Heart of mine, why do you keep speaking lies into my life. Why do I not shut you up? How can I?
Please stop saying these things, I cannot bear them, you know my greatest weakness and continue to exploit it. Please give me a break. I will not listen to your lies. I turn from you. I turn my face to Truth.
Lord helps me listen to You over the commotion of my heart. It speaks to me in a language unclear and yet powerfully painful. Help me to hear and trust in Your simple truth. Your love and Peace, Grace and Mercy. Help me to listen to You Lord, turn my face, ears, and eyes to You.
I do not know the full source of this current pain, it keeps coming back in waves. This sea is drowning me...so I will stand on the firm rock of my Lord. He is my sustainer. He will help me stand.
Where do these tears come from? Why are they so persistent down my face?
Please replace my sorrow with laughter as You turn my ear to the truth. I am supposed to find joy even in suffering. Be that joy oh Lord, in my life.
Keep this pain at bay...no, Lord take this pain away....unless it is somehow for Your glory and then help me to rejoice in You always, at all times, in all things.
Help me Lord.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
A list of Thanfulness
Every morning I'm going to try to think of five things that I am grateful for:
1. Blankets
2. Alarms
3. Bobby pins
4. Fan/white noise
5. My roommate (its her birthday, and she and I get along well...I've heard horror stories from other people, so i'm really thankful for her)
6. Beds
7. Clean water
8. Chocolate
9. Flowers
10. Not being late to class even when I wake up late.
11. Sleeping in on Saturdays
12. Inside jokes between friends.
13. A simple kind word
14. The funny things Selah says
15. Ice cream
16. Freedom to praise the Lord.
17. That my sister goes to the same college as me.
18. My older sister Elise! (today is her birthday)
19. Being able to open up to others without fear of being looked down on
20. Ability to walk.
21. Feeling safe
22. Peace
23. Long conversations with good friends
24. Mexican food
25. Jackets
1. Blankets
2. Alarms
3. Bobby pins
4. Fan/white noise
5. My roommate (its her birthday, and she and I get along well...I've heard horror stories from other people, so i'm really thankful for her)
6. Beds
7. Clean water
8. Chocolate
9. Flowers
10. Not being late to class even when I wake up late.
11. Sleeping in on Saturdays
12. Inside jokes between friends.
13. A simple kind word
14. The funny things Selah says
15. Ice cream
16. Freedom to praise the Lord.
17. That my sister goes to the same college as me.
18. My older sister Elise! (today is her birthday)
19. Being able to open up to others without fear of being looked down on
20. Ability to walk.
21. Feeling safe
22. Peace
23. Long conversations with good friends
24. Mexican food
25. Jackets
26.Snow in texas
27. Grace and mercy
28. Time to relax
29. My niece Alexa, who is so fat and cute!
30. My sister Aleya and her beautiful poetry.
31. Gloves
32. Babies' Laughter
33. Backpacks
34. Laptops
35. warm socks
36. Sunshine
37. little acts of kindness that make a big difference
38. sweatpants
39. the feeling of springtime
40. Hope
41. Spoons (a frozen yogurt place that's really good)
42. Moments of joy through difficult times
43. That's its the Holy Spirit who draws people to Himself, and our job is just to follow Him
44. Bibles/the written word of God/that I am able to read it
45. Two hands, with all 10 fingers.
46. Sleepovers with my little sister
47. Brownies late at night
48. Watching movies with friends
49. Afternoon naps
50. Durable shoes.
51. Church
52. Love
53. God speaking to a really close friend of mine.
54. God's faithfulness
55. Electricity
56. God's never ending love for His children
57. Naps in general
58. Not needing glasses
59. ability to read and write
60. Worships songs
61.The internet
62. notebooks/paper
63. Letters from my sister
64. Ipods/music
65. Hearts
66. People bringing you orange juice when you are sick
67. Prayers
68. Hot showers
69. Childhood memories
70. Good friends who last.
71. Beautiful weather
72. Vitamin C
73. People who sing loudly just because they are having fun
74. Crackers and soup
75. Being able to hold tight to the ones I love.
76. A full night of sleep
77. Washers and Dryers
78. Puppies
79. Megan! and her willingness to help me be more thankful =)
80. That there is only 1 week until spring break.
81. Ultimate Frisbee with friends
82. Aleo vera
83. double stuffed oreos
84. random conversations
85. goofy friends
86. Breakfast
87. Little Rascals
88. That the Bible is reliable and one of God's ways of speaking to us
89. Friends who come to visit
90. The ability to love
91. Air, the ability to breathe without a machine
92. Time, that it is all in God's hands
93. Pajama pants
94. Hope and Assurance in the Lord.
95. C.S. Lewis
96. My mom
97. That my phone can withstand being dropped numerous times
98. That my sister has a car/way to get to the store when I'm out of food
99. Forgiveness
100. Pictures
101. Encouragement from friends and family
102. Being able to be there for people because God has been there for me
103. Headphones to block out unnecessary noise
104. Bread
105. being sent random pictures of my nieces.
106. That I have a niece and a nephew on the way.
107. Long conversations with really good friends
108. Seeing God works in the lives around me
109. Knowing there is a future for me, even though I have no idea what it is
110. Energy when there is no reasonable explanation why I should still have some. =)
111. Eating Gummy bears with friends
112. My friend Victor
113. Having a bible study group with girls who actually care
114. Scissors
115. That spring break has officially begun.
116. Relaxation
117. Beautiful Beaches
118. Dinoflagellate
119. Clear Water
120. Being out of the car after 10 hours car rides.
121. Time to relax without interruption
122. Sleeping in/catching up on sleep
123. Being with family
124. Singing loudly random songs that pop in your head with good friends
125. Bible studies and learning what God is doing in other's lives.
126. Cars
127. Talking with my older brothers
128. My grandma
129. Alexa sucking on her bottom lip...its so funny looking
130. Hope, I can't seem to do without it even if I don't always feel it.
131.Wind and sunshine
132.colorful umbrellas
133.that my ipod is working again
134. the dimple on alexa's face when she smiles really big
135. that we are never alone.
136. PB&J with milk
137. Chapstick
138. Notebooks/journals
139. Breakaway
140. My sister Shannon
141. Each day starts new
142. Good Raw Milk
143. That my ipod started working again
144. Next year I get to live in a dorm with a kitchen
145. That my Global Social Trends class is canceled tomorrow.
146. Good books
147. My colorful umbrella
148. Long-sleeved shirts
149. Cashews and crackers
150. My best friend, and developing other friendships.
151. My two sisters in law, Amanda and Melissa
152. Running/exercising
153. Anne
154. Isis
155. Belts
156. Playing sports with friends
157. Weekends
158.My cousin Carli
159. That God never gives up on us.
160. Flip Flops.
216. Tennis shoes
217. Socks
218. My oldest brother Joel
219. oranges
220. Phone Chargers.
221. Sunshine
222. Big white fluffy clouds
223. the people who work to keep the A&M campus so pretty
224. Varnadore
225. The location of the Earth in regards to the sun.
226. Shade
227. The sun
228. Tomato Soup
229. Playing Basketball with guys who actually pass you the ball
230. tweezers.
231. The song "On Christ the Solid Rock I stand"
232. Worship songs in general
233. Candy on sale
234. Hanging out with friends
235. Making homemade pizza.
236. Shannon's patience while working on her drawings
237. Being down with my tests for today
238. That the end of the school year is near, I think only about 30 days left
239. People who point me back to God
240. Earrings
241. Michelle's willingness to help me with schoolwork
242. Calculators
243. Apples
244. BBQ sauce
245. Parents who are always there for me
246. Chicken
247. getting out of class early
248. rides to get books I need for class
249. a semi-clean room (as clean as I can get in the the space that I have, haha)
250. Conditioner
251. Breakaway ministries
252. That I haven't had to go through physical endangerment that a lot of people in other counties face.
253. My mom and her comforting words
254. Breathing
255. Green and blue
256. Weekends
257. Friends in general
258. Family
259. Jane Austin
260. Mirrors
261. Sound of rain
262. Birds chirping
263. Amanda's baby shower
264. Talks with the girls in my family
265. swings
266. Throat drops
267. older brothers
268. Alexa's chubbiness
269. water bottles
270. only 3 more weeks of classes.
271. Turkey Sandwiches
272. My mom always being there for me
273. "Naked" juice drinks (they are really good)
274. Sunshine!
275. Extra sleep, and getting well.
276. Pencils
277. That I do not have a chronic or serious illness (That I am healthy)
278. Songs of praise
279. My rag doll that my grandmother made me when I was little
280. Soap
281. My white flats
282. patched jeans
283. that my phone still works, even though its partly broken
284. Pizza
285. Pineapple
286. Random sayings of little kids
287. People in my class group who are actually willing to work on the project.
288. That my mom can fix almost anything
289. That my dad is good at math and can (possibly) help me over the summer with my classes, haha
290. Sharpies
291. Sleeping late
292.Salads
293. Cherry Tomatoes
294. That its getting warm outside!
295. Being able to communicate with people quick and easily (either via facebook, cellphone, etc)
296. Boxes/containers
297. Cutlery
298. Concealer
299. A ride home at the end of the school year
300. Pandora radio.
301. Scissors
302. Rulers
303. Planners
304. Spanish Dictionaries
305. Beautiful weather.
306. Pancakes
307. Hanging out with michelle
308. Burritos
309. Avocados
310.That I got out of English class early today. =)
311. Stephen
312. Only a week left of regular classes
313. Lotion
314. Sunglasses
315. piggy banks.
316.That Eva Grace is on her way
317. My sister keeps me updated
318. My brother Jeremy
319. Email
320. pass/fail classes
321. My SIL (sister in law) Amanda, and that you got through the labor ok.
322. God's protection
323. Baby Eva Grace!
324. Jeremy being a proud new dad.
325. My parents, especially my mom giving life to me. =) (and well God of course for that too)
326. raisins
327. stud earrings
328.sticky notes
329. one of my classes being canceled next tuesday.
330. A place to go home to.
331. Almost a week to study for finals
332. Review sheets
333. computers and printers
334. that I don't live during ww2 ww1 or the cold war.
335. Skirts (and that I'm a girl and can therefor wear them without getting weird looks, haha)
336. That my team project is going well
337. Limes
338. Dental floss
339. God's forgiveness
340. Song's of praise and worship. Specifically the song "In the Secret"
341. Open washers and dryers (not having to wait)
342. getting a whole night of sleep
343. that I only have one regular class left in the semester
344. Getting to go see my niece today
345. Towels and rags.
346. Being home for a few days
347. Beautiful trees
348. Eva Grace, and how funny it is that she looks almost exactly like Jeremy's baby pictures
349. A place to write out my thoughts
350. A tiny bit of time to relax a bit before finals
351. My mom's help
352. Time to study
353. only for tests/finals to go until I am done with my freshman year
354. Hope for this summer
355. Pictures of my nieces.
356. Two finals down, and just two to go
357. Studying with my sister.
358. The feeling of packing up to go home
359. Throwing away old notes
360. Fun times laughing with friends.
361. That I only have one more final until I am done with my freshman year
362. Friends who can drive me home
363. Naps after 8 am finals
364. Waking up and immediately thinking of a worship song instead of what I have to do that day
365. Jackets in the summer...for when you walk into buildings that are set to what feels like 50 or 60 degrees.
366. Being done with finals!
367. that my last final took only 18 minutes
368. being almost completely packed
369. Getting to go home to see my family
370. God's love and it being manifested through family and friends.
371. Love
372. Hope in the face of some difficult times
373. Being with family
374. Sleep, after a few sleepless nights
375. Trees, and the shade they provide.
376. Being able to go to Michelle's graduation
377. Alexa's laugh!
378. My grandma and grandmary
379. Naps, after not being able to sleep in the car
380. Homemade meals.
381. Thunderstorms
382. Trucks
383. Being around old friends again!
384. Getting to go back my home church
385. Selah's artistic creations.
386. My home church/Pastor Black
387. Mrs Black
388. My best friend
389. Elise and all her advice
390. Shopping/running errands with my mom.
391. Life
392. Playing games with Selah
393. the way alexa sucks on her bottom lip
394. Homemade chili
395. Homemade cornbread with either molasses or maple syrup
396. Helpful people (meaning people who just want to help in anyway they can)
397. Central Market
398. Being able to help
399. Pillows!
400. phone and laptop chargers
401. good talks with the best friend
402. Sitting outside with my niece, alexa
403. Swimming late at night.
404. hot tubes after swimming in chilly water
405. God is always with us, even when we can't feel or hear Him
406. Baking
407. The sounds of being home (its so different than in a dorm room)
408. Playing with blocks with Selah
409. That I grew up in a christian family
410. Warmth
411. Jason's salt water fish tanks
412. Being able to sleep at night
413. God healing places in my heart
414. the Verse Jeremiah 29:11, and Psalms 118
415. Duct Tape
416. Bridal shower for my cousin
417. nice cameras
418. celebration of graduations
419. sunflowers
420. alexa learning to stand on her own. =)
421. My best friend
422. Alexa crawling funny in the grass because she doesn't like the way the grass feels
423. Finally getting everything registered and done for the summer classes
424. Windows
425. Coffee
426. Having a big family
427. Banana bread
428. Good raw milk
429. Paul's example for us in the Bible
430.Alexa in her pink hat!
431. Freedom
432. Water Bottles
433. The crisis pregnancy center
434. Babies
435. Fly swatters.
436.Days of rest and focus
437. My niece learning to read
438. That my other nieces fever broke
439. Sun and shade at the same time
440. Friend's graduations.
441. Light showers
442. Clouds
443. Beautiful sunsets
444. Jasmine
445. the smell of Vanilla.
446. not getting sunburned
447. Children's joy about small things
448. Peace that only God can give
449. Babies falling asleep on you
450. Organic pizza that my mom bought.
451. Spending time with My brother and sister in law
452. Spending time with Elise, mi hermana
453. Babies...the movie
454. That I live in America, even with all its faults
455. Parks.
456. bird's singing/chirping
457. Alexa standing by herself
458. Easy access to fresh clean water
459. The very weird things Selah says and does, they make me smile.
460.baby talk.
461. Spending time with my mom
462. Elise reading stories to Selah
463. Long Long naps for no reason
464. Sense and Sensibility
465. How green everything is right now.
27. Grace and mercy
28. Time to relax
29. My niece Alexa, who is so fat and cute!
30. My sister Aleya and her beautiful poetry.
31. Gloves
32. Babies' Laughter
33. Backpacks
34. Laptops
35. warm socks
36. Sunshine
37. little acts of kindness that make a big difference
38. sweatpants
39. the feeling of springtime
40. Hope
41. Spoons (a frozen yogurt place that's really good)
42. Moments of joy through difficult times
43. That's its the Holy Spirit who draws people to Himself, and our job is just to follow Him
44. Bibles/the written word of God/that I am able to read it
45. Two hands, with all 10 fingers.
46. Sleepovers with my little sister
47. Brownies late at night
48. Watching movies with friends
49. Afternoon naps
50. Durable shoes.
51. Church
52. Love
53. God speaking to a really close friend of mine.
54. God's faithfulness
55. Electricity
56. God's never ending love for His children
57. Naps in general
58. Not needing glasses
59. ability to read and write
60. Worships songs
61.The internet
62. notebooks/paper
63. Letters from my sister
64. Ipods/music
65. Hearts
66. People bringing you orange juice when you are sick
67. Prayers
68. Hot showers
69. Childhood memories
70. Good friends who last.
71. Beautiful weather
72. Vitamin C
73. People who sing loudly just because they are having fun
74. Crackers and soup
75. Being able to hold tight to the ones I love.
76. A full night of sleep
77. Washers and Dryers
78. Puppies
79. Megan! and her willingness to help me be more thankful =)
80. That there is only 1 week until spring break.
81. Ultimate Frisbee with friends
82. Aleo vera
83. double stuffed oreos
84. random conversations
85. goofy friends
86. Breakfast
87. Little Rascals
88. That the Bible is reliable and one of God's ways of speaking to us
89. Friends who come to visit
90. The ability to love
91. Air, the ability to breathe without a machine
92. Time, that it is all in God's hands
93. Pajama pants
94. Hope and Assurance in the Lord.
95. C.S. Lewis
96. My mom
97. That my phone can withstand being dropped numerous times
98. That my sister has a car/way to get to the store when I'm out of food
99. Forgiveness
100. Pictures
101. Encouragement from friends and family
102. Being able to be there for people because God has been there for me
103. Headphones to block out unnecessary noise
104. Bread
105. being sent random pictures of my nieces.
106. That I have a niece and a nephew on the way.
107. Long conversations with really good friends
108. Seeing God works in the lives around me
109. Knowing there is a future for me, even though I have no idea what it is
110. Energy when there is no reasonable explanation why I should still have some. =)
111. Eating Gummy bears with friends
112. My friend Victor
113. Having a bible study group with girls who actually care
114. Scissors
115. That spring break has officially begun.
116. Relaxation
117. Beautiful Beaches
118. Dinoflagellate
119. Clear Water
120. Being out of the car after 10 hours car rides.
121. Time to relax without interruption
122. Sleeping in/catching up on sleep
123. Being with family
124. Singing loudly random songs that pop in your head with good friends
125. Bible studies and learning what God is doing in other's lives.
126. Cars
127. Talking with my older brothers
128. My grandma
129. Alexa sucking on her bottom lip...its so funny looking
130. Hope, I can't seem to do without it even if I don't always feel it.
131.Wind and sunshine
132.colorful umbrellas
133.that my ipod is working again
134. the dimple on alexa's face when she smiles really big
135. that we are never alone.
136. PB&J with milk
137. Chapstick
138. Notebooks/journals
139. Breakaway
140. My sister Shannon
141. Each day starts new
142. Good Raw Milk
143. That my ipod started working again
144. Next year I get to live in a dorm with a kitchen
145. That my Global Social Trends class is canceled tomorrow.
146. Good books
147. My colorful umbrella
148. Long-sleeved shirts
149. Cashews and crackers
150. My best friend, and developing other friendships.
151. My two sisters in law, Amanda and Melissa
152. Running/exercising
153. Anne
154. Isis
155. Belts
156. Playing sports with friends
157. Weekends
158.My cousin Carli
159. That God never gives up on us.
160. Flip Flops.
161. A ride to church
162. Great nice warm weather
163. Playing capture the flag with friends
164. My home church, Alliance Bible.
165. Grace Bible church.
166.The Lifehouse "everything" skit
167. That my sister is an RA, and therefore has access to a kitchen
168. The Psalms.
169. Tomato soup
170. Things to look forward too.
171. Seeing God speak into people's lives
172. His strength when I have none
173. A ting of hope while feeling hopeless
174. Friends who stick by you
175. Grass, trees, flowers and clouds.
176. Being able to worship God without being afraid for my life
177. the feeling after being done with a test.
178. Food, in general
179. My mom's willingness to help
180. Reminders of the important things in life.
181. Plates
182. Refrigerators
183. Pineapple
184. Strawberries
185. Toothpaste
186. 3 day weekends
187. My mom and dad
188. Alexa's smile
189. Selah's sayings
190. Aleya's dreams
191. Family
192. Basketball games
193. random conversations
194. bananas/potassium
195. Blogs/a place to think out loud.
196. Easter- reminder of what He did for us
197. Family
198. good food
199. a clean house
200. giggling.
201. Being able to pray and ask God for help at any moment of the day
202. A light breeze on a warm day
203. Earrings
204. My aTm necklace that I got for my birthday
205. Having so many things to be thankful for.
206. Getting out of tests early
207. People being willing to proofread my papers
208. Athletic shorts
209. the goofy things my family does
210. Cheddar cheese.
211.A place to go home to
212. People who love me
213. Playing sand volleyball-( it hurts less than diving on a court)
214. That I don't have to live in constant fear (our Country is very safe compared to most)
215. Strawberries
162. Great nice warm weather
163. Playing capture the flag with friends
164. My home church, Alliance Bible.
165. Grace Bible church.
166.The Lifehouse "everything" skit
167. That my sister is an RA, and therefore has access to a kitchen
168. The Psalms.
169. Tomato soup
170. Things to look forward too.
171. Seeing God speak into people's lives
172. His strength when I have none
173. A ting of hope while feeling hopeless
174. Friends who stick by you
175. Grass, trees, flowers and clouds.
176. Being able to worship God without being afraid for my life
177. the feeling after being done with a test.
178. Food, in general
179. My mom's willingness to help
180. Reminders of the important things in life.
181. Plates
182. Refrigerators
183. Pineapple
184. Strawberries
185. Toothpaste
186. 3 day weekends
187. My mom and dad
188. Alexa's smile
189. Selah's sayings
190. Aleya's dreams
191. Family
192. Basketball games
193. random conversations
194. bananas/potassium
195. Blogs/a place to think out loud.
196. Easter- reminder of what He did for us
197. Family
198. good food
199. a clean house
200. giggling.
201. Being able to pray and ask God for help at any moment of the day
202. A light breeze on a warm day
203. Earrings
204. My aTm necklace that I got for my birthday
205. Having so many things to be thankful for.
206. Getting out of tests early
207. People being willing to proofread my papers
208. Athletic shorts
209. the goofy things my family does
210. Cheddar cheese.
211.A place to go home to
212. People who love me
213. Playing sand volleyball-( it hurts less than diving on a court)
214. That I don't have to live in constant fear (our Country is very safe compared to most)
215. Strawberries
217. Socks
218. My oldest brother Joel
219. oranges
220. Phone Chargers.
221. Sunshine
222. Big white fluffy clouds
223. the people who work to keep the A&M campus so pretty
224. Varnadore
225. The location of the Earth in regards to the sun.
226. Shade
227. The sun
228. Tomato Soup
229. Playing Basketball with guys who actually pass you the ball
230. tweezers.
231. The song "On Christ the Solid Rock I stand"
232. Worship songs in general
233. Candy on sale
234. Hanging out with friends
235. Making homemade pizza.
236. Shannon's patience while working on her drawings
237. Being down with my tests for today
238. That the end of the school year is near, I think only about 30 days left
239. People who point me back to God
240. Earrings
241. Michelle's willingness to help me with schoolwork
242. Calculators
243. Apples
244. BBQ sauce
245. Parents who are always there for me
246. Chicken
247. getting out of class early
248. rides to get books I need for class
249. a semi-clean room (as clean as I can get in the the space that I have, haha)
250. Conditioner
251. Breakaway ministries
252. That I haven't had to go through physical endangerment that a lot of people in other counties face.
253. My mom and her comforting words
254. Breathing
255. Green and blue
256. Weekends
257. Friends in general
258. Family
259. Jane Austin
260. Mirrors
261. Sound of rain
262. Birds chirping
263. Amanda's baby shower
264. Talks with the girls in my family
265. swings
266. Throat drops
267. older brothers
268. Alexa's chubbiness
269. water bottles
270. only 3 more weeks of classes.
271. Turkey Sandwiches
272. My mom always being there for me
273. "Naked" juice drinks (they are really good)
274. Sunshine!
275. Extra sleep, and getting well.
276. Pencils
277. That I do not have a chronic or serious illness (That I am healthy)
278. Songs of praise
279. My rag doll that my grandmother made me when I was little
280. Soap
281. My white flats
282. patched jeans
283. that my phone still works, even though its partly broken
284. Pizza
285. Pineapple
286. Random sayings of little kids
287. People in my class group who are actually willing to work on the project.
288. That my mom can fix almost anything
289. That my dad is good at math and can (possibly) help me over the summer with my classes, haha
290. Sharpies
291. Sleeping late
292.Salads
293. Cherry Tomatoes
294. That its getting warm outside!
295. Being able to communicate with people quick and easily (either via facebook, cellphone, etc)
296. Boxes/containers
297. Cutlery
298. Concealer
299. A ride home at the end of the school year
300. Pandora radio.
301. Scissors
302. Rulers
303. Planners
304. Spanish Dictionaries
305. Beautiful weather.
306. Pancakes
307. Hanging out with michelle
308. Burritos
309. Avocados
310.That I got out of English class early today. =)
311. Stephen
312. Only a week left of regular classes
313. Lotion
314. Sunglasses
315. piggy banks.
316.That Eva Grace is on her way
317. My sister keeps me updated
318. My brother Jeremy
319. Email
320. pass/fail classes
321. My SIL (sister in law) Amanda, and that you got through the labor ok.
322. God's protection
323. Baby Eva Grace!
324. Jeremy being a proud new dad.
325. My parents, especially my mom giving life to me. =) (and well God of course for that too)
326. raisins
327. stud earrings
328.sticky notes
329. one of my classes being canceled next tuesday.
330. A place to go home to.
331. Almost a week to study for finals
332. Review sheets
333. computers and printers
334. that I don't live during ww2 ww1 or the cold war.
335. Skirts (and that I'm a girl and can therefor wear them without getting weird looks, haha)
336. That my team project is going well
337. Limes
338. Dental floss
339. God's forgiveness
340. Song's of praise and worship. Specifically the song "In the Secret"
341. Open washers and dryers (not having to wait)
342. getting a whole night of sleep
343. that I only have one regular class left in the semester
344. Getting to go see my niece today
345. Towels and rags.
346. Being home for a few days
347. Beautiful trees
348. Eva Grace, and how funny it is that she looks almost exactly like Jeremy's baby pictures
349. A place to write out my thoughts
350. A tiny bit of time to relax a bit before finals
351. My mom's help
352. Time to study
353. only for tests/finals to go until I am done with my freshman year
354. Hope for this summer
355. Pictures of my nieces.
356. Two finals down, and just two to go
357. Studying with my sister.
358. The feeling of packing up to go home
359. Throwing away old notes
360. Fun times laughing with friends.
361. That I only have one more final until I am done with my freshman year
362. Friends who can drive me home
363. Naps after 8 am finals
364. Waking up and immediately thinking of a worship song instead of what I have to do that day
365. Jackets in the summer...for when you walk into buildings that are set to what feels like 50 or 60 degrees.
366. Being done with finals!
367. that my last final took only 18 minutes
368. being almost completely packed
369. Getting to go home to see my family
370. God's love and it being manifested through family and friends.
371. Love
372. Hope in the face of some difficult times
373. Being with family
374. Sleep, after a few sleepless nights
375. Trees, and the shade they provide.
376. Being able to go to Michelle's graduation
377. Alexa's laugh!
378. My grandma and grandmary
379. Naps, after not being able to sleep in the car
380. Homemade meals.
381. Thunderstorms
382. Trucks
383. Being around old friends again!
384. Getting to go back my home church
385. Selah's artistic creations.
386. My home church/Pastor Black
387. Mrs Black
388. My best friend
389. Elise and all her advice
390. Shopping/running errands with my mom.
391. Life
392. Playing games with Selah
393. the way alexa sucks on her bottom lip
394. Homemade chili
395. Homemade cornbread with either molasses or maple syrup
396. Helpful people (meaning people who just want to help in anyway they can)
397. Central Market
398. Being able to help
399. Pillows!
400. phone and laptop chargers
401. good talks with the best friend
402. Sitting outside with my niece, alexa
403. Swimming late at night.
404. hot tubes after swimming in chilly water
405. God is always with us, even when we can't feel or hear Him
406. Baking
407. The sounds of being home (its so different than in a dorm room)
408. Playing with blocks with Selah
409. That I grew up in a christian family
410. Warmth
411. Jason's salt water fish tanks
412. Being able to sleep at night
413. God healing places in my heart
414. the Verse Jeremiah 29:11, and Psalms 118
415. Duct Tape
416. Bridal shower for my cousin
417. nice cameras
418. celebration of graduations
419. sunflowers
420. alexa learning to stand on her own. =)
421. My best friend
422. Alexa crawling funny in the grass because she doesn't like the way the grass feels
423. Finally getting everything registered and done for the summer classes
424. Windows
425. Coffee
426. Having a big family
427. Banana bread
428. Good raw milk
429. Paul's example for us in the Bible
430.Alexa in her pink hat!
431. Freedom
432. Water Bottles
433. The crisis pregnancy center
434. Babies
435. Fly swatters.
436.Days of rest and focus
437. My niece learning to read
438. That my other nieces fever broke
439. Sun and shade at the same time
440. Friend's graduations.
441. Light showers
442. Clouds
443. Beautiful sunsets
444. Jasmine
445. the smell of Vanilla.
446. not getting sunburned
447. Children's joy about small things
448. Peace that only God can give
449. Babies falling asleep on you
450. Organic pizza that my mom bought.
451. Spending time with My brother and sister in law
452. Spending time with Elise, mi hermana
453. Babies...the movie
454. That I live in America, even with all its faults
455. Parks.
456. bird's singing/chirping
457. Alexa standing by herself
458. Easy access to fresh clean water
459. The very weird things Selah says and does, they make me smile.
460.baby talk.
461. Spending time with my mom
462. Elise reading stories to Selah
463. Long Long naps for no reason
464. Sense and Sensibility
465. How green everything is right now.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Spoiled
I am a spoiled brat in the playroom of America, surrounded by luxurious toys (cellphones, computers, etc). I do not have to worry about food or clean water, I am safe and secure. I am rich in comparison to the rest of the world. But I am not allowed "this". My infant mind cannot understand, I want "this" so give me "this".
Father says not now.
I throw a fit, flinging myself to the floor, I want "this".
No is the answer.
But...no....but...no...but...NO.
Father walks over, standing in front of me.
No, and stand up.
sulking I stand and walk to Him.
I know not to try the bribes, the I will be good if You give me this. He sees past that.
Sadly I say I want "this", though now without the temper, without the flailing.
He looks as me kindly and says no.
My childheart breaks at the declination of "this"
But a good Father knows he cannot give into a child who throws a tantrum, it will not benefit the child at all. A good father does what is best for his children. He says no when need be.
Will I ever get "this"?
"this" is not the problem, my reactions to the Father when He declines my wants is.
Maybe I will get "this" in the future. For now I need to rejoice in the blessing I do have.
Lord I want "this", You know my heart. I will not try to hide it from You. Please help me to not let "this' become more important than pleasing You and following Your law, accepting the no when it comes from You. Help me to give "this" over to You, oh Lord, my Savior and my God.
Father says not now.
I throw a fit, flinging myself to the floor, I want "this".
No is the answer.
But...no....but...no...but...NO.
Father walks over, standing in front of me.
No, and stand up.
sulking I stand and walk to Him.
I know not to try the bribes, the I will be good if You give me this. He sees past that.
Sadly I say I want "this", though now without the temper, without the flailing.
He looks as me kindly and says no.
My childheart breaks at the declination of "this"
But a good Father knows he cannot give into a child who throws a tantrum, it will not benefit the child at all. A good father does what is best for his children. He says no when need be.
Will I ever get "this"?
"this" is not the problem, my reactions to the Father when He declines my wants is.
Maybe I will get "this" in the future. For now I need to rejoice in the blessing I do have.
Lord I want "this", You know my heart. I will not try to hide it from You. Please help me to not let "this' become more important than pleasing You and following Your law, accepting the no when it comes from You. Help me to give "this" over to You, oh Lord, my Savior and my God.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Teach Me
February 10, 2010
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels... If I can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
I have received a lot of love from people lately. I've been struggling with things, and they have stepped in, spread their arms open to me. I want to be able to love others better. The only way this is achieved is through the Lord. He is love, He is true love. I need to beg the Lord to come into my life and overflow my cup with Him, so that I can share it with those around me. Without love, I am nothing. (Without God I am nothing) Teach me Your love oh Lord.
Love is patient-- This is really hard for me. I find it harder to be patient with the people I love and know really well than those whom I have just met. But in light of God, His patience towards me, as I slowly learn to move towards Him. He is so patient with me, guiding me, and continually loving me. I need to show others patience as my heavenly Father has shown me, even with all my continual faults and stumbling, He forever holds out His hand to me.
love is kind-- Caring for someone else. Putting their interests ahead of your own. Being considerate. Love is kind, it looks for what will bring another joy, true joy in light of the Lord.
It is gentle when necessary, and blunt when needed. Kindness does not mean telling someone the things they want to hear, which might bring temporary "happiness" but rather telling them the things they need to hear so that they can receive lasting joy. Sometimes being kind is just being willing to lend your ears.
It does not envy-- I have lately found myself being very envious of others. I want what they have, and am almost angry at some points that I do not have the same thing. I used to think envy was mostly in the form of physical objects, things, and I thought to myself, ah, it will be easy to avoid envy, because most of those things are really not significant. But envy takes more forms than that. I find myself being envious of others circumstances. But I realize that such a thing is ridiculous. I need to be joyful in the blessings that God has given others. For if one member of the body benefits and finds joy, the whole body benefits. I should find joy in the fact that God has chosen to bless others.
It does not boast, it is not proud-- What have we to boast in but the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. He is the one who gives us the ability to love. By boasting we can cause other people to stumble, by them looking at us and becoming envious or looking at their own flaws and dwelling on them rather than seeing that it is the Lord who blesses, who gives all good gifts. Who loves all, and cares for them, and will give them what is good in their lives. In being proud we take credit for what is not ours. We tend to rely on our own abilities while it is God who allows us to Love. In what do I have to be prideful? In all things that I have been given have come from the Lord.
"I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast inJesus Christ
His death and resurrection"
It is not rude-- This goes along with being kind. It does not hurt others, or put them down.
But rude also has to do with "being undeveloped, crude, not finished". I think this means it is careful. Its not just thrown out there.
It is not self-seeking-- Putting others above/in front of yourself. Caring for them first. If you are seeking what will make you happiest, and not thinking of the other person's well being, you are not showing them love, you are putting yourself above them. I think C.S. Lewis says it best: "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained." This means even if you are not in the picture of what is best for the loved one, you love them anyways, by putting their well being ahead of what you want.
it is not easily angered-- I think this is interesting, it does not say "does not quickly act on its anger" but simply "is not easily angered". What implications does this have for us?
it keeps no record of wrongs-- I think this is important for three reasons: 1, If we try to keep a record we forget the love and kindness a person has shown to us. We only see their flaws. We do not see the truth of their love towards us. 2. We minimize our flaws, thinking we do so great while they are messing things up. We need to be humble. 3. In light of the Holy Father who wiped away our record: Through His love for us, He died to wipe our slates clean.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth-- Jesus is the truth. We need to follow Him in order to love. If we follow lies and evil, we will not reach love, but only deceitful sad imitations of love.
It always protects-- Take care of the loved one's heart. Guard it, put it before your own. Watch out for it and be there in times of trouble.
always trusts--By knowing the truth and following the lord, trust is made easy to do.
always hopes-- Our God is not one of despair, but of hope. As we trust Him with our lives, we follow His path for us, the path that love resides on, we will have a future of hope.
always perseveres-- Through difficult trials love does not give up. It grows stronger and thicker. You learn the true value of love as it lasts through the most difficult times.
Love never fails.-- God is love. God never fails. He is the mighty conqueror and Savior of our lives.
Lord teach me Your love.
If anyone has any comments, suggestions, responses, anything, please put in on here, I really want to hear what you have to say.
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels... If I can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
I have received a lot of love from people lately. I've been struggling with things, and they have stepped in, spread their arms open to me. I want to be able to love others better. The only way this is achieved is through the Lord. He is love, He is true love. I need to beg the Lord to come into my life and overflow my cup with Him, so that I can share it with those around me. Without love, I am nothing. (Without God I am nothing) Teach me Your love oh Lord.
Love is patient-- This is really hard for me. I find it harder to be patient with the people I love and know really well than those whom I have just met. But in light of God, His patience towards me, as I slowly learn to move towards Him. He is so patient with me, guiding me, and continually loving me. I need to show others patience as my heavenly Father has shown me, even with all my continual faults and stumbling, He forever holds out His hand to me.
love is kind-- Caring for someone else. Putting their interests ahead of your own. Being considerate. Love is kind, it looks for what will bring another joy, true joy in light of the Lord.
It is gentle when necessary, and blunt when needed. Kindness does not mean telling someone the things they want to hear, which might bring temporary "happiness" but rather telling them the things they need to hear so that they can receive lasting joy. Sometimes being kind is just being willing to lend your ears.
It does not envy-- I have lately found myself being very envious of others. I want what they have, and am almost angry at some points that I do not have the same thing. I used to think envy was mostly in the form of physical objects, things, and I thought to myself, ah, it will be easy to avoid envy, because most of those things are really not significant. But envy takes more forms than that. I find myself being envious of others circumstances. But I realize that such a thing is ridiculous. I need to be joyful in the blessings that God has given others. For if one member of the body benefits and finds joy, the whole body benefits. I should find joy in the fact that God has chosen to bless others.
It does not boast, it is not proud-- What have we to boast in but the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. He is the one who gives us the ability to love. By boasting we can cause other people to stumble, by them looking at us and becoming envious or looking at their own flaws and dwelling on them rather than seeing that it is the Lord who blesses, who gives all good gifts. Who loves all, and cares for them, and will give them what is good in their lives. In being proud we take credit for what is not ours. We tend to rely on our own abilities while it is God who allows us to Love. In what do I have to be prideful? In all things that I have been given have come from the Lord.
"I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast inJesus Christ
His death and resurrection"
It is not rude-- This goes along with being kind. It does not hurt others, or put them down.
But rude also has to do with "being undeveloped, crude, not finished". I think this means it is careful. Its not just thrown out there.
It is not self-seeking-- Putting others above/in front of yourself. Caring for them first. If you are seeking what will make you happiest, and not thinking of the other person's well being, you are not showing them love, you are putting yourself above them. I think C.S. Lewis says it best: "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained." This means even if you are not in the picture of what is best for the loved one, you love them anyways, by putting their well being ahead of what you want.
it is not easily angered-- I think this is interesting, it does not say "does not quickly act on its anger" but simply "is not easily angered". What implications does this have for us?
it keeps no record of wrongs-- I think this is important for three reasons: 1, If we try to keep a record we forget the love and kindness a person has shown to us. We only see their flaws. We do not see the truth of their love towards us. 2. We minimize our flaws, thinking we do so great while they are messing things up. We need to be humble. 3. In light of the Holy Father who wiped away our record: Through His love for us, He died to wipe our slates clean.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth-- Jesus is the truth. We need to follow Him in order to love. If we follow lies and evil, we will not reach love, but only deceitful sad imitations of love.
It always protects-- Take care of the loved one's heart. Guard it, put it before your own. Watch out for it and be there in times of trouble.
always trusts--By knowing the truth and following the lord, trust is made easy to do.
always hopes-- Our God is not one of despair, but of hope. As we trust Him with our lives, we follow His path for us, the path that love resides on, we will have a future of hope.
always perseveres-- Through difficult trials love does not give up. It grows stronger and thicker. You learn the true value of love as it lasts through the most difficult times.
Love never fails.-- God is love. God never fails. He is the mighty conqueror and Savior of our lives.
Lord teach me Your love.
If anyone has any comments, suggestions, responses, anything, please put in on here, I really want to hear what you have to say.
Love Never Fails.
Growing Pains
January 30, 2010
Oh joy that ...seeks me through the pain
I cannot close my heart to thee
I trace the rainbow through the rain
and know the promise is not vain
that mourn shall tearless be
Rejoice my heart! Rejoice my soul!
my savior God has come to thee
Rejoice my heart! You've been made whole
by a love that will not let me go
This last week has been really hard for me.
I never knew I could be in so much pain and still know that I will be/am ok.
That sounds like a contradiction, but its not.
I have been hurting a lot, but also have felt an immense amount of peace from my Savior.
My family has been a huge support for me, (not only these last few days but over the last few months especially), I do not think I could ask for/think of a better group to help me. They do not do this by negating my pain, or saying oh it will go away, or saying I am overreacting, but rather they point me to the only one who can actually help me, my Lord and Savior.
I do not understand His will for my life, I do not understand why certain things happen, but I KNOW that He loves me, and wants what is best for me.
Maybe my timing has just been off for now, or maybe its more than that.
It is painful to think the latter, and even more so to actually put it out in words, but whichever of the two it is I will trust my Lord.
It is not in the easy times that our faith is pushed to the brink, but in the times of suffering.
And although I can not even begin to understand the pain that many people have gone through....I have never had to experience starving, being homeless, being abandoned, having a serious disease... I do know that my pain is real to me.
It is not pleasant. But it is part of the growing process. (Growing Pains).
Sometimes I feel as if I would rather stay small, and not grow because the process hurts so much, but then I would never get to experience some of the great stuff out there that only the little bit older, little bit bigger people can understand.
I need to continually pray to God that He molds my heart to fit His purpose and His kingdom.
It hurts and I don't like pain.
But the knowledge of the joy that comes after the TEMPORARY pain, is worth it.
Even if that pain lasts for an entire lifetime, it is still temporary in light of eternity, and so that is what I need to keep my focus on.
Oh joy that ...seeks me through the pain
I cannot close my heart to thee
I trace the rainbow through the rain
and know the promise is not vain
that mourn shall tearless be
Rejoice my heart! Rejoice my soul!
my savior God has come to thee
Rejoice my heart! You've been made whole
by a love that will not let me go
This last week has been really hard for me.
I never knew I could be in so much pain and still know that I will be/am ok.
That sounds like a contradiction, but its not.
I have been hurting a lot, but also have felt an immense amount of peace from my Savior.
My family has been a huge support for me, (not only these last few days but over the last few months especially), I do not think I could ask for/think of a better group to help me. They do not do this by negating my pain, or saying oh it will go away, or saying I am overreacting, but rather they point me to the only one who can actually help me, my Lord and Savior.
I do not understand His will for my life, I do not understand why certain things happen, but I KNOW that He loves me, and wants what is best for me.
Maybe my timing has just been off for now, or maybe its more than that.
It is painful to think the latter, and even more so to actually put it out in words, but whichever of the two it is I will trust my Lord.
It is not in the easy times that our faith is pushed to the brink, but in the times of suffering.
And although I can not even begin to understand the pain that many people have gone through....I have never had to experience starving, being homeless, being abandoned, having a serious disease... I do know that my pain is real to me.
It is not pleasant. But it is part of the growing process. (Growing Pains).
Sometimes I feel as if I would rather stay small, and not grow because the process hurts so much, but then I would never get to experience some of the great stuff out there that only the little bit older, little bit bigger people can understand.
I need to continually pray to God that He molds my heart to fit His purpose and His kingdom.
It hurts and I don't like pain.
But the knowledge of the joy that comes after the TEMPORARY pain, is worth it.
Even if that pain lasts for an entire lifetime, it is still temporary in light of eternity, and so that is what I need to keep my focus on.
Restless
January 15, 2010
I don't know whats going on with me, I just feel really restless. So I'm just going to type whatever comes to mind on here and see where it leads to.
Aleya was just talking to me about some new shoes she made. I think they are kinda funny looking, but she seems to like them. She just asked me if they would look better if she put monsters on them. When I didn't respond she said "ugh, people these days".
I'm not sure what she means by that. But oh well.
Now Aleya, and the best guy ever (aka, Chris) are commenting on a picture of me that I don't really like, but they seem to. So i guess its ok. I don't really know how to respond to stuff like that though.
Today has been weird. I went to the dentist for the third day in a row!
I have had a cleaning, and 4 fillings (3 were really small though). Not bad after not really going to a dentist for 6 years, or at least that's how long my mom thinks it has been. I don't know. I just wish I knew how to take better care of my teeth. I brush them a lot! My mom thinks its from when I was younger though.
Gah, I miss him so much. He is really awesome, most people don't see it quite like it do, but he really truly is a great guy! This is going to be a long, but really good semester for us.
Speaking of this semester, I'm terrified. I need to continue to do really well, and I don't know if I'm up for it. 16 hours. It doesn't seem like it will be impossible, but the closer it comes to it, the more it feels like it might be.
I'm crazy for trying to get into this intensive writing class. But I guess its good to just get it over with. I mean, boy oh boy. I think I'm in over my head....but then again when am I not?
I basically feel like I faked my way through the first semester and am now confused to see myself going back for more.
My brain feels like its wanting to shut off, but I'm not tired.
and now here it goes waking up again. I dunno whats going on with it.
Also my face feels numb. I don't know if I'm imagining this or its because my face has been shot up with so many dentist needles lately.
Either way, my face feels funny.
Ok well this is really long. Not that I expect anyone to read it. But yeah. I think I want to stop typing now.
later gator.
I don't know whats going on with me, I just feel really restless. So I'm just going to type whatever comes to mind on here and see where it leads to.
Aleya was just talking to me about some new shoes she made. I think they are kinda funny looking, but she seems to like them. She just asked me if they would look better if she put monsters on them. When I didn't respond she said "ugh, people these days".
I'm not sure what she means by that. But oh well.
Now Aleya, and the best guy ever (aka, Chris) are commenting on a picture of me that I don't really like, but they seem to. So i guess its ok. I don't really know how to respond to stuff like that though.
Today has been weird. I went to the dentist for the third day in a row!
I have had a cleaning, and 4 fillings (3 were really small though). Not bad after not really going to a dentist for 6 years, or at least that's how long my mom thinks it has been. I don't know. I just wish I knew how to take better care of my teeth. I brush them a lot! My mom thinks its from when I was younger though.
Gah, I miss him so much. He is really awesome, most people don't see it quite like it do, but he really truly is a great guy! This is going to be a long, but really good semester for us.
Speaking of this semester, I'm terrified. I need to continue to do really well, and I don't know if I'm up for it. 16 hours. It doesn't seem like it will be impossible, but the closer it comes to it, the more it feels like it might be.
I'm crazy for trying to get into this intensive writing class. But I guess its good to just get it over with. I mean, boy oh boy. I think I'm in over my head....but then again when am I not?
I basically feel like I faked my way through the first semester and am now confused to see myself going back for more.
My brain feels like its wanting to shut off, but I'm not tired.
and now here it goes waking up again. I dunno whats going on with it.
Also my face feels numb. I don't know if I'm imagining this or its because my face has been shot up with so many dentist needles lately.
Either way, my face feels funny.
Ok well this is really long. Not that I expect anyone to read it. But yeah. I think I want to stop typing now.
later gator.
Confused and Hurt
December 18, 2009
Well this last week has sure been interesting to say the least. I've been so excited to see so many people, and many of them seem genuinely excited to see me. There is just one person though who I was expecting to be a little happier about it. But I guess not.
I'm trying to not jump to conclusions, but I'm getting really hurt along the way anyways.
If I didn't know better I would think this person hates me, but I know that isn't the case.
The person is just trying to do what is best, and help things along. But they are really confusing me. First its basically "I can't wait for you to get home" and now its like "you are home, but we can't hang out". I mean really? I'm so confused right now. This really sucks. I'm really excited to be home, see my family and all that....but then for it to make things harder on that person, and for them to be acting like this. It just really really hurts.
It makes me hate college even more, because I see how split open my life is becoming. I don't fit in up there, and now I don't fit in down here either =(
What happened? Did I do something to change this whole thing? Or even with that one person? Did I upset them? Something?! I feel so lost and confused about this, and I hate it.
I feel like crying, but I don't want to.
Well this last week has sure been interesting to say the least. I've been so excited to see so many people, and many of them seem genuinely excited to see me. There is just one person though who I was expecting to be a little happier about it. But I guess not.
I'm trying to not jump to conclusions, but I'm getting really hurt along the way anyways.
If I didn't know better I would think this person hates me, but I know that isn't the case.
The person is just trying to do what is best, and help things along. But they are really confusing me. First its basically "I can't wait for you to get home" and now its like "you are home, but we can't hang out". I mean really? I'm so confused right now. This really sucks. I'm really excited to be home, see my family and all that....but then for it to make things harder on that person, and for them to be acting like this. It just really really hurts.
It makes me hate college even more, because I see how split open my life is becoming. I don't fit in up there, and now I don't fit in down here either =(
What happened? Did I do something to change this whole thing? Or even with that one person? Did I upset them? Something?! I feel so lost and confused about this, and I hate it.
I feel like crying, but I don't want to.
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