With and without

I'm so..
tired of being tired.
Restless of restlessness.
Confused about confusion.
Sick of sickness.
Sad because of sadness.
frustrated with frustration
pained by pain.
heavy with heaviness.
emptied by emptiness.
drained of draining.
angry with anger.
Sinfully sinful
arrogantly arrogant
hungry for hunger.
thirsty for thirst.
desiring desire.
longing longing.
hopelessly hopeless.
Broken brokenness

You are...
Living life
Patiently patient
Peacefully peace
truthfully truth
wonderfully wonderful
joyfully joyous
calmly calm
lovingly loving
awesomely awesome
full of fullness
justly justice
purely pure
humbly humble
kindly kind
creatively creative
faithfully faithful
hopefully hopeful
perfectly perfect


You heal...
My tiredness with Your peace
My restlessness with Your patience
My confusion with Your truth
My sickness with Your wonder
My sadness with Your joy
My frustration with Your calm
My pain with Your love
My heaviness with Your awe
My emptiness with Your fullness
My anger with Your justice
My sin with Your purity
My arrogance with Your humility
My hunger with Your kindness
My thirst with Your creativity
My longing with Your faithfulness
My hopelessness with Your hope
My brokenness with Your perfection

I am
nothing without You.
Everything with You.
Lost without You.
Found with You.
Alone without You.
Belonging with You.
Scared without You.
Secure with You.
Longing without You.
Satisfied with You.
Empty without You.
Full with You.
Hate without You.
Love with You.



Lord, I realize my need for You. My desires and my wants of more You. Help me to change anytime I use "I""me" or any other pronoun pertaining to myself, and changed it to You. Until all that is left is more and more of You, and less of me. You are what matters, what is important, what is good, right, faithful, true. Make that clear Lord. More of You.
With love, to Love. Amen

It no longer feels like alone...

So often I have viewed the words "alone" and "single" as synonyms. But that is by far not the case. And although I have told myself time and time again that there is a difference between the two things, in the back of my mind I think I still saw them the same.

But, by God's grace, I no longer do.
Struggling over the last winter break (trying to understand what I needed to do, where the guilt was coming from, realizing what I needed to do and trying to figure out how to do it) I was confused. I kept putting the blame on something else, and really believing that was the cause. When really what God was telling me is "you are not ready for this. First be satisfied in Me"

Although I have heard this many many many many times before, I didn't understand what it meant. To be honest I know I still don't completely grasp it. But I do know that when I had that conversation (as hard as it was, as long as it was) when I walked away, although I was sorry for the pain that I had caused by beginning such a thing, I felt lighter. Free almost. God gave me a sense of peace.

For the first time in a while, I wanted to read my bible, to pray.
I hadn't even realized how hard that had become for me until it no longer was.

Last night at breakaway there were two songs that stuck out to me. God's grace in reminders. God's love through our realization of Him and His power, love, mercy, justice.

The first song was "You alone can rescue" by Matt Redman

And the lines get repeated some, so this was probably about the 3rd or 4th time I was singing these lyrics when it just hit me:

"You alone can rescue, You alone can save "

As dumb as it may sound, this had been one of my biggest fears with having that conversation...that it would drive him away from God.
But God just told me, "its not your job to save or rescue, its Mine. And I can do it no matter what you have done".
God just allowed His peace to rest on me. He gave me the ability to lay down my burden at His feet. His grace is enough, its always enough.

The second song was: "Christ is Risen" by Matt Maher
"Let no one caught in sin remain
Inside the lie of inward shame
But fix our eyes upon the cross
And run to Him who showed great love"

Just His constant reminder to return to Him.
Just joy in His love.
He has given me peace and joy.
Its hard to explain. But those who understand know that already. Yet it is so great.

I do know that got has great things for me now. I have NO CLUE what they are. But I know that I need to do it just Him and me. And I am happy about that.
Its no longer alone to be single, not in the least. Its to learn to be closer to my True Love, to my Savior, to learn to be satisfied in Him and Him alone.

Lord, thank you for changing my mind, and my heart. For taking away earthly longing that I hadn't even realized my directing my actions. Help me to hold to this realization that You are all I need. I find joy and peace in You. And when I am in turmoil Lord, help me to realize You are the only thing solid . You are more than enough. Help me to search out what You desire for me, here and now. I love You Lord. Help me to grow in that love.
With love, to Love. Amen.

I am tired of stumbling

I feel like I continually fall below the standards I hold for myself.
I am not running the race well, I can barely walk it.
It is not that the ground is too full of rocks, but rather that I have tried to step on the needles and lava, the deathly things that lie outside the path so long that I have maimed my feet.
They no longer know how to walk.
They are scarred, broken, bleeding.

So again I turn to You, the giver of all grace. To heal my brokenness, as only You can do.
To fix what I have messed up.
To clean the spots away, that I may run the race in a way in which reflects a desire for the prize.
You are good and faithful.
You are righteous and true
In You is justice, yet mercy.
In You in the way of life.

So Lord, I ask of You again, please grab my hand and teach me how to walk, and then run, the path You have set before me.
Teach these stumbling legs the sturdiness of Your strength.
Allow these searching and hurting feet to find the firm way beneath them.

Lord, ever so faithful. I thank You.
You have pulled me from the fire, bandaged my wounds
and led me back to the track, pointed me in the right direction, and then held out Your hand to teach me to walk, that I might one day be able to run the race for You. For Your glory.
You are wonderful and I undeserving
You are merciful, gracious and I gladly receive the gifts of Your hand and Your majesty.

Lord, thank You
with love, to LOVE. Amen.

When I crumble

Why is it that every time I see you, I crumble.
It doesn't matter how long I have been preparing myself, how far in advance I know, how many prep talks I give my heart/emotions, I still crumble.

Am I a sand castle built on the rock?
I know that the root of my foundation will not be moved. Christ is my rock, and He is consistent, He is faithful.

It is true I do not weep for as long. Nor does the longing and thoughts persist as harshly and predominately as before. Yet they return, with power they return, though I hope and think that power is slowly weakening.

Yet you, with all the memories attached, return to me.
But, would I rather never see your face? Have you disappear without a trace?
Would I rather run away and never have to face the day in which you would return.
Do I not want to give you that hug, the one we used to share so readily that now must be received with hesitation and confusion?

No, my answer is still the same.
Regardless of the pain
I want to see your face again, I want to talk about your plans
I want to know what is in your life, I want to make it through this strife.

I think that in the end we'll see, that God really has a plan for you and me.

We might not be together,we might have to part.

But trust me when I tell you,
You were my first love.
And always will be.

I cannot change this fact,
no matter how much the desire or lack thereof.

But I know this, I will thank the God above
He has taught me what is love
He will teach me how to wait
how to find the right way
which I pray
I will be able to see

In the end
God knows the plan
everything in my life
is in His hand.

What comfort this thought
through all the hard times
to know that God
has me on His mind.

I thank you Lord,
for Your faithfulness
and know that in You
lies eternal bliss.

I run to You
for You are truth

May I get lost in Your wondrous grace
for my true desire is to see Your face.

Teach me what I need to know
For my heart still aches for the past I cannot change
Yet I desire to embrace the future You have for me
Oh dear Lord, please hear my plea.


God, I need You. OH so much more than I even know, or can express. Yet You know my heart, my needs, everything.
Heal me Lord, from the inside out.
With love, to Love
Amen