Some days are easier than others. On the harder days its important to realize that God is still in control, He is love, and He is good all the time.
Lord, thank You for being faithful, even when my emotions refuse to cooperate.
With love, to Love. Amen
Friday, July 23, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
God's grace, even in small things
This morning on the way to go blueberry picking for my very special and beautiful niece, I heard a song on the radio I'd never heard before.
This is how the chorus goes:
"When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking, I never leave Your hands"
Who would have known I would need those words for a very frustrating and hurtful conversation that would take place later? God did.
During this conversation (which happened over text messages as prompted by the other person involved) I got so upset I simply had to leave the house. I dropped my phone on the table, and walked outside. While walking back and forth around the yard I remembered this song, and began to sing it. Although those were the only words I could remember, they spoke so directly into the situation I was in that it was incredibly helpful.
God uses even the little things in our lives to remind us He is always there and its about Him and His love anyways.
Lord, thank You for that reminder. You know as well as I that my mind can easily run away with my frustrations and make a situation so much more complicated. Thank You for stopping/interrupting those thoughts to bring me this truth "When my world is shaking, Your love stand. And when my heart is breaking, I never leave Your hands". Thank You so much, my Lord, Savior, Friend.
With love, to Love. Amen.
This is how the chorus goes:
"When my world is shaking, heaven stands
When my heart is breaking, I never leave Your hands"
Who would have known I would need those words for a very frustrating and hurtful conversation that would take place later? God did.
During this conversation (which happened over text messages as prompted by the other person involved) I got so upset I simply had to leave the house. I dropped my phone on the table, and walked outside. While walking back and forth around the yard I remembered this song, and began to sing it. Although those were the only words I could remember, they spoke so directly into the situation I was in that it was incredibly helpful.
God uses even the little things in our lives to remind us He is always there and its about Him and His love anyways.
Lord, thank You for that reminder. You know as well as I that my mind can easily run away with my frustrations and make a situation so much more complicated. Thank You for stopping/interrupting those thoughts to bring me this truth "When my world is shaking, Your love stand. And when my heart is breaking, I never leave Your hands". Thank You so much, my Lord, Savior, Friend.
With love, to Love. Amen.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
The Hardest part...
Is surprisingly not the missing him, though there is a good bit of that still, but rather how distressed he looks whenever I am around.
The first time I have seen him smile in over 3 weeks was when he got a text message today, and was shaking his head and smiling about it as he replied. Other than that, I have not seen him look happy. I have seen him look miserable. I hate that I am part of the cause of that. I know its not just me, because that would just be ridiculous.
If it were just me, I think he would behave much like I do, since he cannot possibly miss our friendship more than I do. The same amount, I do believe so. But not more by any means, because I miss, and would be willing to be just his friend.
To be honest that's only the extent that I want. I simply want to be friends. I miss his friendship and just being able to laugh and talk with him.
Honestly I know I am not ready for any other kind of relationship right now. I have no idea what the future will hold, but I know God has a plan for it. (Jeremiah 29:11).
Dear Father, I know You have what is best in store for both him and me, I simply pray that You will help us both hold on to Your joy in everyday things. Lord, I pray that You help him learn to smile around me again, or something like that. Help me to focus on You, Your love, Your plans, Your purpose. Empty me of myself and help me only to cling to You. I know I haven't come anywhere near that Lord, I pray that You help me.
Please give both of us Your joy.
Make him happy again.
Your plans are greater.
To Love, with love, amen.
The first time I have seen him smile in over 3 weeks was when he got a text message today, and was shaking his head and smiling about it as he replied. Other than that, I have not seen him look happy. I have seen him look miserable. I hate that I am part of the cause of that. I know its not just me, because that would just be ridiculous.
If it were just me, I think he would behave much like I do, since he cannot possibly miss our friendship more than I do. The same amount, I do believe so. But not more by any means, because I miss, and would be willing to be just his friend.
To be honest that's only the extent that I want. I simply want to be friends. I miss his friendship and just being able to laugh and talk with him.
Honestly I know I am not ready for any other kind of relationship right now. I have no idea what the future will hold, but I know God has a plan for it. (Jeremiah 29:11).
Dear Father, I know You have what is best in store for both him and me, I simply pray that You will help us both hold on to Your joy in everyday things. Lord, I pray that You help him learn to smile around me again, or something like that. Help me to focus on You, Your love, Your plans, Your purpose. Empty me of myself and help me only to cling to You. I know I haven't come anywhere near that Lord, I pray that You help me.
Please give both of us Your joy.
Make him happy again.
Your plans are greater.
To Love, with love, amen.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Selah, what a gorgeous name.
I cannot believe my little niece has just turned 5!
It makes me realize how I really am getting older.
When she was born I was getting ready to start high school, and now I am about to be a sophomore in college. Although I do realize that is still very young, it makes me see that as I watch Selah grow up, I have to as well. Learning how to do that in a Godly manner is more easily said than done. But I am blessed to be in a family who will continually point me back to God in any situation. A family who refuses to let me go and continues to push me on, not harshly, but knowing and lovingly. A family I will greatly miss when I once again have to go back up to College Station.
But Lord, You know best. And although I have no clue why I should go back up there, unless I feel called to go somewhere else or do something else, I will try to see the good in the situation You have allowed/put me in. Help me to be glorifying to You in all circumstances. Be it as the Lord wills.
I love You and thank You for my nieces, and nephew. They are precious. I am grateful You have put them in my life.
With love, to Love. Amen.
It makes me realize how I really am getting older.
When she was born I was getting ready to start high school, and now I am about to be a sophomore in college. Although I do realize that is still very young, it makes me see that as I watch Selah grow up, I have to as well. Learning how to do that in a Godly manner is more easily said than done. But I am blessed to be in a family who will continually point me back to God in any situation. A family who refuses to let me go and continues to push me on, not harshly, but knowing and lovingly. A family I will greatly miss when I once again have to go back up to College Station.
But Lord, You know best. And although I have no clue why I should go back up there, unless I feel called to go somewhere else or do something else, I will try to see the good in the situation You have allowed/put me in. Help me to be glorifying to You in all circumstances. Be it as the Lord wills.
I love You and thank You for my nieces, and nephew. They are precious. I am grateful You have put them in my life.
With love, to Love. Amen.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Looking back...."really?" sigh.
Aren't you supposed to mature and get better at things when you get older?
If this is the case, I feel as if I am missing out on something.
In thinking over my life in the last few years, I feel as if I have backtrack, I feel as if I must have been more mature at 17 or 18 than I am now....or maybe the same amount, it just seemed different because I was younger. But have I really changed? Grown at all? Am I any different?
I think I can say yes to two of those...but I don't think I like the answer to either. Changed? I think I have, but not for the better. I think I have become more selfish, more self-centered, make dumber choices, more easily frustrated. I have hurt those around me, am more argumentative with those I love. This is how I feel I have changed...and I hate it. I don't want to be a person that as the get older they isolate the people they love, that is so unpleasant no one wants to be around.
Which is why I think I can answer the "am I different", I think I am, in no way that I want to be different for all of the above reasons.
Have I grown at all? To be honest, I'm not sure that I have....and it scares me... a lot. It makes me a lukewarm, dead branch, unsalty, hidden lamp...everything we, as Christians, are supposed to be the opposite of, are called to be the opposite of.
These last few days I have been trying to figure this out, and well that is the conclusion I came to, and I really don't like it at all.
Lord, I need You to help me. I don't even know how. I just don't want to be like this, its not who You have called me to be, though I have no idea what that is. Help me to desire You, love You, live for You, because I don't even know how to begin.
Help me Lord, because I know I can't even begin to help myself.
In Your name, Amen.
If this is the case, I feel as if I am missing out on something.
In thinking over my life in the last few years, I feel as if I have backtrack, I feel as if I must have been more mature at 17 or 18 than I am now....or maybe the same amount, it just seemed different because I was younger. But have I really changed? Grown at all? Am I any different?
I think I can say yes to two of those...but I don't think I like the answer to either. Changed? I think I have, but not for the better. I think I have become more selfish, more self-centered, make dumber choices, more easily frustrated. I have hurt those around me, am more argumentative with those I love. This is how I feel I have changed...and I hate it. I don't want to be a person that as the get older they isolate the people they love, that is so unpleasant no one wants to be around.
Which is why I think I can answer the "am I different", I think I am, in no way that I want to be different for all of the above reasons.
Have I grown at all? To be honest, I'm not sure that I have....and it scares me... a lot. It makes me a lukewarm, dead branch, unsalty, hidden lamp...everything we, as Christians, are supposed to be the opposite of, are called to be the opposite of.
These last few days I have been trying to figure this out, and well that is the conclusion I came to, and I really don't like it at all.
Lord, I need You to help me. I don't even know how. I just don't want to be like this, its not who You have called me to be, though I have no idea what that is. Help me to desire You, love You, live for You, because I don't even know how to begin.
Help me Lord, because I know I can't even begin to help myself.
In Your name, Amen.
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