Heart of mine, why do you keep speaking lies into my life. Why do I not shut you up? How can I?
Please stop saying these things, I cannot bear them, you know my greatest weakness and continue to exploit it. Please give me a break. I will not listen to your lies. I turn from you. I turn my face to Truth.
Lord helps me listen to You over the commotion of my heart. It speaks to me in a language unclear and yet powerfully painful. Help me to hear and trust in Your simple truth. Your love and Peace, Grace and Mercy. Help me to listen to You Lord, turn my face, ears, and eyes to You.
I do not know the full source of this current pain, it keeps coming back in waves. This sea is drowning me...so I will stand on the firm rock of my Lord. He is my sustainer. He will help me stand.
Where do these tears come from? Why are they so persistent down my face?
Please replace my sorrow with laughter as You turn my ear to the truth. I am supposed to find joy even in suffering. Be that joy oh Lord, in my life.
Keep this pain at bay...no, Lord take this pain away....unless it is somehow for Your glory and then help me to rejoice in You always, at all times, in all things.
Help me Lord.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
A list of Thanfulness
Every morning I'm going to try to think of five things that I am grateful for:
1. Blankets
2. Alarms
3. Bobby pins
4. Fan/white noise
5. My roommate (its her birthday, and she and I get along well...I've heard horror stories from other people, so i'm really thankful for her)
6. Beds
7. Clean water
8. Chocolate
9. Flowers
10. Not being late to class even when I wake up late.
11. Sleeping in on Saturdays
12. Inside jokes between friends.
13. A simple kind word
14. The funny things Selah says
15. Ice cream
16. Freedom to praise the Lord.
17. That my sister goes to the same college as me.
18. My older sister Elise! (today is her birthday)
19. Being able to open up to others without fear of being looked down on
20. Ability to walk.
21. Feeling safe
22. Peace
23. Long conversations with good friends
24. Mexican food
25. Jackets
1. Blankets
2. Alarms
3. Bobby pins
4. Fan/white noise
5. My roommate (its her birthday, and she and I get along well...I've heard horror stories from other people, so i'm really thankful for her)
6. Beds
7. Clean water
8. Chocolate
9. Flowers
10. Not being late to class even when I wake up late.
11. Sleeping in on Saturdays
12. Inside jokes between friends.
13. A simple kind word
14. The funny things Selah says
15. Ice cream
16. Freedom to praise the Lord.
17. That my sister goes to the same college as me.
18. My older sister Elise! (today is her birthday)
19. Being able to open up to others without fear of being looked down on
20. Ability to walk.
21. Feeling safe
22. Peace
23. Long conversations with good friends
24. Mexican food
25. Jackets
26.Snow in texas
27. Grace and mercy
28. Time to relax
29. My niece Alexa, who is so fat and cute!
30. My sister Aleya and her beautiful poetry.
31. Gloves
32. Babies' Laughter
33. Backpacks
34. Laptops
35. warm socks
36. Sunshine
37. little acts of kindness that make a big difference
38. sweatpants
39. the feeling of springtime
40. Hope
41. Spoons (a frozen yogurt place that's really good)
42. Moments of joy through difficult times
43. That's its the Holy Spirit who draws people to Himself, and our job is just to follow Him
44. Bibles/the written word of God/that I am able to read it
45. Two hands, with all 10 fingers.
46. Sleepovers with my little sister
47. Brownies late at night
48. Watching movies with friends
49. Afternoon naps
50. Durable shoes.
51. Church
52. Love
53. God speaking to a really close friend of mine.
54. God's faithfulness
55. Electricity
56. God's never ending love for His children
57. Naps in general
58. Not needing glasses
59. ability to read and write
60. Worships songs
61.The internet
62. notebooks/paper
63. Letters from my sister
64. Ipods/music
65. Hearts
66. People bringing you orange juice when you are sick
67. Prayers
68. Hot showers
69. Childhood memories
70. Good friends who last.
71. Beautiful weather
72. Vitamin C
73. People who sing loudly just because they are having fun
74. Crackers and soup
75. Being able to hold tight to the ones I love.
76. A full night of sleep
77. Washers and Dryers
78. Puppies
79. Megan! and her willingness to help me be more thankful =)
80. That there is only 1 week until spring break.
81. Ultimate Frisbee with friends
82. Aleo vera
83. double stuffed oreos
84. random conversations
85. goofy friends
86. Breakfast
87. Little Rascals
88. That the Bible is reliable and one of God's ways of speaking to us
89. Friends who come to visit
90. The ability to love
91. Air, the ability to breathe without a machine
92. Time, that it is all in God's hands
93. Pajama pants
94. Hope and Assurance in the Lord.
95. C.S. Lewis
96. My mom
97. That my phone can withstand being dropped numerous times
98. That my sister has a car/way to get to the store when I'm out of food
99. Forgiveness
100. Pictures
101. Encouragement from friends and family
102. Being able to be there for people because God has been there for me
103. Headphones to block out unnecessary noise
104. Bread
105. being sent random pictures of my nieces.
106. That I have a niece and a nephew on the way.
107. Long conversations with really good friends
108. Seeing God works in the lives around me
109. Knowing there is a future for me, even though I have no idea what it is
110. Energy when there is no reasonable explanation why I should still have some. =)
111. Eating Gummy bears with friends
112. My friend Victor
113. Having a bible study group with girls who actually care
114. Scissors
115. That spring break has officially begun.
116. Relaxation
117. Beautiful Beaches
118. Dinoflagellate
119. Clear Water
120. Being out of the car after 10 hours car rides.
121. Time to relax without interruption
122. Sleeping in/catching up on sleep
123. Being with family
124. Singing loudly random songs that pop in your head with good friends
125. Bible studies and learning what God is doing in other's lives.
126. Cars
127. Talking with my older brothers
128. My grandma
129. Alexa sucking on her bottom lip...its so funny looking
130. Hope, I can't seem to do without it even if I don't always feel it.
131.Wind and sunshine
132.colorful umbrellas
133.that my ipod is working again
134. the dimple on alexa's face when she smiles really big
135. that we are never alone.
136. PB&J with milk
137. Chapstick
138. Notebooks/journals
139. Breakaway
140. My sister Shannon
141. Each day starts new
142. Good Raw Milk
143. That my ipod started working again
144. Next year I get to live in a dorm with a kitchen
145. That my Global Social Trends class is canceled tomorrow.
146. Good books
147. My colorful umbrella
148. Long-sleeved shirts
149. Cashews and crackers
150. My best friend, and developing other friendships.
151. My two sisters in law, Amanda and Melissa
152. Running/exercising
153. Anne
154. Isis
155. Belts
156. Playing sports with friends
157. Weekends
158.My cousin Carli
159. That God never gives up on us.
160. Flip Flops.
216. Tennis shoes
217. Socks
218. My oldest brother Joel
219. oranges
220. Phone Chargers.
221. Sunshine
222. Big white fluffy clouds
223. the people who work to keep the A&M campus so pretty
224. Varnadore
225. The location of the Earth in regards to the sun.
226. Shade
227. The sun
228. Tomato Soup
229. Playing Basketball with guys who actually pass you the ball
230. tweezers.
231. The song "On Christ the Solid Rock I stand"
232. Worship songs in general
233. Candy on sale
234. Hanging out with friends
235. Making homemade pizza.
236. Shannon's patience while working on her drawings
237. Being down with my tests for today
238. That the end of the school year is near, I think only about 30 days left
239. People who point me back to God
240. Earrings
241. Michelle's willingness to help me with schoolwork
242. Calculators
243. Apples
244. BBQ sauce
245. Parents who are always there for me
246. Chicken
247. getting out of class early
248. rides to get books I need for class
249. a semi-clean room (as clean as I can get in the the space that I have, haha)
250. Conditioner
251. Breakaway ministries
252. That I haven't had to go through physical endangerment that a lot of people in other counties face.
253. My mom and her comforting words
254. Breathing
255. Green and blue
256. Weekends
257. Friends in general
258. Family
259. Jane Austin
260. Mirrors
261. Sound of rain
262. Birds chirping
263. Amanda's baby shower
264. Talks with the girls in my family
265. swings
266. Throat drops
267. older brothers
268. Alexa's chubbiness
269. water bottles
270. only 3 more weeks of classes.
271. Turkey Sandwiches
272. My mom always being there for me
273. "Naked" juice drinks (they are really good)
274. Sunshine!
275. Extra sleep, and getting well.
276. Pencils
277. That I do not have a chronic or serious illness (That I am healthy)
278. Songs of praise
279. My rag doll that my grandmother made me when I was little
280. Soap
281. My white flats
282. patched jeans
283. that my phone still works, even though its partly broken
284. Pizza
285. Pineapple
286. Random sayings of little kids
287. People in my class group who are actually willing to work on the project.
288. That my mom can fix almost anything
289. That my dad is good at math and can (possibly) help me over the summer with my classes, haha
290. Sharpies
291. Sleeping late
292.Salads
293. Cherry Tomatoes
294. That its getting warm outside!
295. Being able to communicate with people quick and easily (either via facebook, cellphone, etc)
296. Boxes/containers
297. Cutlery
298. Concealer
299. A ride home at the end of the school year
300. Pandora radio.
301. Scissors
302. Rulers
303. Planners
304. Spanish Dictionaries
305. Beautiful weather.
306. Pancakes
307. Hanging out with michelle
308. Burritos
309. Avocados
310.That I got out of English class early today. =)
311. Stephen
312. Only a week left of regular classes
313. Lotion
314. Sunglasses
315. piggy banks.
316.That Eva Grace is on her way
317. My sister keeps me updated
318. My brother Jeremy
319. Email
320. pass/fail classes
321. My SIL (sister in law) Amanda, and that you got through the labor ok.
322. God's protection
323. Baby Eva Grace!
324. Jeremy being a proud new dad.
325. My parents, especially my mom giving life to me. =) (and well God of course for that too)
326. raisins
327. stud earrings
328.sticky notes
329. one of my classes being canceled next tuesday.
330. A place to go home to.
331. Almost a week to study for finals
332. Review sheets
333. computers and printers
334. that I don't live during ww2 ww1 or the cold war.
335. Skirts (and that I'm a girl and can therefor wear them without getting weird looks, haha)
336. That my team project is going well
337. Limes
338. Dental floss
339. God's forgiveness
340. Song's of praise and worship. Specifically the song "In the Secret"
341. Open washers and dryers (not having to wait)
342. getting a whole night of sleep
343. that I only have one regular class left in the semester
344. Getting to go see my niece today
345. Towels and rags.
346. Being home for a few days
347. Beautiful trees
348. Eva Grace, and how funny it is that she looks almost exactly like Jeremy's baby pictures
349. A place to write out my thoughts
350. A tiny bit of time to relax a bit before finals
351. My mom's help
352. Time to study
353. only for tests/finals to go until I am done with my freshman year
354. Hope for this summer
355. Pictures of my nieces.
356. Two finals down, and just two to go
357. Studying with my sister.
358. The feeling of packing up to go home
359. Throwing away old notes
360. Fun times laughing with friends.
361. That I only have one more final until I am done with my freshman year
362. Friends who can drive me home
363. Naps after 8 am finals
364. Waking up and immediately thinking of a worship song instead of what I have to do that day
365. Jackets in the summer...for when you walk into buildings that are set to what feels like 50 or 60 degrees.
366. Being done with finals!
367. that my last final took only 18 minutes
368. being almost completely packed
369. Getting to go home to see my family
370. God's love and it being manifested through family and friends.
371. Love
372. Hope in the face of some difficult times
373. Being with family
374. Sleep, after a few sleepless nights
375. Trees, and the shade they provide.
376. Being able to go to Michelle's graduation
377. Alexa's laugh!
378. My grandma and grandmary
379. Naps, after not being able to sleep in the car
380. Homemade meals.
381. Thunderstorms
382. Trucks
383. Being around old friends again!
384. Getting to go back my home church
385. Selah's artistic creations.
386. My home church/Pastor Black
387. Mrs Black
388. My best friend
389. Elise and all her advice
390. Shopping/running errands with my mom.
391. Life
392. Playing games with Selah
393. the way alexa sucks on her bottom lip
394. Homemade chili
395. Homemade cornbread with either molasses or maple syrup
396. Helpful people (meaning people who just want to help in anyway they can)
397. Central Market
398. Being able to help
399. Pillows!
400. phone and laptop chargers
401. good talks with the best friend
402. Sitting outside with my niece, alexa
403. Swimming late at night.
404. hot tubes after swimming in chilly water
405. God is always with us, even when we can't feel or hear Him
406. Baking
407. The sounds of being home (its so different than in a dorm room)
408. Playing with blocks with Selah
409. That I grew up in a christian family
410. Warmth
411. Jason's salt water fish tanks
412. Being able to sleep at night
413. God healing places in my heart
414. the Verse Jeremiah 29:11, and Psalms 118
415. Duct Tape
416. Bridal shower for my cousin
417. nice cameras
418. celebration of graduations
419. sunflowers
420. alexa learning to stand on her own. =)
421. My best friend
422. Alexa crawling funny in the grass because she doesn't like the way the grass feels
423. Finally getting everything registered and done for the summer classes
424. Windows
425. Coffee
426. Having a big family
427. Banana bread
428. Good raw milk
429. Paul's example for us in the Bible
430.Alexa in her pink hat!
431. Freedom
432. Water Bottles
433. The crisis pregnancy center
434. Babies
435. Fly swatters.
436.Days of rest and focus
437. My niece learning to read
438. That my other nieces fever broke
439. Sun and shade at the same time
440. Friend's graduations.
441. Light showers
442. Clouds
443. Beautiful sunsets
444. Jasmine
445. the smell of Vanilla.
446. not getting sunburned
447. Children's joy about small things
448. Peace that only God can give
449. Babies falling asleep on you
450. Organic pizza that my mom bought.
451. Spending time with My brother and sister in law
452. Spending time with Elise, mi hermana
453. Babies...the movie
454. That I live in America, even with all its faults
455. Parks.
456. bird's singing/chirping
457. Alexa standing by herself
458. Easy access to fresh clean water
459. The very weird things Selah says and does, they make me smile.
460.baby talk.
461. Spending time with my mom
462. Elise reading stories to Selah
463. Long Long naps for no reason
464. Sense and Sensibility
465. How green everything is right now.
27. Grace and mercy
28. Time to relax
29. My niece Alexa, who is so fat and cute!
30. My sister Aleya and her beautiful poetry.
31. Gloves
32. Babies' Laughter
33. Backpacks
34. Laptops
35. warm socks
36. Sunshine
37. little acts of kindness that make a big difference
38. sweatpants
39. the feeling of springtime
40. Hope
41. Spoons (a frozen yogurt place that's really good)
42. Moments of joy through difficult times
43. That's its the Holy Spirit who draws people to Himself, and our job is just to follow Him
44. Bibles/the written word of God/that I am able to read it
45. Two hands, with all 10 fingers.
46. Sleepovers with my little sister
47. Brownies late at night
48. Watching movies with friends
49. Afternoon naps
50. Durable shoes.
51. Church
52. Love
53. God speaking to a really close friend of mine.
54. God's faithfulness
55. Electricity
56. God's never ending love for His children
57. Naps in general
58. Not needing glasses
59. ability to read and write
60. Worships songs
61.The internet
62. notebooks/paper
63. Letters from my sister
64. Ipods/music
65. Hearts
66. People bringing you orange juice when you are sick
67. Prayers
68. Hot showers
69. Childhood memories
70. Good friends who last.
71. Beautiful weather
72. Vitamin C
73. People who sing loudly just because they are having fun
74. Crackers and soup
75. Being able to hold tight to the ones I love.
76. A full night of sleep
77. Washers and Dryers
78. Puppies
79. Megan! and her willingness to help me be more thankful =)
80. That there is only 1 week until spring break.
81. Ultimate Frisbee with friends
82. Aleo vera
83. double stuffed oreos
84. random conversations
85. goofy friends
86. Breakfast
87. Little Rascals
88. That the Bible is reliable and one of God's ways of speaking to us
89. Friends who come to visit
90. The ability to love
91. Air, the ability to breathe without a machine
92. Time, that it is all in God's hands
93. Pajama pants
94. Hope and Assurance in the Lord.
95. C.S. Lewis
96. My mom
97. That my phone can withstand being dropped numerous times
98. That my sister has a car/way to get to the store when I'm out of food
99. Forgiveness
100. Pictures
101. Encouragement from friends and family
102. Being able to be there for people because God has been there for me
103. Headphones to block out unnecessary noise
104. Bread
105. being sent random pictures of my nieces.
106. That I have a niece and a nephew on the way.
107. Long conversations with really good friends
108. Seeing God works in the lives around me
109. Knowing there is a future for me, even though I have no idea what it is
110. Energy when there is no reasonable explanation why I should still have some. =)
111. Eating Gummy bears with friends
112. My friend Victor
113. Having a bible study group with girls who actually care
114. Scissors
115. That spring break has officially begun.
116. Relaxation
117. Beautiful Beaches
118. Dinoflagellate
119. Clear Water
120. Being out of the car after 10 hours car rides.
121. Time to relax without interruption
122. Sleeping in/catching up on sleep
123. Being with family
124. Singing loudly random songs that pop in your head with good friends
125. Bible studies and learning what God is doing in other's lives.
126. Cars
127. Talking with my older brothers
128. My grandma
129. Alexa sucking on her bottom lip...its so funny looking
130. Hope, I can't seem to do without it even if I don't always feel it.
131.Wind and sunshine
132.colorful umbrellas
133.that my ipod is working again
134. the dimple on alexa's face when she smiles really big
135. that we are never alone.
136. PB&J with milk
137. Chapstick
138. Notebooks/journals
139. Breakaway
140. My sister Shannon
141. Each day starts new
142. Good Raw Milk
143. That my ipod started working again
144. Next year I get to live in a dorm with a kitchen
145. That my Global Social Trends class is canceled tomorrow.
146. Good books
147. My colorful umbrella
148. Long-sleeved shirts
149. Cashews and crackers
150. My best friend, and developing other friendships.
151. My two sisters in law, Amanda and Melissa
152. Running/exercising
153. Anne
154. Isis
155. Belts
156. Playing sports with friends
157. Weekends
158.My cousin Carli
159. That God never gives up on us.
160. Flip Flops.
161. A ride to church
162. Great nice warm weather
163. Playing capture the flag with friends
164. My home church, Alliance Bible.
165. Grace Bible church.
166.The Lifehouse "everything" skit
167. That my sister is an RA, and therefore has access to a kitchen
168. The Psalms.
169. Tomato soup
170. Things to look forward too.
171. Seeing God speak into people's lives
172. His strength when I have none
173. A ting of hope while feeling hopeless
174. Friends who stick by you
175. Grass, trees, flowers and clouds.
176. Being able to worship God without being afraid for my life
177. the feeling after being done with a test.
178. Food, in general
179. My mom's willingness to help
180. Reminders of the important things in life.
181. Plates
182. Refrigerators
183. Pineapple
184. Strawberries
185. Toothpaste
186. 3 day weekends
187. My mom and dad
188. Alexa's smile
189. Selah's sayings
190. Aleya's dreams
191. Family
192. Basketball games
193. random conversations
194. bananas/potassium
195. Blogs/a place to think out loud.
196. Easter- reminder of what He did for us
197. Family
198. good food
199. a clean house
200. giggling.
201. Being able to pray and ask God for help at any moment of the day
202. A light breeze on a warm day
203. Earrings
204. My aTm necklace that I got for my birthday
205. Having so many things to be thankful for.
206. Getting out of tests early
207. People being willing to proofread my papers
208. Athletic shorts
209. the goofy things my family does
210. Cheddar cheese.
211.A place to go home to
212. People who love me
213. Playing sand volleyball-( it hurts less than diving on a court)
214. That I don't have to live in constant fear (our Country is very safe compared to most)
215. Strawberries
162. Great nice warm weather
163. Playing capture the flag with friends
164. My home church, Alliance Bible.
165. Grace Bible church.
166.The Lifehouse "everything" skit
167. That my sister is an RA, and therefore has access to a kitchen
168. The Psalms.
169. Tomato soup
170. Things to look forward too.
171. Seeing God speak into people's lives
172. His strength when I have none
173. A ting of hope while feeling hopeless
174. Friends who stick by you
175. Grass, trees, flowers and clouds.
176. Being able to worship God without being afraid for my life
177. the feeling after being done with a test.
178. Food, in general
179. My mom's willingness to help
180. Reminders of the important things in life.
181. Plates
182. Refrigerators
183. Pineapple
184. Strawberries
185. Toothpaste
186. 3 day weekends
187. My mom and dad
188. Alexa's smile
189. Selah's sayings
190. Aleya's dreams
191. Family
192. Basketball games
193. random conversations
194. bananas/potassium
195. Blogs/a place to think out loud.
196. Easter- reminder of what He did for us
197. Family
198. good food
199. a clean house
200. giggling.
201. Being able to pray and ask God for help at any moment of the day
202. A light breeze on a warm day
203. Earrings
204. My aTm necklace that I got for my birthday
205. Having so many things to be thankful for.
206. Getting out of tests early
207. People being willing to proofread my papers
208. Athletic shorts
209. the goofy things my family does
210. Cheddar cheese.
211.A place to go home to
212. People who love me
213. Playing sand volleyball-( it hurts less than diving on a court)
214. That I don't have to live in constant fear (our Country is very safe compared to most)
215. Strawberries
217. Socks
218. My oldest brother Joel
219. oranges
220. Phone Chargers.
221. Sunshine
222. Big white fluffy clouds
223. the people who work to keep the A&M campus so pretty
224. Varnadore
225. The location of the Earth in regards to the sun.
226. Shade
227. The sun
228. Tomato Soup
229. Playing Basketball with guys who actually pass you the ball
230. tweezers.
231. The song "On Christ the Solid Rock I stand"
232. Worship songs in general
233. Candy on sale
234. Hanging out with friends
235. Making homemade pizza.
236. Shannon's patience while working on her drawings
237. Being down with my tests for today
238. That the end of the school year is near, I think only about 30 days left
239. People who point me back to God
240. Earrings
241. Michelle's willingness to help me with schoolwork
242. Calculators
243. Apples
244. BBQ sauce
245. Parents who are always there for me
246. Chicken
247. getting out of class early
248. rides to get books I need for class
249. a semi-clean room (as clean as I can get in the the space that I have, haha)
250. Conditioner
251. Breakaway ministries
252. That I haven't had to go through physical endangerment that a lot of people in other counties face.
253. My mom and her comforting words
254. Breathing
255. Green and blue
256. Weekends
257. Friends in general
258. Family
259. Jane Austin
260. Mirrors
261. Sound of rain
262. Birds chirping
263. Amanda's baby shower
264. Talks with the girls in my family
265. swings
266. Throat drops
267. older brothers
268. Alexa's chubbiness
269. water bottles
270. only 3 more weeks of classes.
271. Turkey Sandwiches
272. My mom always being there for me
273. "Naked" juice drinks (they are really good)
274. Sunshine!
275. Extra sleep, and getting well.
276. Pencils
277. That I do not have a chronic or serious illness (That I am healthy)
278. Songs of praise
279. My rag doll that my grandmother made me when I was little
280. Soap
281. My white flats
282. patched jeans
283. that my phone still works, even though its partly broken
284. Pizza
285. Pineapple
286. Random sayings of little kids
287. People in my class group who are actually willing to work on the project.
288. That my mom can fix almost anything
289. That my dad is good at math and can (possibly) help me over the summer with my classes, haha
290. Sharpies
291. Sleeping late
292.Salads
293. Cherry Tomatoes
294. That its getting warm outside!
295. Being able to communicate with people quick and easily (either via facebook, cellphone, etc)
296. Boxes/containers
297. Cutlery
298. Concealer
299. A ride home at the end of the school year
300. Pandora radio.
301. Scissors
302. Rulers
303. Planners
304. Spanish Dictionaries
305. Beautiful weather.
306. Pancakes
307. Hanging out with michelle
308. Burritos
309. Avocados
310.That I got out of English class early today. =)
311. Stephen
312. Only a week left of regular classes
313. Lotion
314. Sunglasses
315. piggy banks.
316.That Eva Grace is on her way
317. My sister keeps me updated
318. My brother Jeremy
319. Email
320. pass/fail classes
321. My SIL (sister in law) Amanda, and that you got through the labor ok.
322. God's protection
323. Baby Eva Grace!
324. Jeremy being a proud new dad.
325. My parents, especially my mom giving life to me. =) (and well God of course for that too)
326. raisins
327. stud earrings
328.sticky notes
329. one of my classes being canceled next tuesday.
330. A place to go home to.
331. Almost a week to study for finals
332. Review sheets
333. computers and printers
334. that I don't live during ww2 ww1 or the cold war.
335. Skirts (and that I'm a girl and can therefor wear them without getting weird looks, haha)
336. That my team project is going well
337. Limes
338. Dental floss
339. God's forgiveness
340. Song's of praise and worship. Specifically the song "In the Secret"
341. Open washers and dryers (not having to wait)
342. getting a whole night of sleep
343. that I only have one regular class left in the semester
344. Getting to go see my niece today
345. Towels and rags.
346. Being home for a few days
347. Beautiful trees
348. Eva Grace, and how funny it is that she looks almost exactly like Jeremy's baby pictures
349. A place to write out my thoughts
350. A tiny bit of time to relax a bit before finals
351. My mom's help
352. Time to study
353. only for tests/finals to go until I am done with my freshman year
354. Hope for this summer
355. Pictures of my nieces.
356. Two finals down, and just two to go
357. Studying with my sister.
358. The feeling of packing up to go home
359. Throwing away old notes
360. Fun times laughing with friends.
361. That I only have one more final until I am done with my freshman year
362. Friends who can drive me home
363. Naps after 8 am finals
364. Waking up and immediately thinking of a worship song instead of what I have to do that day
365. Jackets in the summer...for when you walk into buildings that are set to what feels like 50 or 60 degrees.
366. Being done with finals!
367. that my last final took only 18 minutes
368. being almost completely packed
369. Getting to go home to see my family
370. God's love and it being manifested through family and friends.
371. Love
372. Hope in the face of some difficult times
373. Being with family
374. Sleep, after a few sleepless nights
375. Trees, and the shade they provide.
376. Being able to go to Michelle's graduation
377. Alexa's laugh!
378. My grandma and grandmary
379. Naps, after not being able to sleep in the car
380. Homemade meals.
381. Thunderstorms
382. Trucks
383. Being around old friends again!
384. Getting to go back my home church
385. Selah's artistic creations.
386. My home church/Pastor Black
387. Mrs Black
388. My best friend
389. Elise and all her advice
390. Shopping/running errands with my mom.
391. Life
392. Playing games with Selah
393. the way alexa sucks on her bottom lip
394. Homemade chili
395. Homemade cornbread with either molasses or maple syrup
396. Helpful people (meaning people who just want to help in anyway they can)
397. Central Market
398. Being able to help
399. Pillows!
400. phone and laptop chargers
401. good talks with the best friend
402. Sitting outside with my niece, alexa
403. Swimming late at night.
404. hot tubes after swimming in chilly water
405. God is always with us, even when we can't feel or hear Him
406. Baking
407. The sounds of being home (its so different than in a dorm room)
408. Playing with blocks with Selah
409. That I grew up in a christian family
410. Warmth
411. Jason's salt water fish tanks
412. Being able to sleep at night
413. God healing places in my heart
414. the Verse Jeremiah 29:11, and Psalms 118
415. Duct Tape
416. Bridal shower for my cousin
417. nice cameras
418. celebration of graduations
419. sunflowers
420. alexa learning to stand on her own. =)
421. My best friend
422. Alexa crawling funny in the grass because she doesn't like the way the grass feels
423. Finally getting everything registered and done for the summer classes
424. Windows
425. Coffee
426. Having a big family
427. Banana bread
428. Good raw milk
429. Paul's example for us in the Bible
430.Alexa in her pink hat!
431. Freedom
432. Water Bottles
433. The crisis pregnancy center
434. Babies
435. Fly swatters.
436.Days of rest and focus
437. My niece learning to read
438. That my other nieces fever broke
439. Sun and shade at the same time
440. Friend's graduations.
441. Light showers
442. Clouds
443. Beautiful sunsets
444. Jasmine
445. the smell of Vanilla.
446. not getting sunburned
447. Children's joy about small things
448. Peace that only God can give
449. Babies falling asleep on you
450. Organic pizza that my mom bought.
451. Spending time with My brother and sister in law
452. Spending time with Elise, mi hermana
453. Babies...the movie
454. That I live in America, even with all its faults
455. Parks.
456. bird's singing/chirping
457. Alexa standing by herself
458. Easy access to fresh clean water
459. The very weird things Selah says and does, they make me smile.
460.baby talk.
461. Spending time with my mom
462. Elise reading stories to Selah
463. Long Long naps for no reason
464. Sense and Sensibility
465. How green everything is right now.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Spoiled
I am a spoiled brat in the playroom of America, surrounded by luxurious toys (cellphones, computers, etc). I do not have to worry about food or clean water, I am safe and secure. I am rich in comparison to the rest of the world. But I am not allowed "this". My infant mind cannot understand, I want "this" so give me "this".
Father says not now.
I throw a fit, flinging myself to the floor, I want "this".
No is the answer.
But...no....but...no...but...NO.
Father walks over, standing in front of me.
No, and stand up.
sulking I stand and walk to Him.
I know not to try the bribes, the I will be good if You give me this. He sees past that.
Sadly I say I want "this", though now without the temper, without the flailing.
He looks as me kindly and says no.
My childheart breaks at the declination of "this"
But a good Father knows he cannot give into a child who throws a tantrum, it will not benefit the child at all. A good father does what is best for his children. He says no when need be.
Will I ever get "this"?
"this" is not the problem, my reactions to the Father when He declines my wants is.
Maybe I will get "this" in the future. For now I need to rejoice in the blessing I do have.
Lord I want "this", You know my heart. I will not try to hide it from You. Please help me to not let "this' become more important than pleasing You and following Your law, accepting the no when it comes from You. Help me to give "this" over to You, oh Lord, my Savior and my God.
Father says not now.
I throw a fit, flinging myself to the floor, I want "this".
No is the answer.
But...no....but...no...but...NO.
Father walks over, standing in front of me.
No, and stand up.
sulking I stand and walk to Him.
I know not to try the bribes, the I will be good if You give me this. He sees past that.
Sadly I say I want "this", though now without the temper, without the flailing.
He looks as me kindly and says no.
My childheart breaks at the declination of "this"
But a good Father knows he cannot give into a child who throws a tantrum, it will not benefit the child at all. A good father does what is best for his children. He says no when need be.
Will I ever get "this"?
"this" is not the problem, my reactions to the Father when He declines my wants is.
Maybe I will get "this" in the future. For now I need to rejoice in the blessing I do have.
Lord I want "this", You know my heart. I will not try to hide it from You. Please help me to not let "this' become more important than pleasing You and following Your law, accepting the no when it comes from You. Help me to give "this" over to You, oh Lord, my Savior and my God.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Teach Me
February 10, 2010
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels... If I can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
I have received a lot of love from people lately. I've been struggling with things, and they have stepped in, spread their arms open to me. I want to be able to love others better. The only way this is achieved is through the Lord. He is love, He is true love. I need to beg the Lord to come into my life and overflow my cup with Him, so that I can share it with those around me. Without love, I am nothing. (Without God I am nothing) Teach me Your love oh Lord.
Love is patient-- This is really hard for me. I find it harder to be patient with the people I love and know really well than those whom I have just met. But in light of God, His patience towards me, as I slowly learn to move towards Him. He is so patient with me, guiding me, and continually loving me. I need to show others patience as my heavenly Father has shown me, even with all my continual faults and stumbling, He forever holds out His hand to me.
love is kind-- Caring for someone else. Putting their interests ahead of your own. Being considerate. Love is kind, it looks for what will bring another joy, true joy in light of the Lord.
It is gentle when necessary, and blunt when needed. Kindness does not mean telling someone the things they want to hear, which might bring temporary "happiness" but rather telling them the things they need to hear so that they can receive lasting joy. Sometimes being kind is just being willing to lend your ears.
It does not envy-- I have lately found myself being very envious of others. I want what they have, and am almost angry at some points that I do not have the same thing. I used to think envy was mostly in the form of physical objects, things, and I thought to myself, ah, it will be easy to avoid envy, because most of those things are really not significant. But envy takes more forms than that. I find myself being envious of others circumstances. But I realize that such a thing is ridiculous. I need to be joyful in the blessings that God has given others. For if one member of the body benefits and finds joy, the whole body benefits. I should find joy in the fact that God has chosen to bless others.
It does not boast, it is not proud-- What have we to boast in but the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. He is the one who gives us the ability to love. By boasting we can cause other people to stumble, by them looking at us and becoming envious or looking at their own flaws and dwelling on them rather than seeing that it is the Lord who blesses, who gives all good gifts. Who loves all, and cares for them, and will give them what is good in their lives. In being proud we take credit for what is not ours. We tend to rely on our own abilities while it is God who allows us to Love. In what do I have to be prideful? In all things that I have been given have come from the Lord.
"I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast inJesus Christ
His death and resurrection"
It is not rude-- This goes along with being kind. It does not hurt others, or put them down.
But rude also has to do with "being undeveloped, crude, not finished". I think this means it is careful. Its not just thrown out there.
It is not self-seeking-- Putting others above/in front of yourself. Caring for them first. If you are seeking what will make you happiest, and not thinking of the other person's well being, you are not showing them love, you are putting yourself above them. I think C.S. Lewis says it best: "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained." This means even if you are not in the picture of what is best for the loved one, you love them anyways, by putting their well being ahead of what you want.
it is not easily angered-- I think this is interesting, it does not say "does not quickly act on its anger" but simply "is not easily angered". What implications does this have for us?
it keeps no record of wrongs-- I think this is important for three reasons: 1, If we try to keep a record we forget the love and kindness a person has shown to us. We only see their flaws. We do not see the truth of their love towards us. 2. We minimize our flaws, thinking we do so great while they are messing things up. We need to be humble. 3. In light of the Holy Father who wiped away our record: Through His love for us, He died to wipe our slates clean.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth-- Jesus is the truth. We need to follow Him in order to love. If we follow lies and evil, we will not reach love, but only deceitful sad imitations of love.
It always protects-- Take care of the loved one's heart. Guard it, put it before your own. Watch out for it and be there in times of trouble.
always trusts--By knowing the truth and following the lord, trust is made easy to do.
always hopes-- Our God is not one of despair, but of hope. As we trust Him with our lives, we follow His path for us, the path that love resides on, we will have a future of hope.
always perseveres-- Through difficult trials love does not give up. It grows stronger and thicker. You learn the true value of love as it lasts through the most difficult times.
Love never fails.-- God is love. God never fails. He is the mighty conqueror and Savior of our lives.
Lord teach me Your love.
If anyone has any comments, suggestions, responses, anything, please put in on here, I really want to hear what you have to say.
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels... If I can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
I have received a lot of love from people lately. I've been struggling with things, and they have stepped in, spread their arms open to me. I want to be able to love others better. The only way this is achieved is through the Lord. He is love, He is true love. I need to beg the Lord to come into my life and overflow my cup with Him, so that I can share it with those around me. Without love, I am nothing. (Without God I am nothing) Teach me Your love oh Lord.
Love is patient-- This is really hard for me. I find it harder to be patient with the people I love and know really well than those whom I have just met. But in light of God, His patience towards me, as I slowly learn to move towards Him. He is so patient with me, guiding me, and continually loving me. I need to show others patience as my heavenly Father has shown me, even with all my continual faults and stumbling, He forever holds out His hand to me.
love is kind-- Caring for someone else. Putting their interests ahead of your own. Being considerate. Love is kind, it looks for what will bring another joy, true joy in light of the Lord.
It is gentle when necessary, and blunt when needed. Kindness does not mean telling someone the things they want to hear, which might bring temporary "happiness" but rather telling them the things they need to hear so that they can receive lasting joy. Sometimes being kind is just being willing to lend your ears.
It does not envy-- I have lately found myself being very envious of others. I want what they have, and am almost angry at some points that I do not have the same thing. I used to think envy was mostly in the form of physical objects, things, and I thought to myself, ah, it will be easy to avoid envy, because most of those things are really not significant. But envy takes more forms than that. I find myself being envious of others circumstances. But I realize that such a thing is ridiculous. I need to be joyful in the blessings that God has given others. For if one member of the body benefits and finds joy, the whole body benefits. I should find joy in the fact that God has chosen to bless others.
It does not boast, it is not proud-- What have we to boast in but the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. He is the one who gives us the ability to love. By boasting we can cause other people to stumble, by them looking at us and becoming envious or looking at their own flaws and dwelling on them rather than seeing that it is the Lord who blesses, who gives all good gifts. Who loves all, and cares for them, and will give them what is good in their lives. In being proud we take credit for what is not ours. We tend to rely on our own abilities while it is God who allows us to Love. In what do I have to be prideful? In all things that I have been given have come from the Lord.
"I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast inJesus Christ
His death and resurrection"
It is not rude-- This goes along with being kind. It does not hurt others, or put them down.
But rude also has to do with "being undeveloped, crude, not finished". I think this means it is careful. Its not just thrown out there.
It is not self-seeking-- Putting others above/in front of yourself. Caring for them first. If you are seeking what will make you happiest, and not thinking of the other person's well being, you are not showing them love, you are putting yourself above them. I think C.S. Lewis says it best: "Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained." This means even if you are not in the picture of what is best for the loved one, you love them anyways, by putting their well being ahead of what you want.
it is not easily angered-- I think this is interesting, it does not say "does not quickly act on its anger" but simply "is not easily angered". What implications does this have for us?
it keeps no record of wrongs-- I think this is important for three reasons: 1, If we try to keep a record we forget the love and kindness a person has shown to us. We only see their flaws. We do not see the truth of their love towards us. 2. We minimize our flaws, thinking we do so great while they are messing things up. We need to be humble. 3. In light of the Holy Father who wiped away our record: Through His love for us, He died to wipe our slates clean.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth-- Jesus is the truth. We need to follow Him in order to love. If we follow lies and evil, we will not reach love, but only deceitful sad imitations of love.
It always protects-- Take care of the loved one's heart. Guard it, put it before your own. Watch out for it and be there in times of trouble.
always trusts--By knowing the truth and following the lord, trust is made easy to do.
always hopes-- Our God is not one of despair, but of hope. As we trust Him with our lives, we follow His path for us, the path that love resides on, we will have a future of hope.
always perseveres-- Through difficult trials love does not give up. It grows stronger and thicker. You learn the true value of love as it lasts through the most difficult times.
Love never fails.-- God is love. God never fails. He is the mighty conqueror and Savior of our lives.
Lord teach me Your love.
If anyone has any comments, suggestions, responses, anything, please put in on here, I really want to hear what you have to say.
Love Never Fails.
Growing Pains
January 30, 2010
Oh joy that ...seeks me through the pain
I cannot close my heart to thee
I trace the rainbow through the rain
and know the promise is not vain
that mourn shall tearless be
Rejoice my heart! Rejoice my soul!
my savior God has come to thee
Rejoice my heart! You've been made whole
by a love that will not let me go
This last week has been really hard for me.
I never knew I could be in so much pain and still know that I will be/am ok.
That sounds like a contradiction, but its not.
I have been hurting a lot, but also have felt an immense amount of peace from my Savior.
My family has been a huge support for me, (not only these last few days but over the last few months especially), I do not think I could ask for/think of a better group to help me. They do not do this by negating my pain, or saying oh it will go away, or saying I am overreacting, but rather they point me to the only one who can actually help me, my Lord and Savior.
I do not understand His will for my life, I do not understand why certain things happen, but I KNOW that He loves me, and wants what is best for me.
Maybe my timing has just been off for now, or maybe its more than that.
It is painful to think the latter, and even more so to actually put it out in words, but whichever of the two it is I will trust my Lord.
It is not in the easy times that our faith is pushed to the brink, but in the times of suffering.
And although I can not even begin to understand the pain that many people have gone through....I have never had to experience starving, being homeless, being abandoned, having a serious disease... I do know that my pain is real to me.
It is not pleasant. But it is part of the growing process. (Growing Pains).
Sometimes I feel as if I would rather stay small, and not grow because the process hurts so much, but then I would never get to experience some of the great stuff out there that only the little bit older, little bit bigger people can understand.
I need to continually pray to God that He molds my heart to fit His purpose and His kingdom.
It hurts and I don't like pain.
But the knowledge of the joy that comes after the TEMPORARY pain, is worth it.
Even if that pain lasts for an entire lifetime, it is still temporary in light of eternity, and so that is what I need to keep my focus on.
Oh joy that ...seeks me through the pain
I cannot close my heart to thee
I trace the rainbow through the rain
and know the promise is not vain
that mourn shall tearless be
Rejoice my heart! Rejoice my soul!
my savior God has come to thee
Rejoice my heart! You've been made whole
by a love that will not let me go
This last week has been really hard for me.
I never knew I could be in so much pain and still know that I will be/am ok.
That sounds like a contradiction, but its not.
I have been hurting a lot, but also have felt an immense amount of peace from my Savior.
My family has been a huge support for me, (not only these last few days but over the last few months especially), I do not think I could ask for/think of a better group to help me. They do not do this by negating my pain, or saying oh it will go away, or saying I am overreacting, but rather they point me to the only one who can actually help me, my Lord and Savior.
I do not understand His will for my life, I do not understand why certain things happen, but I KNOW that He loves me, and wants what is best for me.
Maybe my timing has just been off for now, or maybe its more than that.
It is painful to think the latter, and even more so to actually put it out in words, but whichever of the two it is I will trust my Lord.
It is not in the easy times that our faith is pushed to the brink, but in the times of suffering.
And although I can not even begin to understand the pain that many people have gone through....I have never had to experience starving, being homeless, being abandoned, having a serious disease... I do know that my pain is real to me.
It is not pleasant. But it is part of the growing process. (Growing Pains).
Sometimes I feel as if I would rather stay small, and not grow because the process hurts so much, but then I would never get to experience some of the great stuff out there that only the little bit older, little bit bigger people can understand.
I need to continually pray to God that He molds my heart to fit His purpose and His kingdom.
It hurts and I don't like pain.
But the knowledge of the joy that comes after the TEMPORARY pain, is worth it.
Even if that pain lasts for an entire lifetime, it is still temporary in light of eternity, and so that is what I need to keep my focus on.
Restless
January 15, 2010
I don't know whats going on with me, I just feel really restless. So I'm just going to type whatever comes to mind on here and see where it leads to.
Aleya was just talking to me about some new shoes she made. I think they are kinda funny looking, but she seems to like them. She just asked me if they would look better if she put monsters on them. When I didn't respond she said "ugh, people these days".
I'm not sure what she means by that. But oh well.
Now Aleya, and the best guy ever (aka, Chris) are commenting on a picture of me that I don't really like, but they seem to. So i guess its ok. I don't really know how to respond to stuff like that though.
Today has been weird. I went to the dentist for the third day in a row!
I have had a cleaning, and 4 fillings (3 were really small though). Not bad after not really going to a dentist for 6 years, or at least that's how long my mom thinks it has been. I don't know. I just wish I knew how to take better care of my teeth. I brush them a lot! My mom thinks its from when I was younger though.
Gah, I miss him so much. He is really awesome, most people don't see it quite like it do, but he really truly is a great guy! This is going to be a long, but really good semester for us.
Speaking of this semester, I'm terrified. I need to continue to do really well, and I don't know if I'm up for it. 16 hours. It doesn't seem like it will be impossible, but the closer it comes to it, the more it feels like it might be.
I'm crazy for trying to get into this intensive writing class. But I guess its good to just get it over with. I mean, boy oh boy. I think I'm in over my head....but then again when am I not?
I basically feel like I faked my way through the first semester and am now confused to see myself going back for more.
My brain feels like its wanting to shut off, but I'm not tired.
and now here it goes waking up again. I dunno whats going on with it.
Also my face feels numb. I don't know if I'm imagining this or its because my face has been shot up with so many dentist needles lately.
Either way, my face feels funny.
Ok well this is really long. Not that I expect anyone to read it. But yeah. I think I want to stop typing now.
later gator.
I don't know whats going on with me, I just feel really restless. So I'm just going to type whatever comes to mind on here and see where it leads to.
Aleya was just talking to me about some new shoes she made. I think they are kinda funny looking, but she seems to like them. She just asked me if they would look better if she put monsters on them. When I didn't respond she said "ugh, people these days".
I'm not sure what she means by that. But oh well.
Now Aleya, and the best guy ever (aka, Chris) are commenting on a picture of me that I don't really like, but they seem to. So i guess its ok. I don't really know how to respond to stuff like that though.
Today has been weird. I went to the dentist for the third day in a row!
I have had a cleaning, and 4 fillings (3 were really small though). Not bad after not really going to a dentist for 6 years, or at least that's how long my mom thinks it has been. I don't know. I just wish I knew how to take better care of my teeth. I brush them a lot! My mom thinks its from when I was younger though.
Gah, I miss him so much. He is really awesome, most people don't see it quite like it do, but he really truly is a great guy! This is going to be a long, but really good semester for us.
Speaking of this semester, I'm terrified. I need to continue to do really well, and I don't know if I'm up for it. 16 hours. It doesn't seem like it will be impossible, but the closer it comes to it, the more it feels like it might be.
I'm crazy for trying to get into this intensive writing class. But I guess its good to just get it over with. I mean, boy oh boy. I think I'm in over my head....but then again when am I not?
I basically feel like I faked my way through the first semester and am now confused to see myself going back for more.
My brain feels like its wanting to shut off, but I'm not tired.
and now here it goes waking up again. I dunno whats going on with it.
Also my face feels numb. I don't know if I'm imagining this or its because my face has been shot up with so many dentist needles lately.
Either way, my face feels funny.
Ok well this is really long. Not that I expect anyone to read it. But yeah. I think I want to stop typing now.
later gator.
Confused and Hurt
December 18, 2009
Well this last week has sure been interesting to say the least. I've been so excited to see so many people, and many of them seem genuinely excited to see me. There is just one person though who I was expecting to be a little happier about it. But I guess not.
I'm trying to not jump to conclusions, but I'm getting really hurt along the way anyways.
If I didn't know better I would think this person hates me, but I know that isn't the case.
The person is just trying to do what is best, and help things along. But they are really confusing me. First its basically "I can't wait for you to get home" and now its like "you are home, but we can't hang out". I mean really? I'm so confused right now. This really sucks. I'm really excited to be home, see my family and all that....but then for it to make things harder on that person, and for them to be acting like this. It just really really hurts.
It makes me hate college even more, because I see how split open my life is becoming. I don't fit in up there, and now I don't fit in down here either =(
What happened? Did I do something to change this whole thing? Or even with that one person? Did I upset them? Something?! I feel so lost and confused about this, and I hate it.
I feel like crying, but I don't want to.
Well this last week has sure been interesting to say the least. I've been so excited to see so many people, and many of them seem genuinely excited to see me. There is just one person though who I was expecting to be a little happier about it. But I guess not.
I'm trying to not jump to conclusions, but I'm getting really hurt along the way anyways.
If I didn't know better I would think this person hates me, but I know that isn't the case.
The person is just trying to do what is best, and help things along. But they are really confusing me. First its basically "I can't wait for you to get home" and now its like "you are home, but we can't hang out". I mean really? I'm so confused right now. This really sucks. I'm really excited to be home, see my family and all that....but then for it to make things harder on that person, and for them to be acting like this. It just really really hurts.
It makes me hate college even more, because I see how split open my life is becoming. I don't fit in up there, and now I don't fit in down here either =(
What happened? Did I do something to change this whole thing? Or even with that one person? Did I upset them? Something?! I feel so lost and confused about this, and I hate it.
I feel like crying, but I don't want to.
Home/Looking back on the semester
December 17, 2009
Back home at last. This last semester has been a really interesting one to say the least. I'm kinda getting used to college, and most people are surprised to here that. Their response is "what you don't like it!?" and all I can say to that is, well its getting a little better.
I guess I'm not like most kids in that I wasn't looking for a way to escape, get away, or find new things. I was just starting to get used to and really enjoying the things that were around me. I've never been a good adjuster, and it took me a while to get used to chinquapin. A lot longer than most people know/think. (About 2 years, around the end of my sophomore year). That's when I started getting comfortable, then realized it wasn't going to last much longer.
I guess my fear is that it will take me that long to get used to college, where you classmates and teachers change every semester. Where you meet as many as 50 new people in a week.
I've started to get used to is (mainly thanks to God, Michelle, Nicholis, Anne and Isis), but its still so far out of my comfort zone most the time. I know we aren't meant to live in a bubble. We are supposed to go outside our comfort zones, but I don't know where to go. I'm not sure why I am in college, the purpose behind it. I guess there are times in our lives where you aren't supposed to see anything but still trust anyways.
Well I guess that is just what I have to do.
so on that note:
"Lord, I love and trust you, and know that you have in mind what is best for me"
I need to continually pray and believe that.
But for now.
I am really glad to be home. See familiar faces, places, foods, etc.
I thank my family and friends (including my bestest friend) for the warm welcome back.
=)
Back home at last. This last semester has been a really interesting one to say the least. I'm kinda getting used to college, and most people are surprised to here that. Their response is "what you don't like it!?" and all I can say to that is, well its getting a little better.
I guess I'm not like most kids in that I wasn't looking for a way to escape, get away, or find new things. I was just starting to get used to and really enjoying the things that were around me. I've never been a good adjuster, and it took me a while to get used to chinquapin. A lot longer than most people know/think. (About 2 years, around the end of my sophomore year). That's when I started getting comfortable, then realized it wasn't going to last much longer.
I guess my fear is that it will take me that long to get used to college, where you classmates and teachers change every semester. Where you meet as many as 50 new people in a week.
I've started to get used to is (mainly thanks to God, Michelle, Nicholis, Anne and Isis), but its still so far out of my comfort zone most the time. I know we aren't meant to live in a bubble. We are supposed to go outside our comfort zones, but I don't know where to go. I'm not sure why I am in college, the purpose behind it. I guess there are times in our lives where you aren't supposed to see anything but still trust anyways.
Well I guess that is just what I have to do.
so on that note:
"Lord, I love and trust you, and know that you have in mind what is best for me"
I need to continually pray and believe that.
But for now.
I am really glad to be home. See familiar faces, places, foods, etc.
I thank my family and friends (including my bestest friend) for the warm welcome back.
=)
I just don't want to.
December 13, 2009
I don't know really what I am doing. I should be studying for finals, but I just can't seem to make myself. I've looked over some of my notes for my psychology class, but I'm not really sure what I will need to know for the test...so I almost feel it is pointless.
My geology finals is going to be a lot of info, so I need to go over all my notes, but I keep thinking to myself...you always have tomorrow.
Which is true, tomorrow is Monday, I have no finals or classes, but then Tuesday I have 2 finals, so I really shouldn't leave it to just tomorrow. But hmmm. How do you get motivation to just go do it?
I really have nothing else to be doing right now. So it would make sense to just buckle down and study. But somehow I'm still on here.
If anyone reads this...any suggestions?
What do you do when you are completely unmotivated to do work but really know you should?
I don't know really what I am doing. I should be studying for finals, but I just can't seem to make myself. I've looked over some of my notes for my psychology class, but I'm not really sure what I will need to know for the test...so I almost feel it is pointless.
My geology finals is going to be a lot of info, so I need to go over all my notes, but I keep thinking to myself...you always have tomorrow.
Which is true, tomorrow is Monday, I have no finals or classes, but then Tuesday I have 2 finals, so I really shouldn't leave it to just tomorrow. But hmmm. How do you get motivation to just go do it?
I really have nothing else to be doing right now. So it would make sense to just buckle down and study. But somehow I'm still on here.
If anyone reads this...any suggestions?
What do you do when you are completely unmotivated to do work but really know you should?
Open
December 7, 2009
I was recently talking to some friends of mine, about how some people are very blunt, while others of often more private and subtle about things. And though there are benefits and drawbacks to both, its great that there are a variety of people out there.
I tend to be a very blunt person. I'm very opinionated, and in most settings (if it doesn't have to do with large groups of people) I share those opinions. This isn't always the best thing, but I'm in the processing of learning to decipher when its best to share or just keep my mouth shut.
One thing I've noticed though, is since I am such a blunt person, people expect me to be so with every aspect of my life, and if I'm not being open and loud about it, most (not all) assume there isn't any thing else there, nothing deeper.
In all honesty, there are quite a few things I keep to myself, or share with just very close friends. Sometimes I feel like a fake, because people expect me to be so open about things...but there are just certain areas in my life where it is really hard for me to open up about.
I try to be myself, and people have commented to me that I couldn't be anything/anyone else even if I tried. Which I greatly appreciate (though there have been many times I have not liked this).
At the same time, i keep quite a bit to myself, which is for the best since it would not be good to share every thought, inclination, feeling, etc, to all those around me.
I'm not sure where I am going with this, but a friend of mine mentioned that sometimes people can express things better through writing, whether just to themselves or to others. I guess I'm just trying to put my thoughts together, and figure out what it is I am actually thinking.
I was recently talking to some friends of mine, about how some people are very blunt, while others of often more private and subtle about things. And though there are benefits and drawbacks to both, its great that there are a variety of people out there.
I tend to be a very blunt person. I'm very opinionated, and in most settings (if it doesn't have to do with large groups of people) I share those opinions. This isn't always the best thing, but I'm in the processing of learning to decipher when its best to share or just keep my mouth shut.
One thing I've noticed though, is since I am such a blunt person, people expect me to be so with every aspect of my life, and if I'm not being open and loud about it, most (not all) assume there isn't any thing else there, nothing deeper.
In all honesty, there are quite a few things I keep to myself, or share with just very close friends. Sometimes I feel like a fake, because people expect me to be so open about things...but there are just certain areas in my life where it is really hard for me to open up about.
I try to be myself, and people have commented to me that I couldn't be anything/anyone else even if I tried. Which I greatly appreciate (though there have been many times I have not liked this).
At the same time, i keep quite a bit to myself, which is for the best since it would not be good to share every thought, inclination, feeling, etc, to all those around me.
I'm not sure where I am going with this, but a friend of mine mentioned that sometimes people can express things better through writing, whether just to themselves or to others. I guess I'm just trying to put my thoughts together, and figure out what it is I am actually thinking.
Parables in a new way.
A different twist on the prodigal son story:
A father is sitting on a dock with his legs dangling over the water. He has a child on each knee and all three of them sit looking out over the ocean.
The youngest child looks at his dad and says, "I want to jump in. Let me go". The father looks sadly at his child and then the choppy water below and slowly removes his hand from his child's shoulder. The young boy immediately jumps in the water. He seems fine for a minute so tries to swim further out. Then he starts to sink, begins panicking and splashing but won't look back as he desperately fights the water. The father's hand is stretched out the whole time, and then finally the boy realizes he can't do it on his own. The boy turns around and takes his father's hand, who pulls him up to safety. The father holds him close to warm him up and dry him off. The other child looks away with a hurt expression on his face. The father turns to the child and asks what is wrong. The child replies "You never warmed me up or dried me off". The father says "don't you see your brother was cold and wet almost drowning, but now he is safe again. You have been warm and dry all along because you chose to stay".
Another random thing/ancedote:
A kid in a castle:
A tiny child covered in grime walks through the huge doors leading into the court room. The rag clothed child does not look up as she walks toward the throne at the far end of the long, clean, beautiful courtroom filled with richly clothed noble people. The people look on in shock at the skinny child, not believing this lowlife would dare approach the king. The child stops in front of the throne, eyes fixed on the feet of the king and says "my king, I give you my life. Tell me what I can do to serve you". The people standing by begin to smirk,thinking that this child's "gift" was completely useless since clearly this child couldn't do much work with her filthy, little, skinny body.The kind silences them, stands up, walks to the child and hugs her. The king declares " this is now my child, since she gave the only thing she had and the only thing I wanted; her love, life, and submission." The child is instantly cleaned and dressed in beautiful clothes. The child is declared a princess and is wrapped in the king's arms as he resumes his place on the throne.
One more:
Two Armies-
There are two armies, you get to chose which one you will be in. Yes, you have to chose, if you don't you will be attacked anyways (by the green army) in the end when the war starts.
If you chose to join the Green Army it means you will have a lot of free time. You can drink, gamble, be promiscuous if you so please and the officers will encourage you, anything you want you can do. They don't worry about training, but rest on the assumption that anger will build up and resentment will pile up and teach you to fight and be tough.
Or you can join the Blue Army. This means daily training and exercise. Being respectful to each other, following rules and guidelines which will help you become a better soldier. It means refraining from some temporary "pleasures" in order to strengthen your body and will.
Which would you chose? What if I told you that you know the Blue Army is going to win?
This seems obvious, doesn't it? But it is the issue that the world is faced with, to become a soldier of the one true God or to be a soldier of the enemy. You have to chose a side, if you stand in "the middle" the enemy (the devil) will attack you and drag you down.
Also this means that if you chose to be a soldier of the Lord, not only will you have to train (read your bible, pray, have Christian fellowship, listen and follow the lord's commands) but you are guaranteed to be victorious. We know the outcome of this story, some just chose to close their eyes to the truth.
(2 Timothy 2:3-4)
A father is sitting on a dock with his legs dangling over the water. He has a child on each knee and all three of them sit looking out over the ocean.
The youngest child looks at his dad and says, "I want to jump in. Let me go". The father looks sadly at his child and then the choppy water below and slowly removes his hand from his child's shoulder. The young boy immediately jumps in the water. He seems fine for a minute so tries to swim further out. Then he starts to sink, begins panicking and splashing but won't look back as he desperately fights the water. The father's hand is stretched out the whole time, and then finally the boy realizes he can't do it on his own. The boy turns around and takes his father's hand, who pulls him up to safety. The father holds him close to warm him up and dry him off. The other child looks away with a hurt expression on his face. The father turns to the child and asks what is wrong. The child replies "You never warmed me up or dried me off". The father says "don't you see your brother was cold and wet almost drowning, but now he is safe again. You have been warm and dry all along because you chose to stay".
Another random thing/ancedote:
A kid in a castle:
A tiny child covered in grime walks through the huge doors leading into the court room. The rag clothed child does not look up as she walks toward the throne at the far end of the long, clean, beautiful courtroom filled with richly clothed noble people. The people look on in shock at the skinny child, not believing this lowlife would dare approach the king. The child stops in front of the throne, eyes fixed on the feet of the king and says "my king, I give you my life. Tell me what I can do to serve you". The people standing by begin to smirk,thinking that this child's "gift" was completely useless since clearly this child couldn't do much work with her filthy, little, skinny body.The kind silences them, stands up, walks to the child and hugs her. The king declares " this is now my child, since she gave the only thing she had and the only thing I wanted; her love, life, and submission." The child is instantly cleaned and dressed in beautiful clothes. The child is declared a princess and is wrapped in the king's arms as he resumes his place on the throne.
One more:
Two Armies-
There are two armies, you get to chose which one you will be in. Yes, you have to chose, if you don't you will be attacked anyways (by the green army) in the end when the war starts.
If you chose to join the Green Army it means you will have a lot of free time. You can drink, gamble, be promiscuous if you so please and the officers will encourage you, anything you want you can do. They don't worry about training, but rest on the assumption that anger will build up and resentment will pile up and teach you to fight and be tough.
Or you can join the Blue Army. This means daily training and exercise. Being respectful to each other, following rules and guidelines which will help you become a better soldier. It means refraining from some temporary "pleasures" in order to strengthen your body and will.
Which would you chose? What if I told you that you know the Blue Army is going to win?
This seems obvious, doesn't it? But it is the issue that the world is faced with, to become a soldier of the one true God or to be a soldier of the enemy. You have to chose a side, if you stand in "the middle" the enemy (the devil) will attack you and drag you down.
Also this means that if you chose to be a soldier of the Lord, not only will you have to train (read your bible, pray, have Christian fellowship, listen and follow the lord's commands) but you are guaranteed to be victorious. We know the outcome of this story, some just chose to close their eyes to the truth.
(2 Timothy 2:3-4)
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August 1, 2009 : The Things I do...
I love him, I truly do. It just isn't the kind of love he wants from me.
I trust God, and I want to obey Him, it was just so hard to do.
Lord, You know what is best, why do I tamper with that?
I just care about him so much, I thought that maybe it was supposed to work out that way, he said he liked me, I really liked him too, even a little in that way but mostly as a friend. But I wanted him to be happy, I liked him, he is nice, such a great guy, loves God with all that is in him, helpful, attractive, and one of the best friends I have ever had. I was so scared of losing that, even though he told me there was nothing I could do to make that so.
I believed him, and believe him now.
But I don't deserve his friendship....yet I get sad/upset when its not the same
I deserve mean words/anger/something harsh....but I get upset at a simple joke.
I'm so glad he can make jokes out of it rather than being angry, I will take that. Every bit of it, even if it does humiliate me, I deserve that and so much more.
I want him to be able to joke about it, I need to loosen up...and plus I deserve so much more than just a few jokes.
why am I so selfish?
He is so kind and I am so selfish.....I hate myself like this.
I disobeyed God, not outright knowingly, but He gave me signs. But I just thought I knew what was best (oh stupid stupid me), but as you see I messed up.
Why do I hurt the people I love the most.
Oh I love him so much, more than he knows, that he could even imagine.
He is my best friend (besides Jesus of course).
But I messed up...how can I forgive myself?
I know he forgave me, though I didn't deserve it.
How can he be so good, so amazing...but still not the one that right for me.
I know I don't deserve someone like him, but it hurts all the same.
Whoever he marries is so lucky she doesn't even know, so lucky.
But God told me no, and I couldn't go on letting him think it was ok, so I had to, you see I had to. But I didn't want to, not really.
It'll be ok though, because this is how God wanted it.
I don't know why.
But it is.
August 6, 2007: Watching people go.
I am watching people go...
In having to watch my brothers and sisters leave and go off to college I have wished for time to stand still. There are only a few more days that I have with them.
And now that Joel and Melissa are in Mauritania it is hard to imagine life without them for two years.
I've recently looked around me and seen everyone in my family, the changes that have taken place over the last few years.
I see Claire and I want her to be my baby sister again, but she isn't she is growing up. Though she sometimes tries to act like she is 2 again, you can tell she wants to be treated like an older kid...she has even gone as far as to tell my mom that she is old enough to do more chores!!
And Shannon is practically a teenager, she is already so athletic and soo beautiful its hard to remeber when she was soo little and when she was just learning to dribble a basketball or swing a bat.
Aleya is (I guess I will steal the word Courtny said about her sister Sidney) very fashionable...way more than me lol...and she is smart and creative. She has a very strong atitude and her own personality.
Stephen is starting to act older and is taking some responsibilities.
Michelle is in college!!!...oh how much I miss her. She is only here for a few more days :[... and I really don't want her to leave
and Jeremy too, this summer I have gotten to know him a lot more....and I'm sad to see him move back up to Austin for his senior year of college.
Elise has a beautiful two year old. She is a great adviser and even when she doesn't have the time she will listen to you and try to help you.
and Joel is in Africa!!! For the next two years!!!
I'm sad to see changes but know they are a necessity.
Everyone has to grow up.
From the words of a friend who is dealing with the same fears as I am...but in a much better way
she said " And I am reminded that change MUST happen or else we will all die. I have always been afraid of growing older, afraid that the perfect glow of the now will be eternally lost in tomorrow, alarmed that time will not stand still for even a moment.... Somehow, joy, hope, and my dreams for the future must win this frustrating battle against fear for dominance in my mind. I am sure it will; it must. And yet, through all the sadness and wishful clinging to the familiar, I know that I am doing the right thing. I know it with a strange, calm inner certainty, which demands that I stop complaining and push forward. My life--it is not such a small thing. My choices and seemingly insignificant decisions will reverberate out into the distant future, affecting my family and strangers alike. It's hard to think about that responsibility; it's hard not to." -Courtney (sorry, if you have any objections to me using this tell me and I will remove it).
She said it in the best way I could think of.
Though change is scary it is necessary.
I want to thank my family and friends...
y'all have all helped me soo much through so many things.
And I know I am not at appreciative as I should be.
So thank you and I love you guys.
To those of you that are going away to college and other places, the best of luck and love to you...I will be praying for y'all.
And to those who are still stuck here with me...I love you!
Other old posts...Just found them again.
October 11, 2009: Sigh
Almost wishes she could just let herself fail out of college so she wouldn't have to come back up here anymore. I know thats not the right approach, and so I won't do it on purpose, but it is tempting sometimes.
Also I really suck at life. I say I want to follow the Lord, but do I show it? Do my actions really reflect that? I don't know, and that bothers me. shouldn't I be able to tell?
I trust Him and love Him, but how do I live that out?
I feel like I have pulled people away from Him more than bringing them to HIm.
I am so selfish. I hate myself for that. The people I love the most I feel like I make it harder on them.
What is wrong with me? Why do I do this?
I know He is what they need, the source of life, of love.
I don't mean to but I feel that I do.
I just don't know what to do.
"I waited for you today
But You didn't show
No.No.No.
I needed You today
So where did you go?
You told me to call
you said You'd be there
And though I haven't seen You
Are You still there?
Chorus
I cried out with no reply and
I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone.
And though I can not see You
and I can't explain why.
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life oh
We cannot separate
'Cause You're part of me
and though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen
Chorus
I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone
We cannot separate
You're part of me
and though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen
Chorus
I cried out with no reply
and I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone"
August 21, 2009: Yet I sin...
Eternal Father,
Thou art good beyond all thought,
But I am vile, wretched, miserable, blind;
My lips are ready to confess,
but my heart is slow to feel,
and my ways reluctant to amend.
I bring my soul to thee;
break it, wound it, bend it, mold it.
Unmask to me sin’s deformity,
that I may hate it, abhor it, flee from it.
My faculties have been a weapon of revolt
against thee;
as a rebel I have misused my strength,
and served the foul adversary of thy kingdom.
Give me grace to bewail my insensate folly,
Grant me to know that the way of transgressors
is hard,that evil paths are wretched paths,
that to depart from thee is to lose all good.
I have seen the purity and beauty of thy perfect law,
the happiness of those in whose heart it reigns,
the calm dignity of the walk to which it calls,
yet I daily violate and contemn its precepts.
Thy loving Spirit strives within me,
brings me Scripture warnings,
speaks in startling Providences,
allures by secret whispers,
yet I choose devices and desires to my own hurt,
impiously resent, grieve,
and provoke him to abandon me.
All these sins I mourn, lament, and for them
cry pardon.
Work in me more profound and abiding repentance;
Give me the fullness of a godly grief
that trembles and fears,
yet ever trusts and loves,
which is ever powerful, and ever confident;
Grant that through the tears of repentance
I may see more clearly the brightness
and glories of the saving cross.
-Valley of Vision
August 1, 2009:
I love him, I truly do. It just isn't the kind of love he wants from me.
I trust God, and I want to obey Him, it was just so hard to do.
Lord, You know what is best, why do I tamper with that?
I just care about him so much, I thought that maybe it was supposed to work out that way, he said he liked me, I really liked him too, even a little in that way but mostly as a friend. But I wanted him to be happy, I liked him, he is nice, such a great guy, loves God with all that is in him, helpful, attractive, and one of the best friends I have ever had. I was so scared of losing that, even though he told me there was nothing I could do to make that so.
I believed him, and believe him now.
But I don't deserve his friendship....yet I get sad/upset when its not the same
I deserve mean words/anger/something harsh....but I get upset at a simple joke.
I'm so glad he can make jokes out of it rather than being angry, I will take that. Every bit of it, even if it does humiliate me, I deserve that and so much more.
I want him to be able to joke about it, I need to loosen up...and plus I deserve so much more than just a few jokes.
I don't deserve him as my best friend...but when he isn't it hurts so much.
why am I so selfish?
He is so kind and I am so selfish.....I hate myself like this.
I disobeyed God, not outright knowingly, but He gave me signs. But I just thought I knew what was best (oh stupid stupid me), but as you see I messed up.
Why do I hurt the people I love the most.
Oh I love him so much, more than he knows, that he could even imagine.
He is my best friend (besides Jesus of course).
But I messed up...how can I forgive myself?
I know he forgave me, though I didn't deserve it.
How can he be so good, so amazing...but still not the one that right for me.
I know I don't deserve someone like him, but it hurts all the same.
Whoever he marries is so lucky she doesn't even know, so lucky.
But God told me no, and I couldn't go on letting him think it was ok, so I had to, you see I had to. But I didn't want to, not really.
It'll be ok though, because this is how God wanted it.
I don't know why.
But it is.
July 17, 2009: This is that
Its a strange feeling... I don't know how to explain it...I don't think I've ever felt this way before.
It feels like my heart is slowly throbbing, as if it is being tugged apart.
its not the same quick rip I have painfully felt before... but rather a slow continuous pain (not as severe at times, but very painful all the same)
I feel as if I have lost my best friend, one of the few true friends I have ever had, and been replaced very quickly.
And its my fault.
He is still nice to me, doesn't ignore me, or treat me rudely.
Yet it is different.
I no longer know what I can/should say....what is going over that line.
The line that I allowed to be drawn, the one I watched form, and then got scared and backed away from....I knew I wasn't allowed to cross the line....it would be too much, and just not right to do so.
I feel like I am a stranger to him...and that I should rightfully be treated as one.
Yet not crossing the line hurt, it feels like stepping on needles.
At times, it seems things are almost back to normal, but I can still see and hear what was said and how it was said...which scares me from getting too close to the line again.
I have been told not to cross the line...but I want to be able to get close again...not as a temptation, but to be a friend again, a real friend, not just another acquaintance.
That is almost to much to bear.
But it is my fault.
I know it...but I wish I could take it back....I really truly do.
but now...I just don't know what to do.
July 14, 2008: .....
I don't understand why I can't stop myself in the early stages. Why I can't avoid all the deep hurt. Its possible, I know it is. so why don't I do it? Am I really that selfish? Why? I'm so frustrated at myself. I try to avoid confrontations not wanting to mess up friendships, but this always makes it worse....so much worse. I end up driving away the friends who mean the most to me. The ones I really care about.
and then whenever I go around to trying to face the problem/issue/thing I always say the wrong thing.
I say "you're too good for me" when I really mean "I'm not good enough for you"
which might look like the same thing but its very different.
What I meant to say and should have said is "I'm not good enough for you, and you are not good enough for me"
that sounds contradictory, but its very possible.
The only person good enough for me is whomsoever God chooses for me, and same goes for everyone else.
so why can't I just say that? It would have made it simpler , would it have not?
But no, I don't just say what i mean outright, I have to coat it...why do I think this is any better? I know it just makes it worse, but I can't seem to help myself? I can't bear to look the person in the eye and just say the outright blunt truth, so I say other truths, smaller ones, but they just complicate things.
When will I learn?
Mom and Dad (along with varies siblings) tell me that I have to go through tough times to grow and mature....but why do they have to involve hurting people I love, people I care about more than myself.
Whats wrong with me? When will I stop hurting those I care about?
I should come with a warning sign plastered to my head that reads:"unintentional problems, hurts, and difficulties will ensue if you become friends with this girl. Leave while you can."
I don't know.
good grief.
December 28, 2008 : Some good quotes
Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver.
"This year, or this month, or, more likely, this very day, we have failed to practise ourselves the kind of behaviour we expect from other people."
--The Case for Christianity (C.S Lewis)
"The greater danger for most of us is not that our aim is too high and we miss it, but that it is too low and we reach it. – Michelangelo
"The heart never takes the place of the head: but it can, and should, obey it."
--C.S. Lewis
"People who fight fire with fire usually end up with ashes."
--Abigail Van Buren
Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person's character lies in their own hands.
--Anne Frank
" The decision to have a child is to accept the fact that your heart will
forever walk outside of your body''
Having children makes you no more a parent than having a piano makes you a pianist.
--Michael Levine
I feel safer on a racetrack than I do on Houston's freeways.
--A. J. Foyt
"When you are arguing against Him you are arguing against the very power that makes you able to argue at all."
--C.S Lewis
"Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person's ultimate good as far as it can be obtained."
C.S. Lewis
"We live, in fact, in a world starved for solitude, silence, and private: and therefore starved for meditation and true friendship." --C.S. Lewis
"The sign of intelligent people is their ability to control emotions by the application of reason."
--Marya Mannes
"If God were small enough for our minds, He wouldn't be big enough for our needs"
~Dad
"The greatest single cause of atheism in the world today is Christians, who acknowledge Jesus with their lips and walk out the door, and deny Him by their lifestyle. That is what an unbelieving world simply finds unbelievable.
-Brennan Manning "
"Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear."
-Ambrose Redmoon quotes
"People generally quarrel because they cannot argue."
- G.K. Chesterton
...
All my old Xanga blogs (my first blog ever that I got rid of):
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
well...I am now a Senior, though I have felt like I should have been one for about 3 years now.Now that I am one though, I don't feel any differently, no excitement, nothing. Its strange, I thought I would feel something. I guess it just hasn't really hit yet, but it will someday soon. Until that time, things will just go as they have always gone, and I think I'm ok with that. we will see I guess. Sunday, December 02, 2007
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Monday, October 22, 2007
Friday, September 28, 2007
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and besides in every fairy tale there is an evil witch or wizard or something
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