive she goes out of her way to buy healthy (organic if possible) food for us. She cooks huge meals and devotes her time to her kids well being. Rarely does she take a break for herself, she is constantly on the move for others. For as long as I can remember my dad and us kids where always put before her. But beyond all this, God is her number one. Yep God goes before my dad, He goes before my siblings, He goes before me. I am so thankful for this!
I know most people are thinking: what? Before her own kids and husband?
My answer is, umm yeah. My mom realizes that the One who gives her the strength to go on day after day, the One who taught her patience, the One who continually teaches her love, is the One to be put first, and she does so. Mom thank you for teaching me where true wise priorities should be, by constantly making God number one in your life.
Dad- Feeding 9 kids on a high school teacher salary is not an easy thing to do, but somehow this man manages to do it, as well as provide a secure and loving home. He is very wise and has great advice if you actually listen to it. I've found in my life whenever I've asked my dad for advice, and then not listened to it, it has always ended very badly for me. He does not "rule with an iron fist" but rather does everything out of love and tries to lead by example. Were we kids punished/are punished? Yes. If we disobey there are consequences. I've had my share of spankings/groundings/timeouts/things being taken away/etc. But I deserved it, and more importantly I learned the value of following rules. There are rules in life, some more important than others, and my dad, I believe, taught me the importance of obeying rules either set forth by God or by those in authority over me. My dad also has God as his number one. I can't remember the last time I've asked for advice that my dad's advice didn't include something about prayer or scripture or (most often) both. Dad turns to the Father in Heaven in order to be a good dad to his children.
Dad thank you so much for your love, advice, help, guidance, and punishments when necessary. You have helped me so much in life (you and mom both) and I'm just seeing the tip of the iceberg, thank you so much. Words cannot express my gratitude.
Now for my siblings:
Joel - Your desire to learn more is truly inspiring to me. I think your love of books rubbed off on me and I thank you for that immensely. Also thank you for showing me how trusting God was all aspects of your life truly is what we are called to do. Your willingness to follow God half-way across the globe is so great. Also your patience on God to bring you the right person to marry is very encouraging to me. Thank you.
Melissa (sil)- I could say the same thing about your willingness to follow God. It truly is a blessing to have two people in my family strongly follow after the Lord's will, even if it leads them to a desert...literally. Also, just for all your prayers and encouragement these last few months, just for being there whenever I have needed you, thank you for that. (Also to both of you, I've so very excited about my nephew!)
Elise- You have helped me throughout the years in so many ways I won't even attempt to name them all. Thank you for writing to a scared, lost, confused little girl, and helping her grow up (at least a little bit since then). All the time you put into me, and everyone else in the family, has not gone unnoticed. I know I don't say it enough, but thank you, so very much. You have shown me how to follow God, although I still mess up all the time you've shown me His grace, both through your life and through your words. I love how you talk about God and how He speaks to you, its very encouraging to me. Thank you for being there for me, to help lead me back to God every time I want to stray. Also thank you for Selah and Alexa, even on really hard days those two can bring a smile to my face so easily. They are beautiful just like there momma.
Jason (bil)- Thanks for all the laughs, sharing music, movies or just good conversations. I love all the fish tank stuff, its given me a better appreciation for the hard work that goes into mantaining something like that. Also your love for the Lord is very evident, thank you for letting me see the transformation of God in your life, and the hope it has given me for others who I desperately want to see the Love of God. Thank you.
Jeremy- You have helped me so much this last semester, I don't know how to thank you enough. Every time I wanted to give up you would open my eyes and say look at what you need to be concetrating on. Your encouragement was not soft or gental, but strong and I was not able to avoid it or ignore it, and I truly thank you for that. Also thank you for never making me feel like I wasn't good enough. In basketball you would be the one to pass it to me, tell me to shoot, encouarage me to reach higher. In college you have seemed to do the same, you tell me to get out there, be active, search for what God has for me. In places where I have truly felt out of place, the odd man out, you have shown me that I can belong, that I do have the ability to fit in and do good things....though I'm still working on that. But thank you for your encouragement.
Amanda(sil)- You are so beautiful and kind. I'm just amazed sometimes at your kindness, to just say or do the right thing in the moment it is most needed. I know you get that from God, and your love for Him is evident. You have also been there to encourage me, whenever I have asked. I'm really looking forward to seeing my neice in a few months, I'm so happy for both of you.
Michelle- Thank you. You have shown me in your life how to diliegently seek after the Lord. I love how whenever your life gets really busy instead of putting God to the side, you shove the other stuff out of the way to make sure you spend time with Him. I've seen time after time how you get stressed to the point of breaking, and then just give it all up to Him. I have seen Him lift the burndens off your shoulders time and time again as you are willing to hand them over to Him. Thank you so much for showing that to me. And also for all the times you have prayed with me or for me. I really apprieciate it more than words can say. Plus thanks for taking time out of your super business to show your little sister around a new frightening place. I honestly don't know what I would have done without you here to help guide me, I've felt so lost and frightened and constantly you take my hand and point my face heavenward and tell me to ask Him for help, and then you also demonstate His love by helping me. Thank you for being there for me.
Stephen- Little brother, you have truly taught me a lot of patience. I don't mean that to sound mean, and I am truly grateful for it. Thank you for always being willing to stand up for me. I know you liked to poke fun at me, but I also had the reassurance that if I ever was really threatened you would be there to protect me. Thank you for showing me that things really are worth standing up for, like in school whenever you would protest unwholesome books, it is encouraging to see someone younger than me truly stand up for what they believe.
Aleya- Your art, whether in the form of picture or poems, gives me a new appreciation for things in this life. The way you say things in your poems ressiates with my heart and I thank you for that. You can express my feelings in words without even knowing it and then you look back to God. You express your heart, and then say "Lord take it". That is so encouraging to me. God truly does shine out from you, you are a part of His beauty. Thank you for not only being my sister, but also being a really good friend. Thank you for all the laughs, the tears, stories, trips, moments, songs, etc, that we have shared together. You bring joy to the people around you, and I am so glad that God blessed me with the privlidge to be one of those people.
Shannon- girl you are amazing. You are so talented, but you don't even know you it. You are humble in the things you excel at. I love your diligent work to improve your abilities, whether that be at some art form or sports, its really encouraging to see that hard work really does pay off. Your willingness to help people is so great. I love you for it (as well as other things). You constantly put others before yourself in that way, you see someone in need and you help them out. I know you think your work at home goes unnoticed, but it doesn't always. Thank you for helping mom out with chores or food or helping Elise out with the little girls. You are a blessing, and I hope you know that.
Claire- You are growing so fast, I love to see the way you that you are already maturing. I think that it is awesome that even at a young age you are willing to give things up for what you believe in. I know that not watching Disney things is sometimes hard, but I really like that you see the importance of bigger issues. You love God and I'm looking forward to seeing the ways He works in your life. Keep sharing Him with your friends, its a blessing to see you unashamed of Him and all His glory. Don't change that. Thanks for being my little sister!
Selah- You are a joy. You are so beautiful and lively. I love seeing how God creates all these personalities and sticks them in us from a young age, you truly have a strong will. You make me smile even through difficult times. You are lovely.
Alexa- Beautiful baby. I love you and am glad that I have gotten to be in your life, even though I'm not around as much as I might like. Your little toothless smile and baby chuckles brighten a room. I am thankful for you.
God, thank you for all those you have put in my life, both friends and family. God I am so blessed that I can't even take time to write out all the people who have touch my life. Thank you so much for that Lord.
Monday, March 1, 2010
At a loss
I should be studying right now, but I can't seem to focus.
What is going on. I need to write a paper as well.
All this stuff is crashing down on me.
I am ecstatic one minute for a friend of mine who is finding his way to Christ.
Than the next I'm back down on the ground feeling crushed by these stupid feelings that won't go away.
God is answering my prayers in real tangible ways...
and then I am feeling all alone.
I don't get it. Those two things are opposites.
Why can't I trust Him, I know He is real and true and wants what is best for me. So why am I not trusting?
Why do these tears come so often. I want them to stop. I don't want to cry anymore about this.
I just don't know what to do.
I want to stop hurting, but not stop feeling. How?
I am so happy some days, so full of real joy.
and then a day like this? Nothing extraordinary sets it off, it just comes, it overwhelms.
What to do?
I don't know.
What is going on. I need to write a paper as well.
All this stuff is crashing down on me.
I am ecstatic one minute for a friend of mine who is finding his way to Christ.
Than the next I'm back down on the ground feeling crushed by these stupid feelings that won't go away.
God is answering my prayers in real tangible ways...
and then I am feeling all alone.
I don't get it. Those two things are opposites.
Why can't I trust Him, I know He is real and true and wants what is best for me. So why am I not trusting?
Why do these tears come so often. I want them to stop. I don't want to cry anymore about this.
I just don't know what to do.
I want to stop hurting, but not stop feeling. How?
I am so happy some days, so full of real joy.
and then a day like this? Nothing extraordinary sets it off, it just comes, it overwhelms.
What to do?
I don't know.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Heart of lies.
Heart of mine, why do you keep speaking lies into my life. Why do I not shut you up? How can I?
Please stop saying these things, I cannot bear them, you know my greatest weakness and continue to exploit it. Please give me a break. I will not listen to your lies. I turn from you. I turn my face to Truth.
Lord helps me listen to You over the commotion of my heart. It speaks to me in a language unclear and yet powerfully painful. Help me to hear and trust in Your simple truth. Your love and Peace, Grace and Mercy. Help me to listen to You Lord, turn my face, ears, and eyes to You.
I do not know the full source of this current pain, it keeps coming back in waves. This sea is drowning me...so I will stand on the firm rock of my Lord. He is my sustainer. He will help me stand.
Where do these tears come from? Why are they so persistent down my face?
Please replace my sorrow with laughter as You turn my ear to the truth. I am supposed to find joy even in suffering. Be that joy oh Lord, in my life.
Keep this pain at bay...no, Lord take this pain away....unless it is somehow for Your glory and then help me to rejoice in You always, at all times, in all things.
Help me Lord.
Please stop saying these things, I cannot bear them, you know my greatest weakness and continue to exploit it. Please give me a break. I will not listen to your lies. I turn from you. I turn my face to Truth.
Lord helps me listen to You over the commotion of my heart. It speaks to me in a language unclear and yet powerfully painful. Help me to hear and trust in Your simple truth. Your love and Peace, Grace and Mercy. Help me to listen to You Lord, turn my face, ears, and eyes to You.
I do not know the full source of this current pain, it keeps coming back in waves. This sea is drowning me...so I will stand on the firm rock of my Lord. He is my sustainer. He will help me stand.
Where do these tears come from? Why are they so persistent down my face?
Please replace my sorrow with laughter as You turn my ear to the truth. I am supposed to find joy even in suffering. Be that joy oh Lord, in my life.
Keep this pain at bay...no, Lord take this pain away....unless it is somehow for Your glory and then help me to rejoice in You always, at all times, in all things.
Help me Lord.
Friday, February 19, 2010
A list of Thanfulness
Every morning I'm going to try to think of five things that I am grateful for:
1. Blankets
2. Alarms
3. Bobby pins
4. Fan/white noise
5. My roommate (its her birthday, and she and I get along well...I've heard horror stories from other people, so i'm really thankful for her)
6. Beds
7. Clean water
8. Chocolate
9. Flowers
10. Not being late to class even when I wake up late.
11. Sleeping in on Saturdays
12. Inside jokes between friends.
13. A simple kind word
14. The funny things Selah says
15. Ice cream
16. Freedom to praise the Lord.
17. That my sister goes to the same college as me.
18. My older sister Elise! (today is her birthday)
19. Being able to open up to others without fear of being looked down on
20. Ability to walk.
21. Feeling safe
22. Peace
23. Long conversations with good friends
24. Mexican food
25. Jackets
1. Blankets
2. Alarms
3. Bobby pins
4. Fan/white noise
5. My roommate (its her birthday, and she and I get along well...I've heard horror stories from other people, so i'm really thankful for her)
6. Beds
7. Clean water
8. Chocolate
9. Flowers
10. Not being late to class even when I wake up late.
11. Sleeping in on Saturdays
12. Inside jokes between friends.
13. A simple kind word
14. The funny things Selah says
15. Ice cream
16. Freedom to praise the Lord.
17. That my sister goes to the same college as me.
18. My older sister Elise! (today is her birthday)
19. Being able to open up to others without fear of being looked down on
20. Ability to walk.
21. Feeling safe
22. Peace
23. Long conversations with good friends
24. Mexican food
25. Jackets
26.Snow in texas
27. Grace and mercy
28. Time to relax
29. My niece Alexa, who is so fat and cute!
30. My sister Aleya and her beautiful poetry.
31. Gloves
32. Babies' Laughter
33. Backpacks
34. Laptops
35. warm socks
36. Sunshine
37. little acts of kindness that make a big difference
38. sweatpants
39. the feeling of springtime
40. Hope
41. Spoons (a frozen yogurt place that's really good)
42. Moments of joy through difficult times
43. That's its the Holy Spirit who draws people to Himself, and our job is just to follow Him
44. Bibles/the written word of God/that I am able to read it
45. Two hands, with all 10 fingers.
46. Sleepovers with my little sister
47. Brownies late at night
48. Watching movies with friends
49. Afternoon naps
50. Durable shoes.
51. Church
52. Love
53. God speaking to a really close friend of mine.
54. God's faithfulness
55. Electricity
56. God's never ending love for His children
57. Naps in general
58. Not needing glasses
59. ability to read and write
60. Worships songs
61.The internet
62. notebooks/paper
63. Letters from my sister
64. Ipods/music
65. Hearts
66. People bringing you orange juice when you are sick
67. Prayers
68. Hot showers
69. Childhood memories
70. Good friends who last.
71. Beautiful weather
72. Vitamin C
73. People who sing loudly just because they are having fun
74. Crackers and soup
75. Being able to hold tight to the ones I love.
76. A full night of sleep
77. Washers and Dryers
78. Puppies
79. Megan! and her willingness to help me be more thankful =)
80. That there is only 1 week until spring break.
81. Ultimate Frisbee with friends
82. Aleo vera
83. double stuffed oreos
84. random conversations
85. goofy friends
86. Breakfast
87. Little Rascals
88. That the Bible is reliable and one of God's ways of speaking to us
89. Friends who come to visit
90. The ability to love
91. Air, the ability to breathe without a machine
92. Time, that it is all in God's hands
93. Pajama pants
94. Hope and Assurance in the Lord.
95. C.S. Lewis
96. My mom
97. That my phone can withstand being dropped numerous times
98. That my sister has a car/way to get to the store when I'm out of food
99. Forgiveness
100. Pictures
101. Encouragement from friends and family
102. Being able to be there for people because God has been there for me
103. Headphones to block out unnecessary noise
104. Bread
105. being sent random pictures of my nieces.
106. That I have a niece and a nephew on the way.
107. Long conversations with really good friends
108. Seeing God works in the lives around me
109. Knowing there is a future for me, even though I have no idea what it is
110. Energy when there is no reasonable explanation why I should still have some. =)
111. Eating Gummy bears with friends
112. My friend Victor
113. Having a bible study group with girls who actually care
114. Scissors
115. That spring break has officially begun.
116. Relaxation
117. Beautiful Beaches
118. Dinoflagellate
119. Clear Water
120. Being out of the car after 10 hours car rides.
121. Time to relax without interruption
122. Sleeping in/catching up on sleep
123. Being with family
124. Singing loudly random songs that pop in your head with good friends
125. Bible studies and learning what God is doing in other's lives.
126. Cars
127. Talking with my older brothers
128. My grandma
129. Alexa sucking on her bottom lip...its so funny looking
130. Hope, I can't seem to do without it even if I don't always feel it.
131.Wind and sunshine
132.colorful umbrellas
133.that my ipod is working again
134. the dimple on alexa's face when she smiles really big
135. that we are never alone.
136. PB&J with milk
137. Chapstick
138. Notebooks/journals
139. Breakaway
140. My sister Shannon
141. Each day starts new
142. Good Raw Milk
143. That my ipod started working again
144. Next year I get to live in a dorm with a kitchen
145. That my Global Social Trends class is canceled tomorrow.
146. Good books
147. My colorful umbrella
148. Long-sleeved shirts
149. Cashews and crackers
150. My best friend, and developing other friendships.
151. My two sisters in law, Amanda and Melissa
152. Running/exercising
153. Anne
154. Isis
155. Belts
156. Playing sports with friends
157. Weekends
158.My cousin Carli
159. That God never gives up on us.
160. Flip Flops.
216. Tennis shoes
217. Socks
218. My oldest brother Joel
219. oranges
220. Phone Chargers.
221. Sunshine
222. Big white fluffy clouds
223. the people who work to keep the A&M campus so pretty
224. Varnadore
225. The location of the Earth in regards to the sun.
226. Shade
227. The sun
228. Tomato Soup
229. Playing Basketball with guys who actually pass you the ball
230. tweezers.
231. The song "On Christ the Solid Rock I stand"
232. Worship songs in general
233. Candy on sale
234. Hanging out with friends
235. Making homemade pizza.
236. Shannon's patience while working on her drawings
237. Being down with my tests for today
238. That the end of the school year is near, I think only about 30 days left
239. People who point me back to God
240. Earrings
241. Michelle's willingness to help me with schoolwork
242. Calculators
243. Apples
244. BBQ sauce
245. Parents who are always there for me
246. Chicken
247. getting out of class early
248. rides to get books I need for class
249. a semi-clean room (as clean as I can get in the the space that I have, haha)
250. Conditioner
251. Breakaway ministries
252. That I haven't had to go through physical endangerment that a lot of people in other counties face.
253. My mom and her comforting words
254. Breathing
255. Green and blue
256. Weekends
257. Friends in general
258. Family
259. Jane Austin
260. Mirrors
261. Sound of rain
262. Birds chirping
263. Amanda's baby shower
264. Talks with the girls in my family
265. swings
266. Throat drops
267. older brothers
268. Alexa's chubbiness
269. water bottles
270. only 3 more weeks of classes.
271. Turkey Sandwiches
272. My mom always being there for me
273. "Naked" juice drinks (they are really good)
274. Sunshine!
275. Extra sleep, and getting well.
276. Pencils
277. That I do not have a chronic or serious illness (That I am healthy)
278. Songs of praise
279. My rag doll that my grandmother made me when I was little
280. Soap
281. My white flats
282. patched jeans
283. that my phone still works, even though its partly broken
284. Pizza
285. Pineapple
286. Random sayings of little kids
287. People in my class group who are actually willing to work on the project.
288. That my mom can fix almost anything
289. That my dad is good at math and can (possibly) help me over the summer with my classes, haha
290. Sharpies
291. Sleeping late
292.Salads
293. Cherry Tomatoes
294. That its getting warm outside!
295. Being able to communicate with people quick and easily (either via facebook, cellphone, etc)
296. Boxes/containers
297. Cutlery
298. Concealer
299. A ride home at the end of the school year
300. Pandora radio.
301. Scissors
302. Rulers
303. Planners
304. Spanish Dictionaries
305. Beautiful weather.
306. Pancakes
307. Hanging out with michelle
308. Burritos
309. Avocados
310.That I got out of English class early today. =)
311. Stephen
312. Only a week left of regular classes
313. Lotion
314. Sunglasses
315. piggy banks.
316.That Eva Grace is on her way
317. My sister keeps me updated
318. My brother Jeremy
319. Email
320. pass/fail classes
321. My SIL (sister in law) Amanda, and that you got through the labor ok.
322. God's protection
323. Baby Eva Grace!
324. Jeremy being a proud new dad.
325. My parents, especially my mom giving life to me. =) (and well God of course for that too)
326. raisins
327. stud earrings
328.sticky notes
329. one of my classes being canceled next tuesday.
330. A place to go home to.
331. Almost a week to study for finals
332. Review sheets
333. computers and printers
334. that I don't live during ww2 ww1 or the cold war.
335. Skirts (and that I'm a girl and can therefor wear them without getting weird looks, haha)
336. That my team project is going well
337. Limes
338. Dental floss
339. God's forgiveness
340. Song's of praise and worship. Specifically the song "In the Secret"
341. Open washers and dryers (not having to wait)
342. getting a whole night of sleep
343. that I only have one regular class left in the semester
344. Getting to go see my niece today
345. Towels and rags.
346. Being home for a few days
347. Beautiful trees
348. Eva Grace, and how funny it is that she looks almost exactly like Jeremy's baby pictures
349. A place to write out my thoughts
350. A tiny bit of time to relax a bit before finals
351. My mom's help
352. Time to study
353. only for tests/finals to go until I am done with my freshman year
354. Hope for this summer
355. Pictures of my nieces.
356. Two finals down, and just two to go
357. Studying with my sister.
358. The feeling of packing up to go home
359. Throwing away old notes
360. Fun times laughing with friends.
361. That I only have one more final until I am done with my freshman year
362. Friends who can drive me home
363. Naps after 8 am finals
364. Waking up and immediately thinking of a worship song instead of what I have to do that day
365. Jackets in the summer...for when you walk into buildings that are set to what feels like 50 or 60 degrees.
366. Being done with finals!
367. that my last final took only 18 minutes
368. being almost completely packed
369. Getting to go home to see my family
370. God's love and it being manifested through family and friends.
371. Love
372. Hope in the face of some difficult times
373. Being with family
374. Sleep, after a few sleepless nights
375. Trees, and the shade they provide.
376. Being able to go to Michelle's graduation
377. Alexa's laugh!
378. My grandma and grandmary
379. Naps, after not being able to sleep in the car
380. Homemade meals.
381. Thunderstorms
382. Trucks
383. Being around old friends again!
384. Getting to go back my home church
385. Selah's artistic creations.
386. My home church/Pastor Black
387. Mrs Black
388. My best friend
389. Elise and all her advice
390. Shopping/running errands with my mom.
391. Life
392. Playing games with Selah
393. the way alexa sucks on her bottom lip
394. Homemade chili
395. Homemade cornbread with either molasses or maple syrup
396. Helpful people (meaning people who just want to help in anyway they can)
397. Central Market
398. Being able to help
399. Pillows!
400. phone and laptop chargers
401. good talks with the best friend
402. Sitting outside with my niece, alexa
403. Swimming late at night.
404. hot tubes after swimming in chilly water
405. God is always with us, even when we can't feel or hear Him
406. Baking
407. The sounds of being home (its so different than in a dorm room)
408. Playing with blocks with Selah
409. That I grew up in a christian family
410. Warmth
411. Jason's salt water fish tanks
412. Being able to sleep at night
413. God healing places in my heart
414. the Verse Jeremiah 29:11, and Psalms 118
415. Duct Tape
416. Bridal shower for my cousin
417. nice cameras
418. celebration of graduations
419. sunflowers
420. alexa learning to stand on her own. =)
421. My best friend
422. Alexa crawling funny in the grass because she doesn't like the way the grass feels
423. Finally getting everything registered and done for the summer classes
424. Windows
425. Coffee
426. Having a big family
427. Banana bread
428. Good raw milk
429. Paul's example for us in the Bible
430.Alexa in her pink hat!
431. Freedom
432. Water Bottles
433. The crisis pregnancy center
434. Babies
435. Fly swatters.
436.Days of rest and focus
437. My niece learning to read
438. That my other nieces fever broke
439. Sun and shade at the same time
440. Friend's graduations.
441. Light showers
442. Clouds
443. Beautiful sunsets
444. Jasmine
445. the smell of Vanilla.
446. not getting sunburned
447. Children's joy about small things
448. Peace that only God can give
449. Babies falling asleep on you
450. Organic pizza that my mom bought.
451. Spending time with My brother and sister in law
452. Spending time with Elise, mi hermana
453. Babies...the movie
454. That I live in America, even with all its faults
455. Parks.
456. bird's singing/chirping
457. Alexa standing by herself
458. Easy access to fresh clean water
459. The very weird things Selah says and does, they make me smile.
460.baby talk.
461. Spending time with my mom
462. Elise reading stories to Selah
463. Long Long naps for no reason
464. Sense and Sensibility
465. How green everything is right now.
27. Grace and mercy
28. Time to relax
29. My niece Alexa, who is so fat and cute!
30. My sister Aleya and her beautiful poetry.
31. Gloves
32. Babies' Laughter
33. Backpacks
34. Laptops
35. warm socks
36. Sunshine
37. little acts of kindness that make a big difference
38. sweatpants
39. the feeling of springtime
40. Hope
41. Spoons (a frozen yogurt place that's really good)
42. Moments of joy through difficult times
43. That's its the Holy Spirit who draws people to Himself, and our job is just to follow Him
44. Bibles/the written word of God/that I am able to read it
45. Two hands, with all 10 fingers.
46. Sleepovers with my little sister
47. Brownies late at night
48. Watching movies with friends
49. Afternoon naps
50. Durable shoes.
51. Church
52. Love
53. God speaking to a really close friend of mine.
54. God's faithfulness
55. Electricity
56. God's never ending love for His children
57. Naps in general
58. Not needing glasses
59. ability to read and write
60. Worships songs
61.The internet
62. notebooks/paper
63. Letters from my sister
64. Ipods/music
65. Hearts
66. People bringing you orange juice when you are sick
67. Prayers
68. Hot showers
69. Childhood memories
70. Good friends who last.
71. Beautiful weather
72. Vitamin C
73. People who sing loudly just because they are having fun
74. Crackers and soup
75. Being able to hold tight to the ones I love.
76. A full night of sleep
77. Washers and Dryers
78. Puppies
79. Megan! and her willingness to help me be more thankful =)
80. That there is only 1 week until spring break.
81. Ultimate Frisbee with friends
82. Aleo vera
83. double stuffed oreos
84. random conversations
85. goofy friends
86. Breakfast
87. Little Rascals
88. That the Bible is reliable and one of God's ways of speaking to us
89. Friends who come to visit
90. The ability to love
91. Air, the ability to breathe without a machine
92. Time, that it is all in God's hands
93. Pajama pants
94. Hope and Assurance in the Lord.
95. C.S. Lewis
96. My mom
97. That my phone can withstand being dropped numerous times
98. That my sister has a car/way to get to the store when I'm out of food
99. Forgiveness
100. Pictures
101. Encouragement from friends and family
102. Being able to be there for people because God has been there for me
103. Headphones to block out unnecessary noise
104. Bread
105. being sent random pictures of my nieces.
106. That I have a niece and a nephew on the way.
107. Long conversations with really good friends
108. Seeing God works in the lives around me
109. Knowing there is a future for me, even though I have no idea what it is
110. Energy when there is no reasonable explanation why I should still have some. =)
111. Eating Gummy bears with friends
112. My friend Victor
113. Having a bible study group with girls who actually care
114. Scissors
115. That spring break has officially begun.
116. Relaxation
117. Beautiful Beaches
118. Dinoflagellate
119. Clear Water
120. Being out of the car after 10 hours car rides.
121. Time to relax without interruption
122. Sleeping in/catching up on sleep
123. Being with family
124. Singing loudly random songs that pop in your head with good friends
125. Bible studies and learning what God is doing in other's lives.
126. Cars
127. Talking with my older brothers
128. My grandma
129. Alexa sucking on her bottom lip...its so funny looking
130. Hope, I can't seem to do without it even if I don't always feel it.
131.Wind and sunshine
132.colorful umbrellas
133.that my ipod is working again
134. the dimple on alexa's face when she smiles really big
135. that we are never alone.
136. PB&J with milk
137. Chapstick
138. Notebooks/journals
139. Breakaway
140. My sister Shannon
141. Each day starts new
142. Good Raw Milk
143. That my ipod started working again
144. Next year I get to live in a dorm with a kitchen
145. That my Global Social Trends class is canceled tomorrow.
146. Good books
147. My colorful umbrella
148. Long-sleeved shirts
149. Cashews and crackers
150. My best friend, and developing other friendships.
151. My two sisters in law, Amanda and Melissa
152. Running/exercising
153. Anne
154. Isis
155. Belts
156. Playing sports with friends
157. Weekends
158.My cousin Carli
159. That God never gives up on us.
160. Flip Flops.
161. A ride to church
162. Great nice warm weather
163. Playing capture the flag with friends
164. My home church, Alliance Bible.
165. Grace Bible church.
166.The Lifehouse "everything" skit
167. That my sister is an RA, and therefore has access to a kitchen
168. The Psalms.
169. Tomato soup
170. Things to look forward too.
171. Seeing God speak into people's lives
172. His strength when I have none
173. A ting of hope while feeling hopeless
174. Friends who stick by you
175. Grass, trees, flowers and clouds.
176. Being able to worship God without being afraid for my life
177. the feeling after being done with a test.
178. Food, in general
179. My mom's willingness to help
180. Reminders of the important things in life.
181. Plates
182. Refrigerators
183. Pineapple
184. Strawberries
185. Toothpaste
186. 3 day weekends
187. My mom and dad
188. Alexa's smile
189. Selah's sayings
190. Aleya's dreams
191. Family
192. Basketball games
193. random conversations
194. bananas/potassium
195. Blogs/a place to think out loud.
196. Easter- reminder of what He did for us
197. Family
198. good food
199. a clean house
200. giggling.
201. Being able to pray and ask God for help at any moment of the day
202. A light breeze on a warm day
203. Earrings
204. My aTm necklace that I got for my birthday
205. Having so many things to be thankful for.
206. Getting out of tests early
207. People being willing to proofread my papers
208. Athletic shorts
209. the goofy things my family does
210. Cheddar cheese.
211.A place to go home to
212. People who love me
213. Playing sand volleyball-( it hurts less than diving on a court)
214. That I don't have to live in constant fear (our Country is very safe compared to most)
215. Strawberries
162. Great nice warm weather
163. Playing capture the flag with friends
164. My home church, Alliance Bible.
165. Grace Bible church.
166.The Lifehouse "everything" skit
167. That my sister is an RA, and therefore has access to a kitchen
168. The Psalms.
169. Tomato soup
170. Things to look forward too.
171. Seeing God speak into people's lives
172. His strength when I have none
173. A ting of hope while feeling hopeless
174. Friends who stick by you
175. Grass, trees, flowers and clouds.
176. Being able to worship God without being afraid for my life
177. the feeling after being done with a test.
178. Food, in general
179. My mom's willingness to help
180. Reminders of the important things in life.
181. Plates
182. Refrigerators
183. Pineapple
184. Strawberries
185. Toothpaste
186. 3 day weekends
187. My mom and dad
188. Alexa's smile
189. Selah's sayings
190. Aleya's dreams
191. Family
192. Basketball games
193. random conversations
194. bananas/potassium
195. Blogs/a place to think out loud.
196. Easter- reminder of what He did for us
197. Family
198. good food
199. a clean house
200. giggling.
201. Being able to pray and ask God for help at any moment of the day
202. A light breeze on a warm day
203. Earrings
204. My aTm necklace that I got for my birthday
205. Having so many things to be thankful for.
206. Getting out of tests early
207. People being willing to proofread my papers
208. Athletic shorts
209. the goofy things my family does
210. Cheddar cheese.
211.A place to go home to
212. People who love me
213. Playing sand volleyball-( it hurts less than diving on a court)
214. That I don't have to live in constant fear (our Country is very safe compared to most)
215. Strawberries
217. Socks
218. My oldest brother Joel
219. oranges
220. Phone Chargers.
221. Sunshine
222. Big white fluffy clouds
223. the people who work to keep the A&M campus so pretty
224. Varnadore
225. The location of the Earth in regards to the sun.
226. Shade
227. The sun
228. Tomato Soup
229. Playing Basketball with guys who actually pass you the ball
230. tweezers.
231. The song "On Christ the Solid Rock I stand"
232. Worship songs in general
233. Candy on sale
234. Hanging out with friends
235. Making homemade pizza.
236. Shannon's patience while working on her drawings
237. Being down with my tests for today
238. That the end of the school year is near, I think only about 30 days left
239. People who point me back to God
240. Earrings
241. Michelle's willingness to help me with schoolwork
242. Calculators
243. Apples
244. BBQ sauce
245. Parents who are always there for me
246. Chicken
247. getting out of class early
248. rides to get books I need for class
249. a semi-clean room (as clean as I can get in the the space that I have, haha)
250. Conditioner
251. Breakaway ministries
252. That I haven't had to go through physical endangerment that a lot of people in other counties face.
253. My mom and her comforting words
254. Breathing
255. Green and blue
256. Weekends
257. Friends in general
258. Family
259. Jane Austin
260. Mirrors
261. Sound of rain
262. Birds chirping
263. Amanda's baby shower
264. Talks with the girls in my family
265. swings
266. Throat drops
267. older brothers
268. Alexa's chubbiness
269. water bottles
270. only 3 more weeks of classes.
271. Turkey Sandwiches
272. My mom always being there for me
273. "Naked" juice drinks (they are really good)
274. Sunshine!
275. Extra sleep, and getting well.
276. Pencils
277. That I do not have a chronic or serious illness (That I am healthy)
278. Songs of praise
279. My rag doll that my grandmother made me when I was little
280. Soap
281. My white flats
282. patched jeans
283. that my phone still works, even though its partly broken
284. Pizza
285. Pineapple
286. Random sayings of little kids
287. People in my class group who are actually willing to work on the project.
288. That my mom can fix almost anything
289. That my dad is good at math and can (possibly) help me over the summer with my classes, haha
290. Sharpies
291. Sleeping late
292.Salads
293. Cherry Tomatoes
294. That its getting warm outside!
295. Being able to communicate with people quick and easily (either via facebook, cellphone, etc)
296. Boxes/containers
297. Cutlery
298. Concealer
299. A ride home at the end of the school year
300. Pandora radio.
301. Scissors
302. Rulers
303. Planners
304. Spanish Dictionaries
305. Beautiful weather.
306. Pancakes
307. Hanging out with michelle
308. Burritos
309. Avocados
310.That I got out of English class early today. =)
311. Stephen
312. Only a week left of regular classes
313. Lotion
314. Sunglasses
315. piggy banks.
316.That Eva Grace is on her way
317. My sister keeps me updated
318. My brother Jeremy
319. Email
320. pass/fail classes
321. My SIL (sister in law) Amanda, and that you got through the labor ok.
322. God's protection
323. Baby Eva Grace!
324. Jeremy being a proud new dad.
325. My parents, especially my mom giving life to me. =) (and well God of course for that too)
326. raisins
327. stud earrings
328.sticky notes
329. one of my classes being canceled next tuesday.
330. A place to go home to.
331. Almost a week to study for finals
332. Review sheets
333. computers and printers
334. that I don't live during ww2 ww1 or the cold war.
335. Skirts (and that I'm a girl and can therefor wear them without getting weird looks, haha)
336. That my team project is going well
337. Limes
338. Dental floss
339. God's forgiveness
340. Song's of praise and worship. Specifically the song "In the Secret"
341. Open washers and dryers (not having to wait)
342. getting a whole night of sleep
343. that I only have one regular class left in the semester
344. Getting to go see my niece today
345. Towels and rags.
346. Being home for a few days
347. Beautiful trees
348. Eva Grace, and how funny it is that she looks almost exactly like Jeremy's baby pictures
349. A place to write out my thoughts
350. A tiny bit of time to relax a bit before finals
351. My mom's help
352. Time to study
353. only for tests/finals to go until I am done with my freshman year
354. Hope for this summer
355. Pictures of my nieces.
356. Two finals down, and just two to go
357. Studying with my sister.
358. The feeling of packing up to go home
359. Throwing away old notes
360. Fun times laughing with friends.
361. That I only have one more final until I am done with my freshman year
362. Friends who can drive me home
363. Naps after 8 am finals
364. Waking up and immediately thinking of a worship song instead of what I have to do that day
365. Jackets in the summer...for when you walk into buildings that are set to what feels like 50 or 60 degrees.
366. Being done with finals!
367. that my last final took only 18 minutes
368. being almost completely packed
369. Getting to go home to see my family
370. God's love and it being manifested through family and friends.
371. Love
372. Hope in the face of some difficult times
373. Being with family
374. Sleep, after a few sleepless nights
375. Trees, and the shade they provide.
376. Being able to go to Michelle's graduation
377. Alexa's laugh!
378. My grandma and grandmary
379. Naps, after not being able to sleep in the car
380. Homemade meals.
381. Thunderstorms
382. Trucks
383. Being around old friends again!
384. Getting to go back my home church
385. Selah's artistic creations.
386. My home church/Pastor Black
387. Mrs Black
388. My best friend
389. Elise and all her advice
390. Shopping/running errands with my mom.
391. Life
392. Playing games with Selah
393. the way alexa sucks on her bottom lip
394. Homemade chili
395. Homemade cornbread with either molasses or maple syrup
396. Helpful people (meaning people who just want to help in anyway they can)
397. Central Market
398. Being able to help
399. Pillows!
400. phone and laptop chargers
401. good talks with the best friend
402. Sitting outside with my niece, alexa
403. Swimming late at night.
404. hot tubes after swimming in chilly water
405. God is always with us, even when we can't feel or hear Him
406. Baking
407. The sounds of being home (its so different than in a dorm room)
408. Playing with blocks with Selah
409. That I grew up in a christian family
410. Warmth
411. Jason's salt water fish tanks
412. Being able to sleep at night
413. God healing places in my heart
414. the Verse Jeremiah 29:11, and Psalms 118
415. Duct Tape
416. Bridal shower for my cousin
417. nice cameras
418. celebration of graduations
419. sunflowers
420. alexa learning to stand on her own. =)
421. My best friend
422. Alexa crawling funny in the grass because she doesn't like the way the grass feels
423. Finally getting everything registered and done for the summer classes
424. Windows
425. Coffee
426. Having a big family
427. Banana bread
428. Good raw milk
429. Paul's example for us in the Bible
430.Alexa in her pink hat!
431. Freedom
432. Water Bottles
433. The crisis pregnancy center
434. Babies
435. Fly swatters.
436.Days of rest and focus
437. My niece learning to read
438. That my other nieces fever broke
439. Sun and shade at the same time
440. Friend's graduations.
441. Light showers
442. Clouds
443. Beautiful sunsets
444. Jasmine
445. the smell of Vanilla.
446. not getting sunburned
447. Children's joy about small things
448. Peace that only God can give
449. Babies falling asleep on you
450. Organic pizza that my mom bought.
451. Spending time with My brother and sister in law
452. Spending time with Elise, mi hermana
453. Babies...the movie
454. That I live in America, even with all its faults
455. Parks.
456. bird's singing/chirping
457. Alexa standing by herself
458. Easy access to fresh clean water
459. The very weird things Selah says and does, they make me smile.
460.baby talk.
461. Spending time with my mom
462. Elise reading stories to Selah
463. Long Long naps for no reason
464. Sense and Sensibility
465. How green everything is right now.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Spoiled
I am a spoiled brat in the playroom of America, surrounded by luxurious toys (cellphones, computers, etc). I do not have to worry about food or clean water, I am safe and secure. I am rich in comparison to the rest of the world. But I am not allowed "this". My infant mind cannot understand, I want "this" so give me "this".
Father says not now.
I throw a fit, flinging myself to the floor, I want "this".
No is the answer.
But...no....but...no...but...NO.
Father walks over, standing in front of me.
No, and stand up.
sulking I stand and walk to Him.
I know not to try the bribes, the I will be good if You give me this. He sees past that.
Sadly I say I want "this", though now without the temper, without the flailing.
He looks as me kindly and says no.
My childheart breaks at the declination of "this"
But a good Father knows he cannot give into a child who throws a tantrum, it will not benefit the child at all. A good father does what is best for his children. He says no when need be.
Will I ever get "this"?
"this" is not the problem, my reactions to the Father when He declines my wants is.
Maybe I will get "this" in the future. For now I need to rejoice in the blessing I do have.
Lord I want "this", You know my heart. I will not try to hide it from You. Please help me to not let "this' become more important than pleasing You and following Your law, accepting the no when it comes from You. Help me to give "this" over to You, oh Lord, my Savior and my God.
Father says not now.
I throw a fit, flinging myself to the floor, I want "this".
No is the answer.
But...no....but...no...but...NO.
Father walks over, standing in front of me.
No, and stand up.
sulking I stand and walk to Him.
I know not to try the bribes, the I will be good if You give me this. He sees past that.
Sadly I say I want "this", though now without the temper, without the flailing.
He looks as me kindly and says no.
My childheart breaks at the declination of "this"
But a good Father knows he cannot give into a child who throws a tantrum, it will not benefit the child at all. A good father does what is best for his children. He says no when need be.
Will I ever get "this"?
"this" is not the problem, my reactions to the Father when He declines my wants is.
Maybe I will get "this" in the future. For now I need to rejoice in the blessing I do have.
Lord I want "this", You know my heart. I will not try to hide it from You. Please help me to not let "this' become more important than pleasing You and following Your law, accepting the no when it comes from You. Help me to give "this" over to You, oh Lord, my Savior and my God.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Teach Me
February 10, 2010
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels... If I can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
I have received a lot of love from people lately. I've been struggling with things, and they have stepped in, spread their arms open to me. I want to be able to love others better. The only way this is achieved is through the Lord. He is love, He is true love. I need to beg the Lord to come into my life and overflow my cup with Him, so that I can share it with those around me. Without love, I am nothing. (Without God I am nothing) Teach me Your love oh Lord.
Love is patient-- This is really hard for me. I find it harder to be patient with the people I love and know really well than those whom I have just met. But in light of God, His patience towards me, as I slowly learn to move towards Him. He is so patient with me, guiding me, and continually loving me. I need to show others patience as my heavenly Father has shown me, even with all my continual faults and stumbling, He forever holds out His hand to me.
love is kind-- Caring for someone else. Putting their interests ahead of your own. Being considerate. Love is kind, it looks for what will bring another joy, true joy in light of the Lord.
It is gentle when necessary, and blunt when needed. Kindness does not mean telling someone the things they want to hear, which might bring temporary "happiness" but rather telling them the things they need to hear so that they can receive lasting joy. Sometimes being kind is just being willing to lend your ears.
It does not envy-- I have lately found myself being very envious of others. I want what they have, and am almost angry at some points that I do not have the same thing. I used to think envy was mostly in the form of physical objects, things, and I thought to myself, ah, it will be easy to avoid envy, because most of those things are really not significant. But envy takes more forms than that. I find myself being envious of others circumstances. But I realize that such a thing is ridiculous. I need to be joyful in the blessings that God has given others. For if one member of the body benefits and finds joy, the whole body benefits. I should find joy in the fact that God has chosen to bless others.
It does not boast, it is not proud-- What have we to boast in but the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. He is the one who gives us the ability to love. By boasting we can cause other people to stumble, by them looking at us and becoming envious or looking at their own flaws and dwelling on them rather than seeing that it is the Lord who blesses, who gives all good gifts. Who loves all, and cares for them, and will give them what is good in their lives. In being proud we take credit for what is not ours. We tend to rely on our own abilities while it is God who allows us to Love. In what do I have to be prideful? In all things that I have been given have come from the Lord.
"I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast inJesus Christ
His death and resurrection"
It is not rude-- This goes along with being kind. It does not hurt others, or put them down.
But rude also has to do with "being undeveloped, crude, not finished". I think this means it is careful. Its not just thrown out there.
It is not self-seeking-- Putting others above/in front of yourself. Caring for them first. If you are seeking what will make you happiest, and not thinking of the other person's well being, you are not showing them love, you are putting yourself above them. I think C.S. Lewis says it best: "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained." This means even if you are not in the picture of what is best for the loved one, you love them anyways, by putting their well being ahead of what you want.
it is not easily angered-- I think this is interesting, it does not say "does not quickly act on its anger" but simply "is not easily angered". What implications does this have for us?
it keeps no record of wrongs-- I think this is important for three reasons: 1, If we try to keep a record we forget the love and kindness a person has shown to us. We only see their flaws. We do not see the truth of their love towards us. 2. We minimize our flaws, thinking we do so great while they are messing things up. We need to be humble. 3. In light of the Holy Father who wiped away our record: Through His love for us, He died to wipe our slates clean.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth-- Jesus is the truth. We need to follow Him in order to love. If we follow lies and evil, we will not reach love, but only deceitful sad imitations of love.
It always protects-- Take care of the loved one's heart. Guard it, put it before your own. Watch out for it and be there in times of trouble.
always trusts--By knowing the truth and following the lord, trust is made easy to do.
always hopes-- Our God is not one of despair, but of hope. As we trust Him with our lives, we follow His path for us, the path that love resides on, we will have a future of hope.
always perseveres-- Through difficult trials love does not give up. It grows stronger and thicker. You learn the true value of love as it lasts through the most difficult times.
Love never fails.-- God is love. God never fails. He is the mighty conqueror and Savior of our lives.
Lord teach me Your love.
If anyone has any comments, suggestions, responses, anything, please put in on here, I really want to hear what you have to say.
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels... If I can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
I have received a lot of love from people lately. I've been struggling with things, and they have stepped in, spread their arms open to me. I want to be able to love others better. The only way this is achieved is through the Lord. He is love, He is true love. I need to beg the Lord to come into my life and overflow my cup with Him, so that I can share it with those around me. Without love, I am nothing. (Without God I am nothing) Teach me Your love oh Lord.
Love is patient-- This is really hard for me. I find it harder to be patient with the people I love and know really well than those whom I have just met. But in light of God, His patience towards me, as I slowly learn to move towards Him. He is so patient with me, guiding me, and continually loving me. I need to show others patience as my heavenly Father has shown me, even with all my continual faults and stumbling, He forever holds out His hand to me.
love is kind-- Caring for someone else. Putting their interests ahead of your own. Being considerate. Love is kind, it looks for what will bring another joy, true joy in light of the Lord.
It is gentle when necessary, and blunt when needed. Kindness does not mean telling someone the things they want to hear, which might bring temporary "happiness" but rather telling them the things they need to hear so that they can receive lasting joy. Sometimes being kind is just being willing to lend your ears.
It does not envy-- I have lately found myself being very envious of others. I want what they have, and am almost angry at some points that I do not have the same thing. I used to think envy was mostly in the form of physical objects, things, and I thought to myself, ah, it will be easy to avoid envy, because most of those things are really not significant. But envy takes more forms than that. I find myself being envious of others circumstances. But I realize that such a thing is ridiculous. I need to be joyful in the blessings that God has given others. For if one member of the body benefits and finds joy, the whole body benefits. I should find joy in the fact that God has chosen to bless others.
It does not boast, it is not proud-- What have we to boast in but the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. He is the one who gives us the ability to love. By boasting we can cause other people to stumble, by them looking at us and becoming envious or looking at their own flaws and dwelling on them rather than seeing that it is the Lord who blesses, who gives all good gifts. Who loves all, and cares for them, and will give them what is good in their lives. In being proud we take credit for what is not ours. We tend to rely on our own abilities while it is God who allows us to Love. In what do I have to be prideful? In all things that I have been given have come from the Lord.
"I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast inJesus Christ
His death and resurrection"
It is not rude-- This goes along with being kind. It does not hurt others, or put them down.
But rude also has to do with "being undeveloped, crude, not finished". I think this means it is careful. Its not just thrown out there.
It is not self-seeking-- Putting others above/in front of yourself. Caring for them first. If you are seeking what will make you happiest, and not thinking of the other person's well being, you are not showing them love, you are putting yourself above them. I think C.S. Lewis says it best: "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained." This means even if you are not in the picture of what is best for the loved one, you love them anyways, by putting their well being ahead of what you want.
it is not easily angered-- I think this is interesting, it does not say "does not quickly act on its anger" but simply "is not easily angered". What implications does this have for us?
it keeps no record of wrongs-- I think this is important for three reasons: 1, If we try to keep a record we forget the love and kindness a person has shown to us. We only see their flaws. We do not see the truth of their love towards us. 2. We minimize our flaws, thinking we do so great while they are messing things up. We need to be humble. 3. In light of the Holy Father who wiped away our record: Through His love for us, He died to wipe our slates clean.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth-- Jesus is the truth. We need to follow Him in order to love. If we follow lies and evil, we will not reach love, but only deceitful sad imitations of love.
It always protects-- Take care of the loved one's heart. Guard it, put it before your own. Watch out for it and be there in times of trouble.
always trusts--By knowing the truth and following the lord, trust is made easy to do.
always hopes-- Our God is not one of despair, but of hope. As we trust Him with our lives, we follow His path for us, the path that love resides on, we will have a future of hope.
always perseveres-- Through difficult trials love does not give up. It grows stronger and thicker. You learn the true value of love as it lasts through the most difficult times.
Love never fails.-- God is love. God never fails. He is the mighty conqueror and Savior of our lives.
Lord teach me Your love.
If anyone has any comments, suggestions, responses, anything, please put in on here, I really want to hear what you have to say.
Love Never Fails.
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